


It's You

by Dragusha



Category: Glee
Genre: Brittany Pierce - Freeform, F/F, santana lopez - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-05
Updated: 2013-07-10
Packaged: 2017-12-10 11:24:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 49,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/785522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragusha/pseuds/Dragusha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I heard a womans voice screaming next door. I suddenly bolt up, awaken from my stupor, now suddenly alert I glanced at my clock its 3am. Damn, I still haven't written anything looking at my draft. Then I remembered the shout, I walk to the window and look outside, scanning the streets. It's quiet, no movements from anything or anyone. What was that? who was that?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Chapters in the beginning are shorter but it gets better and longer as the story progress

You heard a womans voice screaming next door. You suddenly bolt up, awaken from your stupor, now suddenly alert, you glanced at your clock and see that it’s 3am. Damn, you still haven’t written anything looking at it. But you remembered the scream, you walk to the window and look outside, scanning the streets. It’s quiet, no movements from anything or anyone. What was that? Did you just imagine that? Who was it? You tried to listen again but there was no sound. You dragged yourself back to your desk, grunting why you can’t write anything, your mind is literally blank. You whine inwardly just thinking of having to endure your editor’s nag again this morning which by the way is a few hours from now. You can already hear her irritating voice, asking you about so many things even giving you lectures on your life and how you should take care of yourself and that you need to go out more often to bring fresh air to your clogged brain.   
You lost the enthusiasm ever since your last relationship failed, and simone walked out, you didn’t find the need to go out anymore. You knew what you two both had was not what anyone would say the greatest love of your life crap and all that but how would you know if it really or wasn’t it, you’ve never experienced having that kind of intense feeling before, never felt it. Still investing 3 years of your life with someone matters, You even thought that you would end up married to her. It was fine with you, you didn’t believe in all that fairytales anyway, no need to fight life if it was offering that way, you were meaning to settle with that. You’re not really outgoing, the most fun you would do on a Saturday night is sit on a bar, drink a couple of beers and head home, watch a movie and then write. Simone made you do some things but if you wanted to stay at home she wouldn’t force you to. But now that you’re living alone, you can wilt here in your apartment without answering or feeling the need to answer to anyone. Well yeah except for Rachel your editor.   
After an hour of failed attempt to put some writing into your blank draft , you give up. Your neck hurts, your eyes are barely open so you decide to head to bed knowing you wouldn’t be able to write anyway. You brush your teeth, wash your face and just stripped to your underwear and crawled to bed.   
For a few hours you just lay there staring at the ceiling and you couldn’t help the thoughts and questions that are running through your head. Why are you like this? What are you living for? You don’t have the tiniest bit of inspiration for anything. You used to be so good at it, it’s the only thing you do best. You even have a best-seller to prove it. But after a year of aimlessly living alone, you couldn’t seem to pick up the will to write again.   
Without putting much thought into it, even if you didn’t pray a lot, you felt a cry coming from your inside and uttered plea to whoever was there, if someone is really there guiding or making moves in our lives, you silently whispered “help me”.   
As if surrendering yourself to whoever would want to maneuver you. Something bigger than yourself, someone bigger than all of this and after a few minutes you began drifting off to sleep.  
You woke up from the sunlight coming from outside and you see that its already nearly in the noon and that you have 3 missed calls from Rachel. You went to the kitchen, scrambling for any left-overs that hasn’t gone bad in your fridge and opted for cereal since it’s the only thing left in your cabinet and at least you’re relieved to know that you still have coffee left because it’s the only thing you need. After eating, you showered, went to your desk, stared at your computer, inhaled deeply and sat down to begin your battle with yourself again, if you can only squeeze out even just a paragraph.   
You know how time flies because when you looked up its already dark. You managed to write a paragraph, talked to Rachel and made promises that you knew you would break. Good thing is were friends even though you find her annoying but secretly you know that you love her because you know that she cares for you even if you don’t like the ways that she shows it.   
It’s past midnight when you hear the shout again, this time you know you were not imagining it. You walked to the other side of the house seeing that you didn’t turn on the light in this room, you went closer to the window, you can hear music coming from the other apartment, you slowly peeked and saw a blonde woman dancing but you can only see her back, she was shaking her body to the music, the way shes dancing you already know that shes good dancer and she can probably dance to any tune with the gracefulness of her movements. After a minute of staring and hiding behind the window you start to shift your attention on her body, how nice it is, her curves that are accentuated by the sleeveless shirt hugging her waist tightly and the short shorts that shes wearing. You cant see her legs only her small waist, you also notice how beautiful her hair is, mesmerized and intrigued by who she is, you haven’t even blinked all this time that you are looking at her.   
To your surprise she suddenly screams again and fell down, you heard the loud bang when she dropped but you cannot see her anymore in this view. Your heart raced, thinking of what could have happened, you ran out of your house to the other apartment and frantically knock on the door. You only knock thrice and the door opens, your head was down while you where knocking and what you first saw was the most beautiful legs you have ever seen in your whole life. You slowly pull your eyes up to her body and saw her beautiful face. Its so angelic that you almost imagine a light being shone on her. She was panting but smiling and you notice she was carrying in her arms a very large, fat cat and then she said “hi”. You didn’t answer her because you were still staring, its like you were so used to living in the dark that seeing a ray of sunshine in a flesh made you blind.   
“uhhm hello. What can I do for you?” she says as she waves her hands at your face wondering why you’re immobilized on her doorstep.   
“uhhm sorry Im Santana, I live next door and I heard you scream”

Short intro. The next chapters are longer and better 


	2. Chapter 2

“Oh sorry I didn’t mean to alarm you, I was just having a shouting contest with Lord Tubbington” she said apologetically. You thought, what did she just say? Who’s Lord Tubbington? That’s an odd name for a person.   
You pushed aside what you were thinking coz you are looking at her pearly white teeth and you slowly look up to see the most wonderful set of blue eyes, you’ve never seen such captivating eyes like hers before.   
She coughed and you realized you were not answering her question again. Whats wrong with you? Have you been so out the circulation lately that you’ve forgotten how to have a simple conversation with another human being, a beautiful human being to be exact.   
“oh sorry, who’s Lord tubbington?” She held her arms high and presented to you the cat, you swear you’ve never seen such a huge cat before.   
“this is Lord Tubbington” she says it with the brightest smile.   
You thought that was weird, her shouting woth a cat. If she wasn’t so adorable saying this to you right now, you would think that shes a nutcase.   
“Im sorry if I bothered you, we usually play this game if I’m stressed or something. It helps release tensions in my nerves” she say while leanin on the doorframe smiling .   
How can you complain to that face, to that kind of beauty?   
You were about to answer when suddenly a car pulled up in her garage, it looks expensive and a man dressed in a business suit got out. About late 40s and you thought oh he’s handsome.   
Hes walking up to the house and he stops at the doorstep, he didn’t bother to smile but he was looking at you wondering why you’re outside this apartment at this time of the night.   
When he’s almost near the door, you hear Brittany say.   
“Dan, this is Santana from next door” you said hi and he just nodded at you and smiled a little.   
You slowly walk back to your apartment but you still have your eyes at the two of them. You saw Dan slid his arms into her waist and kissed her cheeks. You caught Brittany still looking and she calls out to you.   
“hey nice meeting you, sorry for disturbing again” and immediately lookis back at Dan with her eyes saying ‘I’ll explain later’ then slowly closed the door.   
As you head back to your apartment you think is Dan her father but he’s a little too young to be her father. He’s a little too old to be her boyfriend either. Is he? I mean you would understand the attraction he looks like George Clooney. You shrug to yourself but still have this gnawing curiosity at the back of your mind.   
You enter theapartment and went back to your desk which makes you feel tired at once the moment your butt landed on the chair ‘cause it means you have to write again and when you glanced at the clock, you see how terribly late it is. It’s almost 2am.  
Honestly where does time go, its like were just gliding thru it. Its so fleeting that you wonder why are you always left behind.   
Deciding you would just lay your head for awhile to get your thoughts and ideas back before you were interrupted. You knew what a terrible idea it was when you woke up and it’s already 8am. You grumble at your stupidity. How could you overslept?! Another day without accomplishing anything. Ugh. You hate yourself.  
You went to the bathroom to wash your face and stared at yourself in the mirror. You look like you haven’t slept in a week, you’re thinking how your appearance looks too close to a zombie, slowly looking at your every feature when suddenly you hear a knock at your door.   
You thought who would visit you here and at this time but you didn’t take too long to analyze that thought cause when you open the door, you see Brittany with donuts in hand. She looks so vibrant this early in the morning that of course you stare at her again looking like a dumbass. How could you not, she’s so beautiful, she’s wearing a bright yellow dress with blue flower prints.   
“Do you always do that?” Brittany asked tilting her head examining your face.   
You shake your head as if to make sure you’re fully awake already “do what?”   
“stare at the person too hard instead of talking to them?” she answered playfully.  
“uhm yeah, no.. I mean. No I just woke up”   
“good. I brought some donuts. Do you have coffee?” she said while already making her way inside your apartment. “I cant eat donuts without coffee”  
You think how can anyone be this lively at 8am in the morning. You’re a little hesitant to welcome her at your house because you suddenly care what your apartment looks like and its as if all the mess has been magnified that you even see the dirt that’s above your cabinet. You suddenly care when you were totally oblivious to all of it before this ray of sunshine walked in.   
“you know, its like burger without fries, a movie without popcorn.. that’s how eating donuts without coffee for me is. So I thought of you” You hear her ramble.  
She looks so good just standing there. If not for the last thing she said you would completely not care if you look so dumb just staring at her, you swear you can look at her all day.  
“what? You were thinking of me?”  
“yes, I thought maybe you had coffee, I run out”  
Of course. It’s the coffee you dumbass, what else do you think? You think she saw you last night and then suddenly couldn’t stop thinking about you? Not when she has George Clooney as her company.  
“oh yeah, coffee. You can sit here while I make some” you hurriedly cram to get the shirt that was hanging on the couch and some of the plates and glass that was on your table in the living room for two days.  
When you come back with two cups in hand, you reach for her cup and she said thanks. You both sit down and you suddenly feel a little awkward that you’re looking everywhere except on her.   
You see her in the corner of your eye just looking at you. You don’t know what to say, what topic to bring up so you have something to talk about. Knowing your lack of social skills, you’re afraid that you would just blurt out any topic and she would find it stupid or even find you weird.   
A few moments of silence and you were about to talk to her about the weather, yeah lame, coz you honestly cant think of anything but you were saved when she asks.  
“so you live here alone?”  
“yes” When you answered she waits for you to tell her more but when you didn’t she adds.  
“what are you doing living in this small town alone? If you don’t mind me asking?” I know you’re new here. I’ve lived next door for 3 years but I just got back from a vacation”  
“I’m here to write” you answer very briefly. Suddenly feeling guarded ‘cause you don’t usually talk about your life to strangers but when you saw how she’s listening so intently on you, and saw that she’s really interested, you couldn’t help yourself and add.  
“I just transferred last week to New Haven. I thought I can use something new, far from the city” you don’t say how you’ve seen the pictures of this place, how serene and idyllic the place is. There’s lots of trees and a beautiful creek not far from town.  
“if you mean a town on the middle of nowhere, with nothing much to do, yeah this is the place.” Brittany said but you know she’s just kidding by looking at her eyes and that small twitch on her lips. That last observation brought you to stare at her lips longer, seeing how its so perfect. What it must feel for the person lucky enough to be able to kiss it.  
“your’re doing it again” she said giggling “don’t stare too hard, you could freeze. We don’t want that to happen” she laughed  
“ah im sorry” you tell her smiling shyly at being caught.   
You quickly think of something to say.   
“is Dan your husband?” you don’t know why you chose to ask that, out of all the million questions to ask, why that? You could have asked her what her favorite color is. I bet its blue, it matches her eyes.  
“uhm no he’s not” You don’t know why you’re happy to hear that answer but suddenly she stands up and said.   
“it was nice chatting with you, lets do this again some other time” youre a little disappointed that your time with her is over.  
“yeah thanks for the donuts.” You said while you walking her out to the door.   
“tell me if you need anything and I promise I wont do that shouting thing with Lord Tubbington again, I don’t want you to die of a heart attack” she said chuckling “bye Santana”  
“bye” you watch her walk all the way to her apartment before closing the door. You lean your back on it and exhaled the air you didn’t know you were holding in your lungs ever since Brittany arrived, bouncing so adorably on your doorstep.

Please Review.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bear with the mistakes

You have been writing non-stop and you haven’t even bothered eating cause you’re on a roll. Happy to be able to submit something to Rachel coz you’re sure she’s serious this time with her threats to kill you, but what you’re really afraid of is her threatening to come here and see for herself and make sure that you will write something and you don’t want that. You don’t need her at your back and constantly mothering and smothering you.  
It’s been a week since Brittany visited. You haven’t seen her and you haven’t heard any screaming in the middle of the night. You don’t know why your thoughts sometimes drift to her but somehow you find that thinking about her it helps you in your writing, maybe because you’ve created something, where she was like the heroine of your story. Of course you tell yourself it’s not about her but you just borrowed the way she looks with the character that you’re currently writing about in your book.   
It’s already 9pm when you stop to eat your dinner. You’re holding your plate while walking through your house, you don’t bother sitting down because you’re used to eating this way because anyway you have no one to sit and eat dinner with. You glance at the other room where the window gives you a full view of next doors living room. You decided to go inside, stood in front of the window where you first saw Brittany dancing. You’re glad that the lights in this room are always off, because you suddenly see Brittany walking to her couch and if the lights were turned on she would definitely spot that there’s someone looking at her at the next doors window.   
You immediately drop to your knees. You can’t believe you’re actually going to continue with this peeking business. You climb on your knees again just enough to see her and you notice that she seems upset and she’s looking and talking to someone that is not in your view.   
Is she talking to that cat again? But then you see Dan walking towards her and sat beside her on the couch. He looks like he’s apologizing about something to her, caressing her cheeks and you see his hands trying to hold her. She pulls away but he’s very persistent.   
You see that Brittany has been crying and she’s still not looking at him. He’s still pleading, like he would give her anything just to see her smile. He holds her hand and now she lets him, he whispers something to her ear. You can see that he’s very gentle on her, she peeks through her eyes and now she’s smiling at him a little.   
The look on his face is as if he was saying “there...there’s that very pretty smile that I've been dying to see” but of course you don’t really know if he said that.   
You watch him leaning into her, kissing her softly, slowly at first and now it’s turning into a very passionate kiss. You see Dan’s hands on Brittany’s thigh slowly caressing it and making its way inside her skirt.   
That’s when you stop, turn back and you sit on the floor. You feel so turn on right that you can feel the wetness in the middle of your thighs. You try to peek again and see Dan already scooting Brittany into his arms.   
You already know what they were going to do next.   
That whole thing made you think that maybe you should lock this room already so you won’t make spying on your neighbors life a habit. Particularly Brittany’s.  
After a few days, you finally placed it on yourself to take a break from writing and now you’re just having a quiet time for yourself. Tonight you plan to just sit on your couch and watch whatever is on the tv with a beer on hand. You flick thru channels and see how boring all of the shows are, well what do you expect you’re in a small town.   
Your thoughts go back again to what you witnessed two days ago on Brittany’s couch, you have been having a hard time getting that whole scene out of your head.   
You were much better entertained watching through a window than these damn shows on the tv.   
That’s when you felt the urge to go back to that unused room in your apartment again, making excuses to yourself that you just need to check something in there.   
Even if your conscience is telling you that what you’re about to do is wrong but still you find yourself walking towards the room, once inside, you slowly kneel in front of the window.   
At once you see Brittany’s couch but saw no ones in there but the lights are turned on so you know that she’s home.   
You feel ashamed of what you’re doing but if you have seen Brittany in person too you would understand how anyone can be fascinated by her.   
You were about to give up when you see her walk going to the couch and sit on it with a cup in hand, she’s wearing a white wife beater and a ripped jeans shorts. The fat cat jumped into the couch and curled beside her and she took the remote and turned on the tv.   
She stretched her legs and you see how perfect they are, her skin looks so soft. You hear her phone ringing and you see her reaction that she’s a little excited when she answers it, like she knows who is calling her. Maybe she’s waiting for Dan to call. But you can see her smile slowly fading, she looks disappointed with what she’s currently hearing and after a short while she hangs up.   
She looks at Lord Tubbington, said something and lets out a loud scream of disappointment. It was so loud that you were caught by surprise that you stumble backwards and accidentally hit the vase on the side table. Blame your reflexes cause you were not able to catch it and you see the vase shatter very loudly once it hit the floor.   
You immediately look up and see Brittany staring to her window, obviously she heard it and she knows that the noise came from your house. You immediately duck down, cursing at yourself for being very clumsy. ‘shit shit shit did she see you? It’s dark in here maybe she didn’t’.   
You slowly peek through the window again and see that Brittany is not in there anymore. You feel relieve at not being caught but the feeling is short lived when you hear a knock on your door.   
Fuck!   
You scramble to your feet and rushed to the door, thinking of excuses on what to say to her, you’re pretty sure it’s her who’s knocking. You open the door slowly, and you see Brittany eyeing you, ‘oh my god she knows you’ve been perving on her’.   
“Are you ok?” she asked “I heard something crashed on the other side of your house” when she asked that you feel a rush of relief. ‘thank god she doesn’t know, does she?’  
Calm down. “Oh everything’s fine, the vase fell off the table”  
“Why? What happened?”  
Think fast! “uhm I think there’s just a mouse in the other room that I haven’t been using” you hope she buys it.  
“Or a ghost” she says trying to tease you, she smiles with that joke but it doesn’t reach her eyes. You noticed that there’s a hint of sadness in them and you thought maybe it has something to do with the phone call earlier.   
You don’t believe in ghosts, thinking about the last thing she said  
“Are you doing something?” You look at her and began to notice how she looks so pretty standing there in your doorstep.   
“Not really, I was just---“ you were not able to finish what you were supposed to say because she reached out for your hand and dragged you outside  
“Good, I wanna take you somewhere. Is it ok?” grabbing your hands, pulling you outside.   
“Wait, wait aren’t we supposed to lock our doors?” she stops and she looks like she’s remembering something and agrees to think of safety first before dashing off somewhere so she said.   
“ok lock your doors and—“ she discontinues what she was about to say and looks at you examining what you’re wearing. Is she checking you out? You suddenly feel very conscious.   
She smiles and saw the twinkle in her eyes. “maybe you can also fix your shirt”   
You’re a little confused at what she’s saying but when you look down to your shirt, you see that its not buttoned up and a large portion of your bra is very much exposed.   
You didn’t know when that happened. You usually didn’t care what you look like at all knowing that you don’t plan to face or talk to anyone today and it’s a good thing that you’re even wearing a bra.   
“Oh. Sorry.” You said shyly.   
“Don’t be. It’s a nice rack.” She says.   
You recognize a hint of hunger in her eyes or maybe you’re just imagining it.  
“I’ll be back” After going back inside, you ran to the bathroom and fixed your shirt, tied your hair in a ponytail and then you check yourself in the mirror if you look okay. You don’t even know where you’re going but you thought of Brittany and think how can you say no to her. Honestly, during the days that you haven’t seen her, she has been constantly in your mind.   
You tell yourself that it’s unavoidable, that you have to, because you kind of modeled your character in the story after her. That’s just it. You don’t even know anything about her but you thought, it wouldn’t hurt you if you get to know her a little right because it would really do well for your book.  
Who are you kidding? Is that really all the reason there is on why you’re so intrigued and drawn to her.  
After locking the door you meet her upfront and see that she has a shawl draped in her arms.   
It is a little chilly tonight.  
“Where are we going?” You ask.   
She looks and smiles thankfully at you for going with her without any questions.  
“I wanna go to the park” She answers.   
Oh yeah the park on the other side of the street. You’ve seen it, when you went to buy some stuff at the grocery. You’ve always thought of going but didn’t find time to do it.  
You’re both walking through the street and you see what a beautiful night is it, how the stars are so twinkling and the moon shining brightly at the two of you.   
You’re both silent during your walk and you can see that she’s thinking of something.   
When you near the park, she directly walks to the bench. You notice the surroundings and how beautiful the landscape is, colorful the flowers that are embedded throughout the park.   
She sits on the bench, a little unsure if you should sit beside her you just stood up in front of her while looking up at the stars, inhaling deeply the fresh air with your eyes closed.  
“Don’t you feel lonely, living alone by yourself?’ she asks and you turn your attention to her. You notice how she looks so sad. You thought of Dan. Did something happen between the two of them? Are they fighting again? You think it’s not your place to ask something so personal so you just thought of answering her question.  
“I’m use to it” You simply said.  
Even when you were still living with your ex-girlfriend you didn’t really feel like you were a big part of someone. Even when you were together, you always seemed so far away. That’s why you don’t really think too much if you’re lonely because maybe you’re so used to feeling like that.  
She looks at you but you can see her eyes are a little watery and she looks like she’s about to cry. You didn’t know that she was this sad because all those moments when you were with her all you just see is how beautiful she is that you fail to look into her eyes and see the sadness in it.  
Seeing her sad like this, you feel a magnet, pulling you to be closer to her. Even though you’re not good in consoling anyone but you can’t take to seeing her like this so you slowly sat down on the edge of the bench and ask her softly.   
“What’s wrong?”   
It’s like your arms has a mind of their own cause it slowly went around her shoulder and you saw how it affected her because she is now leaning her head on your shoulders and she’s crying on your chest.  
“Hey hey, what’s wrong? Why are you crying” you don’t understand why you feel so drawn towards her. You feel this uncontrollable urge, that you wanna protect her but you know she’s not yours to protect. You thought of Dan again, where is he by the way? You can’t help but be piss at him for leaving Brittany all alone and a mess like this.  
She’s still sobbing. You can’t take it anymore so you ask “did something happen between you and Dan?”  
“uhhm its nothing. Don’t worry, im fine” and with that she stops crying. You watch her wipe her face but you don’t take your arms away from her yet.   
You figured that Dan is an off subject and she doesn’t wanna talk about him. So you try to make a joke of something to make the atmosphere light.  
“You were just bawling in my arms, of course your fine” you tell her while laughing a little.   
She chuckles at what you said while wiping her nose.   
“Thank you” she says it very softly and you look at her eyes.   
You feel something that you can’t describe. Something warm that’s coming from your chest and spreading all over your body.   
“Thank you for being here. I don’t have a lot of friends in this place” She tells you honestly.   
Yeah that’s it. Maybe you feel like you can be friends with her, that’s what draws you to her. You try to rationalize this thing that you’re feeling at the pit of your stomach whenever your near her.   
Haven’t you felt something like that, when you meet someone and you feel like you can be friends with them instantly and that there is something special about them.   
But you haven’t felt that way before so that’s what your trying to figure out. Maybe that’s it.   
“I can be your friend” You replied automatically, your brain didn’t need to process because it was your heart who said it.  
Brittany looks at you with such tenderness in her eyes that you feel like you’re swimming in the middle of an ocean, just looking into those blue orbs of hers. .It’s the most beautiful eyes you’ve ever seen really.   
Then she smiles so sweetly at you and says   
“Id like that…” and she pauses like trying to treasure and absorb all of those words that you just uttered “I’d like that a lot”.

I will be happy to hear your reviews. A happy writer writes a more 


	4. Chapter 4

She sits back and leans on the bench, you sit back too without taking away your arms around her and you lean it on the bench behind her back. You don’t feel awkwark anymore, the ice was already broken when she suddenly cried 5 minutes after you arrived at the park. Right now, you watch her looking straight ahead and she turns at you.   
“Thank you again for being here with me”  
“its fine, I needed to get out of that apartment anyway” and you offer her a smile.  
“where are you from?” she asked looking a little better now.  
“Im from New York” you answer her very briefly. You look at her and she looks like she’s waiting for you to tell her more about yourself.  
“and…” she prys on with her head down but her eyes peeking at you, waiting for you tell her more.  
“and what?” She looks so cute like that, hanging on to your every word.  
“aside from you’re here to write and you’re from New York. What else? What else can you tell me about yourself?” she says with a chuckle.   
That’s better. You should smile more often.  
Shes so beautiful with the moon shining down on her. “I dunno. There’s really nothing interesting going on with my life.”  
“well you said, we can be friends and I want to get to know you. Did you just say that because I was crying?” she said a little unsure.  
Suddenly you feel the reality and the weight of what you just offered her. What do you know about friendship? You don’t even have a lot of friends cause you’re so close of to yourself. Rachel is the only one you can call your friend and you’re not sure if you’re even doing good with that. In fact, you didn’t initiate being friends with her, she just grew on you with her ways, always forcing herself in your life. Rachel has proven herself and you really do know that she loves you and want whats best for you.   
You knew early on that you didn’t need much friends knowing from experience that people have always let you down that’s why you have always kept them at a distance.   
Here with Brittany though, you realize and you’re amazed at how you really do want to get to know her too. There’s just something about her and that’s what you want to discover. It’s not even the reason that you’re greatly attracted to her, you know it’s more than that.   
You take your arm that’s on her back, turned to her and say with a serious face.  
“No of course not, I meant what I said” Right after you said that, she looks at you and you see in her eyes that she understands. How you don’t let people in easily and this situation, you offering her friendship is very rare. You can feel right in this moment while the two of you are looking straight into each others eyes that you both feel the connection.  
“ Thanks Santana” she says with an endearing smile full of meaning.  
“Why don’t you just ask me a question and I’ll try to answer it to my utmost ability” You wink and smile.   
Wanting to turn this conversation into something not too serious. You want to see that smile again.  
“Did you leave someone behind in New York? A boyfriend maybe?  
You chuckle at the boyfriend question. Youre 26 now and the last time you had a boyfriend was when you were 14.  
“No. no boyfriend” you said while laughing.  
“Now, its my turn” you said. She raised her eyebrows and looked questioningly at you “But I still have a question!” she said while pulling your arms.  
“No. its my turn to ask. You ask me and I ask you. That’s how it goes” You said curtly.  
This is your chance to ask what you’ve been really wanting to know. “Is Dan your boyfriend?”  
Her face turns serious with the question. “Dan is complicated”   
“wha--“ You added but didn’t get to continue because she already said.   
“My turn” You roll your eyes at her for getting back at you and she gives you a knowing look. “That’s how it goes, you created the rules.” she said with a smug look and released a giggle.   
God shes so adorable. You don’t even care how late it is already, the night is so beautiful and youre with a beautiful woman so everythings fine in the world.   
You cant stop from laughing at your own thoughts.  
“Why are you laughing?” she asks curiously.  
“Nothing. This whole situation. How we met it’s just funny. Ok my turn!” Wanting to go back to the topic.  
“but that wasn’t really my question. Not fair.” She tells you wd a pout.  
“sorry, cant break the rules” You try hard to look serious but you’re really laughing deep inside. Teasing her, you find makes you feel warm and giddy deep inside.  
“why is it complicated?” everytime you turn the conversation to Dan her looks always turns serious.  
She shrugs “it just is. Our relationship is complicated” But she immediately try to change the subject by asking you her question.  
“Ok my turn, why don’t you have a boyfriend? You cant look like that and not have a boyfriend?” Did she just say that you look hot? You don’t know how to react to her compliment. She stares at you while waiting for your reply.   
To your surprise, you don’t feel so self-conscious around her anymore, also you want to be honest to her and you want to see what her reaction will be when you tell her what you’re about to say.   
You meet her eyes and hold her gaze. “I don’t have a boyfriend because im not into them.” You see that she looks a little puzzled and you continue.   
“Im gay” you simply let out. You watch the realization crept into her face.   
“oh…. That’s..that’s cool” she says while nodding her head.   
You watch her intently, gaging her reaction and you feel happy when you see that she’s not bothered by it.  
“But do you love him though?” You just cant stop the gnawing curiosity you have over this side of her life. You just hope she doesn’t feel like you’re being pushy.  
You see her look straight ahead and look down to her feet again while kicking the grass. She looks like she’s thinking hard of what to tell you and you just wait for her. After a minute she says without looking at you.   
“Yes I do” with that short reply, you suddenly feel strange. Like noticing how late it is and that this conversation is getting too serious for your liking. All of a sudden you feel so tired.   
You told Brittany how late you think it is and that maybe its better for you to head back already. She just nods and agrees with you. The walk back home is quiet, you’re looking at the streetlights, the wind blowing the trees and sometimes glancing at her and saw how the moon is shining in her eyes.   
When you arrive home, you see that there’s a parked BMW car outside Brittanys apartment. You didn’t have to ask who is it. You know it’s Dan.   
But you wonder why he always come when it’s already late at night. Does he live from afar? So many questions running thru your mind but you know the 21 questions with Brittany is over.   
When you reach the front of her apartment, you see her stop and let out a sigh. She seems like she’s gathering some strength before she has to go in.  
“Well that was an interesting night” you said.  
“Yeah but believe it or not I had fun” she tells you very kindly.  
“Me too” you give her a warm smile. You really did even if in the latter part you didn’t like the answer that you got from her.   
“ok you should go inside now”   
“Yeah. Thanks again Santana. I really appreciate what you did. Im your friend already, you cant back out now and im making sure that you’ll keep it that way!” she says with a teasing smile.  
“yeah, yeah go now” and you slowly walk to your apartment.  
“Lets do that again okay?” she says while also making her way inside and you just answer her with a nod.  
When you enter your apartment. You collapse into your couch, looking hard straight into the ceiling, thinking of the last few hours while you were with Brittany in the park. You think of everything that you talked about, what she said and how she made you feel.   
You feel something you haven’t felt before. It’s something new and it dawned on you what that is.   
Brittany is my friend. You smile with that thought.  
Despite how you felt with knowing that she loves Dan and how it made you feel a little discouraged cause you have clearly admitted to yourself already that you like her, you feel happy knowing that you have made that step into opening yourself to her.  
It is a decision that you chose and definitely wanted to be a part of. You don’t know why but the effect of the act made you feel like something opened up deep within you, a tiny crack of optimism and it’s creeping inside your whole being causing you to feel that something’s new is about to happen, you don’t know what but you’re dying to find out what if it means Brittany is going to be in it.

You stop yourself from over analyzing and decided to head to bed. Tomorrow’s gonna be a new day and for once in a very long time you don’t dread it from coming. 

 

Please review 


	5. Chapter 5

A month have passed since that night in the park but you didn’t really notice it.   
The days has been bearable thanks to the frequent visits of a pretty blonde in her cute little outfits that also come bearing little gifts.   
For the first few days Brittany would just pop into your doorstep and sits with you for coffee or to have small talks and seeing that you’re busy writing, she doesn’t really linger and avoids taking up much of your time. You don’t really mind if she does though because you find her company refreshing.  
As the days went by, she has become quite at home and just struts into your living room or kitchen when she sees that something needs fixing, offering help with just about anything if she’s not busy. This time she already knows that you kind of need a little help within that department.  
Sometimes she asks if you want something at the grocery and she offers to buy it for you.   
“You need to eat other than this crap in your fridge Santana” she would constantly says while snooping inside your fridge, checking if you still have something to eat, knowing how you just waste away your day writing and you rarely go out into town to buy stuff.  
You don’t really mind what she’s doing like going to your kitchen placing food inside the fridge, humming little tunes to herself while swaying those hips when she’s at it. Whatever she brings back from the groceries, you always pay after.  
You don’t even bother locking the door anymore because you secretly love that Brittany likes checking up on you. You’ve contemplated when you’re by yourself how you don’t mind having this other person in your personal space. She’s just like a ball of sunshine, always smiling and laughing with her quirky ways. She possesses the kindest heart and you can see that she genuinely cares.   
You’ve never met someone like this before. All your life you have always been used to being surrounded by cynical people. That’s why Rachel is the only friend you have cause shes different too.   
One time while you were so engrossed in writing, she sneaks up on you and caught you by surprise by covering your eyes with her hands. You feel how soft her hands are that you weren’t able to immediately react and you just sat there, letting yourself be enveloped on how your senses are being filled with how good she smells.   
“Oh c’mon don’t tell me you didn’t know it was me?!” she turns to the side of your face and laughs.   
Ugh why are you so pretty.   
You don’t even get tired of thinking about that observation numerous times in the day whenever she’s with you.   
She drops a plate of lasagna on your desk and pats your shoulder, she points to the food and said seriously.   
“Eat that” You give her a smile and just nod then she turns her heels and went back to her apartmen.   
You like how she’s trying to take care of you. You have thought of returning the favor but you don’t know how? This kind of things doesn’t really come naturally to you but you think of things on how to do it. You tell yourself it’s nothing special and that it’s normal to do something for a friend, especially someone like Brittany.   
The next weekend, you decide to take a break from writing so you can unwind and maybe spend time with Brittany and do something nice with her to pay for the things she has been helping you out with.   
You decide to clean around the house a little and noticed how you don’t have anything to eat anymore and you thought maybe you can do some groceries in town later.   
You take a bath and when you finish you stand up longer infront of your closet this time. Deciding carefully on what to wear, you haven’t really worn a lot of your clothes since you’ve been here because you rarely go out and being at home consist mainly of just wearing sweats. You finally decide to wear something casual but nice, the thought of wanting to look good for Brittany comes up to your mind but you quickly push it at the back of your mind, reasoning that you just want to wear something other than your constant clothes. Right after you have finished dressing up, you stared at yourself in the mirror and thought, not bad. Your hair is loose with the curls hanging onto your shoulder. Your sleeveless blue dress that cuts just above your knees is hugging your body showing your slim waist and perfect butt is just right.   
You can’t wait for Brittany to see you and with that thought you smack yourself again thinking that you should stop thinking about that. The girl is very nice to you and you don’t want to take advantage by mistaking it with anything.   
Why do you bother with looking good for her, its not like she’s gonna notice. You will never be like that for her. You stop with the thought of how it’s not bad to want to look good for a friend right? She can’t be the only one to always look that good, you wanna show that you have something too show too.   
Although her beauty and charm are never forced and intentional, she just exudes this charism that always managed to leave you breatheless. You’re not lacking in the looks department too, you used to be one of the popular girls in highschool and a lot of guys were lining up to take you out on a date. You had a reputation of being a bitch back then but a lot of things happened back then that contributed into making you that way.   
Your parents divorced and your father died when you were in highschool not even over with the fact that your mom and dad split and then that terrible thing happened. The bad stuff kept piling up and with no one to talk your feelings with, you grew into someone who was very secluded with her own emotions. You couldn’t talk to your mom, seeing how she’s a wreck herself, loosing a husband and trying to make ends meet while raising a kid. Throw in some more bad decisions that resulted to a lot of a mess and what once was just a façade to protect your image turned into something more that you built and cemented yourself which made you into a very hard person until your present age. Going through life very closed within yourself almost to the extent of being numb and just passive.   
Only with Brittany that you feel this freshness and positivity in another person, shes just compelling that way without meaning to. You can’t deny that you like the feeling that she’s giving you and now that you have met someone who is capable of giving you this, you don’t want to let that go. Deep inside you know you have been longing to have someone like this in your life who is capable in making you feel anything like this. Eventhough you didn’t know what that kind of feeling is before but you just know that there is something more to life than just aimlessly wondering around and feeling hollow most of your life.   
You have decided to yourself that you will be her friend for life even if you have finished your time here that you swore to yourself. Although when you search yourself, you know being just friends is not enough but you know better and you have accepted that it’s not going to be that way. It’s really impossible for that to happen knowing that she has Dan in her life.  
You’re broken from your thoughts when you heard Brittany openning the door, you know its her so you slowly walk out of your room and when she turns to you, she stops, the look on her face tells you it’s like she’s mistaking you for someone else but then when she reaches your brown eyes she recognizes that it’s you in an instant and she just looks at you full of admiration.  
“Wow, you look.. so nice” she says completely surprise at how you’ve cleaned up after yourself. “are you going somewhere?” she asks not taking her eyes off of you.   
You can feel her eyes roaming all over you. From your hair, all the way down to your legs and you can’t help but feel a little warm at the way that she’s looking at you.  
Yeah I still got it. Brittany is practically drooling over you now or at least that’s what you wish she was.  
You remember how it used to be a quest for you to have women writhing under your body, shouting your name in bed during college. Even women who claim they were straight and even the ones who already had a boyfriend.   
“Thanks” you said shyly but happy that she noticed.   
“I was thinking if I could take you out for lunch into town.” You tell her hoping that she’ll say yes.   
“It’s the least I could do with all the things that you have done for me” you bow your head a little, not meeting her eyes, afraid to be disappointed if she didn’t want to. “that is if youre not busy?”  
“yeah, im up for it” she simply says “I went here to check on you anyway. I wanted to see if you had lunch already, I was about to cook something up but lunch in town is also good for a change”   
You’re happy to hear what she said “Meet me after 30mins upfront and then we can go. Yeah?” you immediately tell her.  
“oh yeah ok!” she still hasn’t taken her eyes off of you, looking at you a little longer than she usually does.   
You now turn your back at her but still trying to peek if she has moved from her spot already. When you saw her walk out, you then head to your small desk to check for e-mails and messages.  
You both drive into town using your car and while driving you can’t avoid watching her at the corner of your eye. She’s humming to the music playing in the radio and is silently watching the view outside with the sun shining on her hair. She must have sensed that you were looking at her cause she turned her head and met your eyes. You turn your eyes on the road, a little embarrassed that you were caught staring but you didn’t miss the smile that she has on when she returned her attention outside the window again.  
You brought her to this little restaurant called Breadstix that you saw when you first got here but didn’t went to because you don’t like eating alone in a restaurant but now that you have someone to accompany you maybe you can try out what this little town has to offer.  
You ask Brittany to be the one to choose a table that she likes and she went for the one located in the corner, near the window where you have a view of what the town looks like outside.   
You really like it this place, it’s peaceful and simple. You thought in the future that maybe you can a buy a property here. You can see yourself living in a small town just outside the city. How you can just drive back and forth if you really need to go into the city.  
“It’s nice here, the food is good” Brittany interrupted your thoughts when she tells you that.  
“Oh yeah? Then I’ll give you the pleasure of ordering for me. You seem to know what their offering” You said playfully.  
“Yes I do and I will see that you will not regret it!” she says very enthusiastically and adds “im gonna order shrimps cause you’re paying right?” she says teasingly.  
“Of course, order anything you want Britt” you smile warmly at her.   
You swear these days that you are with Brittany is the most smiles you’ve made in a year.   
She smiles back at you too noticing the nickname you made for her already.  
You two were interrupted when a woman stands by your table and aks very lively “what can I get you two ladies? Are you ready to order?” you see the lady looking and smiling a little too much at you.   
She’s pretty. Brunette. Short hair. Nice body. Not as amazing as Brittany’s but she’s sexy.  
“Hi Marley. How are you?” Brittany says smiling but has a really serious look on her face.  
“oh hi B! I’m good” she answers back, acknowledging Brittany’s presence but goes back to smiling at you again.  
“Well how’s Jane? Can you tell her I said Hi?” Brittany says a little annoyed that Marley is not giving Britt her full attention.  
Marley finally looks at Brittany and says “I guess she’s good but we broke up so I don’t really know what’s going on with her nowadays”  
“Oh! Im sorry to hear that.” Brittany says feigning concern and immediatley changes the subject by saying.  
“We’ll were ready to order now” Brittany said but Marley cuts her by saying.  
“Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend B?” she asks Britt but is looking straight at you.  
You didn’t miss way Brittany rolled her eyes before saying “This is Santana. Santana this is Marley”   
But marley didn’t see it because she’s only showing interest on you “Are you the one living next door to Brittany?” You look at her kinda puzzled on why she knows that and she notices it. “We’ll this is a small town, word gets around that a new pretty little lady just moved into town” Marley adds clearly flirting at you.  
“Yeah that’s me” You don’t know if you fully understand what is happening right now and why Brittany has that look in her face but you smile and nod at Marley politely.   
You face Britt and see how she’s eyeing Marley and her reaction to this is kinda interesting to you. You remember how you want her to enjoy this time so you said.  
“uhm I think Brittany wants to order now” you said smiling at Marley again  
After Brittany finished ordering, Marley left and you watch Britt propping up her elbows on the table, she placed her chin on her hands and is now looking straight at you without saying anything.   
You raise your eyebrows up, questioningly at her, wondering why shes looking at you like that   
“what?” You ask when she’s still not saying anything.  
“She was flirting at you..” she says with an unreadable face. You don’t know what she’s getting at.   
“Yeah so..?” You answered her dismissively.  
“So, don’t you find her pretty?” she asks, not understanding why she looks shy asking you this question.  
“Yeah she is, but shes not really my type so..” shrugging after the last word.  
“oh, so you have a type..” shes teasing you now.  
“doesn’t everybody else?” You asked. Curiousl about what she means with what she just said.  
“well I don’t have one” she answers back.  
“Please explain…” you ask showing her that you’re interested with her explanation, which she kindly obliged.  
“I like the person for who they are, how good their heart is then everything just follows..”  
“Well I don’t think I really trust your judgement then” You said. If she chooses people that way then obviously you wonder what did she see in you. You wouldn’t really call yourself a nice person.  
“Why is that?” she asked raising her eyebrows.  
“Are we playing 21 questions again” you tell her jokingly thinking if you should tell her the truth on why you said that but she rolls her eyes at you so you decided to tell her what you really thought.  
“because you made friends with me and im not a good person” you chuckle a little to make it look like you’re not really that serious with the question.  
But she answers you very seriously, looking like she couldn’t believe why you would even think of that “That’s not true. You are.. you just hide it very well. I know because Im good at reading people”   
You cant stop the smile that crept up your face with what she just said.  
“You should do that more often..” She says while looking at you.  
“do what?” wondering what she means.  
“Smile more often… you have such a pretty smile. It’s such a waste you don’t use it more often”she says tilting her face with that precious smile of hers.  
You feel so warm all over, like youre melting on the insides. God the things she makes you feel. You look down to hide the blush that’s creeping up all over your face.  
“So tell me, whats your type?” She changes the mood with the next question, knowing how she embarrased you with the last thing that she said.  
“Blondes with perfect smiles” You blurted out without thinking but immediately after you said it, you want to slam your head on the table.   
‘Why did you say that you idiot!’   
She’s gonna think that you like her now. You don’t want any awkwardness between you and you like how freely she acts around you.   
You can’t meet her eyes for a few seconds but when you tried to look at her, you see that she’s blushing and is now currently looking down at the menu.   
‘Perfect, now look at what you’ve done!’  
You have to turn this thing around so you quickly thought of the one thing you can think of right now and said without thinking much to it.  
“Uhhm maybe I‘ll ask Marley to show me around one of these days. She seems nice?” she looks up at you now but her smile is not there anymore. You’re trying to read her face but it’s voide of any emotions. If she didn’t like the idea, she’s doing a good effort in hiding it.  
“Yeah maybe you can” shes says looking down trying to read something on the menu.  
When the food arrived. You two have somehow forgotten about the awkwardness that transpired awhile ago.   
You think of ways to engage her in a conversation to somehow erase the confession you blurt out earlier. You talked about anything and everything. Brittany, you found out is smarter than she leads on. She has a different way of understanding and seeing things. You like how passionate she is when talking about things that she likes and are interested in. She talks very animatedly too that you can’t help but just stare at her full of admiration. You’re completely engross in her stories that there were times in the conversation when she was regaling you with her tales that she has to call your name, asking you what you think about it or letting you know that the stroy is finished.  
You’ve never had this much fun with someone in such a long time.   
You thought. ‘great, this makes this much more difficult not to like her more than you like her already.’  
After finishing your food, you thank her for the wonderful time and she does too. She tells you that you should do this more often and not to just drown yourself all day every week in your apartment, writing or staring into your computer.   
“I promise to pay next time” You wanted to argue but she said it very sweetly that you can’t help but agree to it. How could you not?  
After paying the bill, you told her that you want to pass by the store for a moment to grab some things and food. She agrees and you both make your way into the corner of the street where the store is located.   
You decide to walk cause its very near anyway but halfway through it you catch a glimpse of a car passing the other side. It looks strangely familiar and when it turned to the other side you didn’t miss who was in it. It was Dan but to your surprise, he was not alone in it, he was with a woman sitting by the passenger’s side and you saw how the woman was leaning her head on his shoulders. Both of them didn’t see you and Brittany. You suddenly remembered Britt, the feeling that she must be going through right now, seeing the man that she said she loves with another woman. You turn to look at her and knew by the look on her face that she saw it too. She doesn’t say anything though so you decide that you don’t have too either.   
When you reach the inside of the store, she tells you to just meet her outside after you’re both done with what you need cause she has some things to buy for herself too.   
The whole time you were doing your groceries, all you can think about was that incident with Dan. Should ask Britt about it? At least ask her if she’s okay but ou don’t really know if it’s you’re place to talk about it with her noticing how she doesn’t really talk about Dan.  
After you finished doing your groceries, you went outside and see that she’s already outside. Her mood has clearly changed so you decide to just keep silent and wait for her if she’s ready to talk about it.   
The two of you didn’t talk the whole ride going back home and when you stole a glance at her, you see how she was deep in thought while looking outside the window that you just leave her at it.   
You don’t know how you can hold yourself from asking her though, you’re battling with yourself, there’s so many questions going thru your head that you don’t understand.   
What’s going through her head right now? How can she be so calm after seeing that? Then your thoughts turn to Dan. How can he do this Brittany? She’s so nice that you cant think of any person capable of hurting her.   
You finally reach home and you parked at the side of the road outside her apartment. You turn off the engine and wait for her to say something.   
She’s just looking straight ahead with a pained look in her face. You can’t watch her like this. After what seems like an eternity she manages to she say.   
“Thank you for that San..” She says it very sadly that you feel your heart like it’s being squeezed. You’re hurting for her that you weren’t able to control anymore yourself anymore and what you were about say.   
“ Brit.. I saw everything.. who is that—?“ She didn’t even let you finish with your question but her answer only left you with a lot more that made you regret for even wanting to know in the first place.  
“She’s his wife…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what you think?


	6. Chapter 6

“Shes his wife” That’s the last thing you heard from Brittany before she steps out and went   
inside her apartment but she slowly closes the door you catch her eye seemingly saying ‘I hope   
you understand.

The rest of the day, all you could think about was Brittany. Is she Dan’s mistress? Of course she is if that woman with him is his wife. How can she settle for something like that? How long has she been seeing him? Yeah Dan is good looking, its not hard to go for him, you’d probably have a taste of that if you swing that way. But as Brittany’s friend you know she can do better, particularly someone who is not married. You try not to think of anything more about Brittany’s situation until she herself explains everything to you.

You went to your desk, tried to write some notes and stick it on the board infront of you so you wont forget your ideas when you start writing. You write an email to your mother who you constantly forget to call back. You also email Rachel but not about work, you tell her how you love this place and you may have also told her a bit about this new friend that you’ve met.  
You decide to make dinner, its been a long time since you haven’t cook. Maybe Brittany bringing you home-cooked meals has changed something in your taste that youre not satisfied with canned foods anymore. 

Then your thoughts went back to Brittany again. You think maybe you can bring her a little of what you’ve made. You head out with a casserole in your hands on your way to Brittany’s apartment but when you step out of your door, you spot Dan’s car outside. You stop on your tracks and push back the disappointment you felt into the back of your mind.

Its been days. youre writing. You can already see how you want to story to go, the plot is slowly taking form and you have a good feeling that its gonna be good. You would have felt a little better about this except that you miss the lively blonde’s presence that has been constantly at your apartment. It will be a week tomorrow since you’ve last seen her. Why hasn’t she visited you? yes, it’s a two way street but youre just not sure if its okay to see her in her apartment, what if Dan is there. You think how you cant stand to see her if shes with him. No. you don’t think, youre sure. By now you’ve admitted to yourself that you like her but you know it will never be more than that. You’ve admitted that to yourself as well. You don’t even know if shes into women but youre sure that one time, the way she looked at you, she lingered a little, like she cant get enough. Maybe its wishful thinking on your part.

It’s a weekend, you wake up to your phone ringing, you see its your mother calling, you cant ignore her forever so you take the call. Youre on the phone with her for 45 minutes, you don’t leave your bed though, youre still rolling on it in your underwear. She tells you to take better care of yourself, when can you visit and theres this constant litany that she always repeats to you whenever she can. How shes getting old and she wants, no needs you to settle down already. That it would make her feel better if she know that someone is taking care of you. You always tell her the same thing, not to expect for that anymore because settling down is just not for you. You said your goodbyes and I love you’s then you jump to the bathroom to take a shower. After deciding for a simple shirt and a skirt you went to the kitchen and washed the left-over plates on the sink. You see outside the window what a beautiful day it is. Before this week you only notice the warmth and hair like golden sunshine that Brittany’s presence brings whenever she comes unannounced in your living room or kitchen that you never notice if the sun is rising outside.

Have I done something wrong? Why hasn’t she been in here, you thought for the hundredth time again this week. Was I too forward when I told her I saw Dan?   
You decide what the heck, Im going over. When you reach her doorstep, you seem to doubt if this was a good idea, maybe she needs sometime. You turn your back, about to head back to your apartment when you didn’t hear the door opened.  
“San..?” You turned to see Brittany with the trash Shes wearing a white t-shirt and a small blue shorts. Even with simple clothes, she still looks so beautiful. Will you ever get enough of looking at her? Probably not. Now that youre infront of her, the longing feeling for her presence has doubled. You smile shyly and say “Hi” shes standing there, waiting for you to say something but when you didn’t, she waved at you wait for a minute cause shes just going to put the trash out. She walk past you and you check out her long well-shaped legs and her cute butt. You snap out of your thoughts when she turns back walking towards you.  
“Hey how’ve you been?” you see her a little unsure around you. You smile at her letting her know that youre happy to see her.  
“Im fine. Im sorry for last time..” she said a little afraid of what you might say.  
“Hey its fine.. You don’t have to apologize, you didn’t do anything wrong” You offered immediately. You suddenly have this idea.  
“its such a beautiful day, will you go with me somewhere? Ive been writing the whole week, I could use a break” You tilt your head a little and gave her a pleading look. She smiles at you and you say “Pleaseee..?”  
“Stop. Stop being cute” She chuckles “ok. I will go with you” but adds “I will just call someone and ill be ready out front ok?” she asks.  
“oh yeah, of course. Take your time” Shes probably gonna call him. You don’t wanna ruin your mood by worrying too much about Brittany and Dan.


	7. Chapter 7

You went back to your apartment, you take the blanket, two wine glasses and you went to see if you still have some wine left in your cabinets. After making sure that you have all that you need, you go outside and see that Brittany is already waiting for you outside, she changed into a pleated pink blouse but is still wearing her small blue shorts.  
“Ready?” you ask her with all smiles  
“yes” she giggled “where are we going anyway?”  
“you’ll see…” you said still smiling. You’re a fool. You chuckle at your thoughts. Smiling doesn’t hurt. 

While driving, you turn the radio on knowing Brittany likes to listen to music. You pass by the pizza place and ordered take out while Brittany waits in the car. Halfway there your phone starts ringing but when you’re about to see who it is, it slipped through your hand and fell on your left side. You try to reach for it but youre having a hard time. When you release a grunting noise Brittany turned her focus on you, realizing what happened cause both of you can still hear the phone ringing, she suddenly moved to your side and said “I can reach it for you, just don’t take your eyes off the road.” Youre about to say no, coz you know if she does that you will faint, to be pressed up so close to her, you don’t think you can handle that just yet. But you weren’t able to voice out that its ok to just leave it because Brittany is now already on your side, leaning over, reaching for your phone. She placed her hands on your legs to keep her balance while her other hand is busy searching at the side of the chair. You can smell her hair, how its so sweet with a scent of some fruity flavor. This is too much. Her fragrance is all over.

If she can only hear the conversation youre having with yourself right now. Please get off me now or we will both die!   
Good thing there’s not much cars passing by here cause you cant keep your eyes and thoughts off her. You also cant help notice the side of her face, how it looks so soft and if you just lean a little bit you can already feel it on your lips.  
“ok I got it!” Thank God! Another second of that and you would have been tempted to grace her cheeks with your lips. Maybe you should have and if she asks, you can just say that there was something on her cheeks and since you were holding the steering wheel with both hands, you just used your lips to take it out. You’re a sap.  
“Are we going to the creek?” you hear her ask, looking at the place, recognizing the way where youre about to take her. When you reach your destination. You park your car near a tree, thinking how it would be nice to set up the blanket under it. You see Brittany walk out and went over the creek to see the view with the pizza on hand. You retrieve your phone and see that it was Rachel who called you and quickly sent out a message that youre gonna call her back cause youre doing something with Brittany right now. You take the basket out of the car and make your way under the tree.  
“you’ve come prepared” she says laughing.

When she sees you take out the blanket and placed it on the ground, she squeaks “Oh, I love picnics!” you cant help but smile at her reaction.  
You both eat your food silently, just enjoying the view and fresh air. You opened the bottle of wine and gestured at her to tilt her glass so you can pour some. “Thanks” she says. After awhile, you leaned back at your hands and stretched your legs. She followed your actions and started to just relax still sipping on her glass of wine.  
“You know what, I still don’t know what it is that you do?” you ask her.  
“I have an online job, that’s why Im always at home. I can work in my own pace. It doesn’t really pay that much but its enough.   
“That’s good” you nod your head at her.  
“Hey San, when you told me last week at the restaurant about your writings… uhhm I may have read a few things that you’ve written. Youre good.” She smiles  
“Really? You don’t think my story’s too dark or troubled?” you chuckle  
“Yeah, I admit it was a little too dark for me but youre a good writer” You make a mental note not to tell her about this book youre currently writing now because it has her physical description written all over it.   
Your hands are tired so you lie down and close your eyes at the brightness of the sky. When you slowly open your eyes, you can see her staring at you. There’s something in her eyes, the way she’s looking at you now, you’re just not quite sure what.  
“you’re beautiful….” She says very tenderly. You try very hard not to take her words too seriously ‘coz you know shes very open like that. The short time that you’ve known her, she was never afraid to say how she feels and what she thinks. Her face turned serious then she says quietly “San, Im sorry… I haven’t been to your apartment” she paused but you can see shes still about to say something so you just wait it out. 

You can see shes having a hard time letting out what she wants to say but you show her that youre here   
“You can tell me anything Britt” she smiles at your encouragement.  
“I was afraid that you would think bad of me, when you figure out I’m Dans… mistress” There she said it.  
Shes looking away, with a sad look in her face. You don’t think you could think badly of her though. You’ve already decided that youre going to be her friend for life. Even to be just that.  
“I love him and because of that I don’t have a lot of friends and my parents doesn’t support the relationship. They wont talk to me as long sa Im still with him” You don’t take your attention off of her. You don’t know how you feel about all of this yet. Youre just listening, that’s what a good friend would do at this time. 

When you stayed silent, she mistook it for something else “Please say something..”  
That’s when you tell her what how you feel “I will never think badly of you Britt and I promise I will be here for you no matter what” You reach out for her hands and add “ whenever you need to tell me something, when youre ready, I will be here ok?” you peek at her eyes that’s looking down at the both of your hands then she nods and smiles at you very sweetly. “Ok. Can we talk about something else this time? we can do 21 questions?” she says trying tot lighten the mood. Brittany, you discovered is very open about everything except her situation with Dan. You understand her avoidance that its coming from guilt. Shes not proud of it. She lies down beside you and you can smell her sweet scent again. You feel her arms rub with yours and how soft it is. You forget that she said she loves Dan. You forget all your questions. You forget how you desire to have something better for her. You forget how you wanna protect her and make her happy, knowing that staying satying with a married man will never bring her all of this. You’ve never felt this compelled to protect someone before. All that matters is she’s beside.   
“What do you really think about me now?” she asks, maybe sensing that your mind is having all this sorts of battle involving her.  
You think of your answer well and just out right decided to tell her honestly “you can do better…” you cant see her reaction because your both looking up the sky then you add “that you deserve someone better.” You didn’t expect her to reply but she says “Yeah” very quietly. You thought you agreed that you were not gonna talk anymore about Dan but Brittany wants to tel you something and you let her “He’s good to me” she says, like she’s trying to make you understand why she’s with him. “He was there when I was all alone in the City cause he has some business there. He helped me with so many things and at that time I didn’t know that he was married until it was too late.” You understand her a little now. Why shes in it. “My friends stayed away from me when they found out that Dan was married. That made me stick to him even more, he really was the only one who stayed with me and my family was so far away. He helped me get my apartment and my job. I transferred to this place just outside the city, away from all the buzz. He was all that ive got and its been 3yrs now. He really does make me feel special. I know its not an excuse but its really hard to just get out of it just that easily. We’ve shared so many things together” she takes a breathe and continues “there were moments whenever my conscience gets to me, that I thought of getting out of the relationship but he would always say that he and his wife are getting a divorce any moment now and how easy it would be also coz they have no children. That he would leave his wife for me but I know deep inside that I don’t want that. Oh San, I don’t know what I want..”


	8. Chapter 8

All you’ve been thinking after Brittany said that is how come nobody ever met her and liked her, before or after she was with Dan. If any unmarried person meets her, they would definitely like her, look what happened to her then maybe she would feel like she has a choice. But Brittany’s situation are all in favor to Dan, how she rarely goes out coz she works at home and how conveniently Dan found her a place near the outskirts of town where one rarely goes, that’s why she chose this place cause there’s not much disturbance.  
“Im just happy that I met you” she says. You turn from your thoughts to look at her. Then it dawned on you. It’s You. It will be you to show her that she has a choice. That she’s a treasure. Your found treasure. You will show her how special she is. You don’t know how you will do it but God knows you will whatever it takes.  
“Im happy to have known you too Britt..”  
After sometime of just lying there, you feel Brittany’s head falls limp on your shoulder. She’s asleep. Aww she looks so adorable. Feeling a little tired yourself, you lean your head above hers too. You don’t know how long you’ve dozed off but you’re awaken by a single drop of water on your nose. You don’t open your eyes yet but you feel another drop on your forehead and the next thing you know the rain is already pouring hard.  
“San, its raining” Brittany squeaked. You quickly try to put away the things and place it inside the basket, wanting to dash off to your car but you see there’s really no point trying not to get away from the rain at all when you see Brittany playing in the rain. You surrendered and just sit there, seeing as you’re already wet and just to wait for her to come back from the creek. You see her splashing in the water, she waved at you to join her but you signed that you will stay where you are right now. She stuck her tongue out at you for being such a kill joy then she turned her back at you. You see her motioning like she’s going to take her shirt off. Oh God, you hope a little that she doesn’t have a nice body inside that shirt of hers but you didn’t see it yet cause she went underwater but when she slowly got out, walking her way to the shore, you can’t believe your eyes. She’s fucking perfect! Her well-rounded breast covered by her black bra, curves in the right places and her toned abs that are to die for. Good thing shes not looking your way cause your totally gawking at her with your jaws probably hanging down. She’s almost near you now, you can see the water dripping in between her breasts slide all the way down to her abs then stops at her belly button.  
“I just want you to know, I’m going over there to tickle you if youre not going to join me” she says nodding her head telling you that she’s serious.  
“Please don’t…” you plead at her. No one has ever tickled you before. You don’t think that you have one ticklish bone in your body. Your ex-girlfriend even commented once that your rigid. Youre surprised when Brittany suddenly jumped and is now tickling your sides. You’re trying to dodge her fingers and all you can think about is how you wanna wrap her in a towel cause she’s not wearing any shirt. You can’t take this. You’re laughing and staring at her breast so hard.   
You’re now lying on your back yelling “Stop, stop, stop!” But she’s not stopping. You somehow manage to change your position and you get back at her by tickling her too. Seeing that Brittany is a little strong, you force your way to straddle her so she cant get loose.  
“Im sorry, Im sorry, please stop… enough” she tries to get out in between her laugh.  
She caught your wrist but you’re still fighting for control that she accidentally tugs harder and you fall into her shirtless chest with your face just inches above her. Suddenly everythings quiet and only now you hear that the rain has stopped. All you feel is her ragged breathing beneath you, the up and down movements of her chest. Her natural scent that’s all Brittany, she still smells so good even if she was wet from swimming plus she’s totally shirtless underneath you, panting from heavy breaths and this thick air that suddenly surrounds you two.  
To be honest, you have imagined kissing Brittany before, in a universe where you’re allowed to kiss her, you are so sure that you’ll be so bad at it, a total mess and so nervous about it that you’d probably miss her lips. But right here and now all you can think is how right this is. How seemingly natural it is to be in this position with her. This is it. You cant let this moment pass. You’d be a fool to let this moment pass.  
She’s staring straight into you, she has this mesmerized look in her face. Your eyes go down to her lips, she licks the tiny drop of rain that’s on it and with the look in her eyes, she knows that youre going to kiss her. you’re inches above her face. You can feel the hotness of her breathing from her slightly opened lips. You hear yourself gasp when it was her who closed the gap between you two. You forget about everything now, all you’re thinking is how soft and warm her lips are. Her hands went up behind your neck and you press yourself more into her. God she feels so good.. You’ve never felt this good kissing someone before. You heard her moan and took it as an encouragement. You try to be daring now. You parted your lips a little, tipping your tongue on her lips testing if she’ll grant you entrance. You can’t get enough. When you feel her part her lips a little, you plunge your tongue inside her mouth and you think you’d go crazy with how good this feels. Her tongue battling with yours is so soft and sends warmth all the way to the center in between your legs. You feel like all your insides are slowly becoming alive for the first time in a very long time. You can hear your heart beating in your ears. You place your other hand that’s not leaning on your side to hold her neck and pull her more to meet your face. You pull your mouth awayfrom hers but travelled your kisses on her neck instead. You suck a little then slide your hands to her arms and place it on her waist and squeezed it a little. You were so carried away at how good she feels that you don’t feel her hands on your chest slowly pushing you back.  
“San…stop…” you look up to her eyes, and see confusion in there. She looks so conflicted but she’s also not moving away from you. You just drop your forehead on her chin, exhaled thru your nose and then nod. “yes sorry…” You start to slowly move away from her and see her getting up on her feet too.  
“Can we go home now..?” she says without looking at you. Did she regret the kiss? You can’t seem to decipher what she feels by the way she looks now. One thing you don’t want is for her to feel uncomfortable around you. After this, whatever happens, you’re sure of one thing, you can’t loose her even for just a friend. You somehow regret what you did but how can you regret something so good like that. Even if you don’t get to do that ever again, you’d be contented to go on living having experienced that with Brittany. Even if all she can offer is just her friendship.  
You’re both silent on the way back, you’re afraid to test the waters, not ready tp see even the smallest hint of rejection from her.   
When you’re nearly home, you feel the words bubble up your chest and you say” Britt… what happened back there..” You’re not finish but you see her eyes looking straight ahead when you see Dan on the side of the road standing beside his car with flowers in hand.  
“Can we not talk about that right now?” You feel a sharp pain in your chest. God why did you let this get to this point. Why didn’t you just stay away from her. Just with that one sentence that she said, you already feel like your heart is being torn out of your chest. That’s why you didn’t let anybody in. Look now, even if you wanted to get out, you know you can’t. Not now, you admitted to yourself defeatedly.  
You nod your head at Dan, acknowledging his presence. Brittany looked like she was about to say something when she got out of the car but decided not to. She threw one last glance at you then she makes her way to him, his arms immediately snakes around her waist, keeping her very close to his side. Like branding her from every one, saying she’s all mine. You almost shouted at him “you have a wife, asshole!”. He looks at her very lovingly and you heard him say faintly to her “hi babe, why are you all wet?” You didn’t get to hear her reply cause you really can’t take anymore of that. All you want to do is go up to her and shake some sense into Brittany but you really don’t have the right to do that. Even as her friend. Wether you like it or not Dan has been in her life longer than you. They have shared something that made Brittany want to stay with him. Out of all the people in the world why did you decide to like a girl with a very complicated situation.  
Only when you step inside your apartment, you feel the exhaustion from the emotional turmoil that you felt the small hours after kissing Brittany. You went from being on the top with the kiss and dove straight down on your face when you saw her with Dan.


	9. Chapter 9

You have a writer’s block . You don’t know what to write. Nothing comes to mind. You’ve been pacing back and forth in apartment. It’s been more than a week since you and Brittany kissed. You don’t put an effort in seeing her too, not wanting to see her reaction if she didn’t liked what happened between or to build an effort only to be crushed if you see Dan is with her. Fuck. You didn’t have to kiss her but you remember it was her who made the first move to connect your lips. Was she just trying to see what it was like? You curse at yourself for ever liking her more than you should have in the first place. But did you really have a choice, if there’s such a thing as being ambushed by an extreme adorableness by a person then that’s what happened to you. Brittany happened to you. You remembered the first few days when you arrived here, you laid awake one night and prayed for something to happen to you, to give you something… a sense to live for. Maybe, you felt it.. you felt it with Brittany’s presence, with her friendship but why must it be this complicated?! Fuck, life!  
“oh fuck this I’m going out!” you shouted out of nowhere and threw the remote on the couch.  
It’s Friday so there must be some happenings in this town. Is there even a gay bar near here or even just a bar? Then you remember Marley, maybe she knows a place that’s nice to hang out.  
You immediately spot her when you went inside Breadstix. You take a seat and she sees you, you nod at her then after taking some orders, she makes her way to your table now.  
“Hey beautiful, you’re out alone tonight?” she smiles and then winks at you  
“Yeah, I wanted to see what this town is like on a Friday night” you tell her with a smile. You know she’s into you so asking her will be easy. Oh I’m sure. The only times you’re unsure is when it involves a certain blonde. Now you remember her again. The last time you see her with Marley around, you detected a little tension there but youre not quite sure why. But what the hell, you have every right to do whatever you want to do.  
“where’s Brittany, are you waiting for her?” she asked curiously   
“uhhm.. I don’t really know where she is. I haven’t seen her”   
“oh, okay. So can I help you with anything?” she said flirtatiously  
“ uhmm actually you can…I came here to ask you if you’d go with me”? youre brows raising a little in a request “ I mean if you can show me around town or something” you’ve never seen her smile so eagerly at you.  
“I know just the right place!” she exclaimed “my shift ends in 45 minutes, you can have a beer while waiting then we can be on our way”  
“Yeah that’s fine” you smile at her  
“You wont regret that you asked me!” she says beaming with a smile. Hmmm we’ll see. You nod at her before she went back to the back of the restaurant.  
After 45 minutes, Marley is out of the kitchen but you see that she has already changed into a skinny jeans and a spaghetti strap top. Ok, she’s hot, you say to yourself but her hair color is not the right shade. She’s beautiful but she doesn’t have soft and creamy skin like a certain person you know. Oh stop it! Stop thinking about Brittany! She’s not here, Marley is and she’s the one who’s going to show you a good time.  
“Are you ready to go?” she asked with a beaming smile  
“yes” and throw some bills on the table then you both head outside  
“let’s take my car” she says leading you to the parking lot  
Marley shots you smiles while she’s driving. After some time you stop to this place right above town.  
“what’s this place?’ you ask  
“This is the hippest bar you’ll find in this area” when you enter inside, you see it’s not bad. They have pool tables, a gaming station on the other side, a small band playing right at the center and a nicely decorated bar at the back. There’s also a patio outside with tables for intimate dinners that overlooks the trees outside.  
“what do you wann have?” Marley asks and you notice her lean a little closer to you.  
“I’ll have rhum and coke”  
“ok. One rhum and coke and one gin and tonic please”   
“So.. why are you really out all alone tonight?” she peeks thru her glass, while taking a sip  
“like I said I wanted to see what I could do in this town on a Friday night” not really wanting to open up to her about the real reason. “also I needed a drink..”  
She smiles at you and holds your arm “we’ll have lots of drink then” and gave you a wink.  
Throughout the night, Marley dragged you to all the parts of the bar. You let her cause she’s actually not that bad and she’s funny too. You tried playing with the slot machines and played pool with her too. After playing, you hear this good music playing, Marley tugs you to the dance floor and says that she likes this songs. You’re a little drunk by now but when she pulls you closer and placed her hands a little lower on you back it didn’t go unnoticed. She placed her other hands on your neck and run small circles of her fingers at the hair on your neck. She leans back to look at you in the eye. You see she wants to kiss you. You don’t feel any tingle, no butterflies in your stomach but you want to wash out Brittany’s kisses on your lips so without saying anything, you drag Marley out to the patio and push her back into the dark corner where the lights of the small bulb hanging as decorations cannot reach. You slamyour lips into her. It’s a sloppy kiss. You can feel her hands all over you.  
“uhhh youre so hot Santana..” she tells you while panting. But all you can think about was how different it sounds like. Even if what you’ve done all night is try to not think of the blonde but hearing Marley’s voice, it only brought about more how it’s not Brittany you’re kissing. It’s not the same sweet voice and fragrance that you have been longing for.  
You feel her squeezing you breast outside your dress and you caught her wrist “I’m sorry…” you push her back, trying to keep your balance with your head is bowed down. “ Im sorry.. I can’t” then you walk out without as much as a glance back at Marley.  
You were able to hitch a ride back into town and walk back to your car, you see the clock on your dashboard that it’s already 3am. A little sobered up you pass by the gas station store to buy some more beer and a pack of cigarette. You don’t really smoke anymore coz you had troubles with your health and your doctor advised you to kick the habit if you still want to live a longer life but you could really use one right now.  
When your almost at your apartment, you see someone sitting at your doorstep. You did forget to turn the lights on your front porch but there’s really no mistaking who the slim figure and streaks of blonde hairs belong to.  
“what are you doing here Brittany” you said while approaching, annoyed that she can just show up anytime she wants. She can’t do this anymore and not show herself for more than a week. You see her tired eyes scanning you, recognizing that you’ve been out partying and you’re still drunk. You trying to keep your balance kinda gave it away. When her eyes reach yours again, you want to look away cause you know you’ll be suck in it again, like all you wanna do forever is to swim in it. In her. Ugh you cant deal with this tonight.  
“go home Brittany” you tell her dismissively but once you said it you feel like you just kicked a puppy in the stomach. Seeing the flash of hurt in her eyes.  
“can we talk?” she stands up making her way to you but you step back afraid id that if you smell her you’d completely forget that all you can be to her is her friend.  
“I don’t want to talk, I just want a drink!” you see her giving up, thinking how drunk you are and you can’t really talk with a sense right now in this condition. You see her take a step to go back to her apartment and you almost want to go inside yours but feel this sudden urge to spill out what has been constantly bugging your mind. Armed with the boldness of the alcohol you say to her, almost a whisper “why did you kiss me…?”   
She stops on her tracks and slowly turns her back to face you “ I don’t know” you see how she’s very confused with all of this too. You feel a little relieved, At least you’re not the only one. You want to ask her so many things. There’s so many things going thru your mind. You’ve never been this confused like this, you almost wish that maybe it would have been easier if you hadn’t met her but you know that’s not true.  
“Where’s Dan?” You can’t think of anything else to ask.  
“We had a fight” she said with eyes that are a little glossy  
“did you go out with someone?” she asked a little hesitantly  
“Marley” you see her shoulder slump down with your answer and her forehead wrinkled and she’s looking at her feet now. Is she jealous?  
“are you okay?” completely forgetting that you were annoyed at her awhile ago.  
She nods looks at you with so much longing in her eyes. what she says next completely erased all the self-control you’ve been mustering, building with all your strength…  
“I… I know, I don’t have the right.” She pauses and inhaled deeply “to feel this way BUT I didn’t like it that…” she looks at you straight in the eyes “ that you went out with Marley..”


	10. Chapter 10

“I…I know I don’t have the right, to feel this way.. but I didn’t like it that you went out with Marley” that’s the last thing Brittany tells you.  
That’s all you need really.  
You don’t remember the steps you made to get to her, you don’t remember where you’re standing at right now, all your thinking really is how her lips feels when you crashed yours into hers. This is all I need. The softness of her lips, how crazy good she smells and the touch of her skin and how she feels so right in your arms. You feel the tip of her tongue shyly sneaking entrance, you open your lips at once and the touch of her tongue is so slow and warm, dancing with your own. You lift her up, youre surprised at your own strength, probably brought by the adrenaline of too much pleasure. You carry her inside your apartment careful not to stumble, completely sober now but just drunk with all of Brittany, if there’s such a thing. She’s like a drug really, something you know that’s not good for but you just can’t stay away from. You slowly drop her on the couch and settled on top of her in between her legs. You hold her face to bring her mouth closer, kissing her slowly and softly, trying to savor her warmth and just how good she feels. You pulled away just inches above and watch her face intently, tenderly robbing your thumbs on her cheeks. Your apartment is all dark not having time to switch on the lights but you can still see her expression from the light on the streets shining into the your living room. You look for a sign of hesitation from her and don’t see any. She bites her lower lips, while watching, waiting for your next move. Even though nothing’s clear and you’d probably regret this after but you really don’t want to stop what’s about to happen. You feel this magnet tugging at your whole being towards her.. Lust, Passion, Love. Woah, love? Really? Try not to think about it for now.  
“kiss me…” her silent whisper brings you back from your thoughts.  
You rest your forehead on top of hers and closed your eyes. You inhale deeply her scent. There’s no turning back now, anyway you’ve crossed the line already when you two kissed at the creek.  
You tip your nose at her face to position her mouth then kissed her thoroughly with all the strength and passion you have in your body. Her tongue feels like silk, battling for dominance with yours. You turn from slow to just hungrily kissing each other now. Your hands are all over her sides, gliding on it, reveling in how soft her skin is, then you stop at her thighs and slowly move upwards to cup her ass. You feel her buckle herself into you, moaning with pleasure. Her hands slowly lifting your shirt up, feeling the exposed skin at your back. You feel the electricity of her touch run thru your veins and stop in between your legs pooling it with wetness. You bring your hands to her stomach that’s now also exposed from moving beneath you. You transfer your attention to her neck, sucking at her pulse point. Every moan you hear from her adds more wetness to your already soaked underwear. Your hands are now under her shirt, moving up stopping just below her ribcage. She lifts her body closer to you loving where your hands are next leading to. You feel how hot she is in between her legs when it came into contact with your stomach making you more aroused than you already are. You don’t think twice with her bras, thinking to yourself, to fuck this barrier and without much hesitations you slip your hands into them and is now fully holding her breast. You knead and squeeze it, rubbing her nipples with your finger and familiarizing your hands with it. Maybe because of the alcohol in your bloodstream, you don’t hesitate to lift her shirt up to her neck and pull her bra with it, exposing her breasts. Seeing how perfectly round her the shape of her breast are you immediately brought your mouth to cover it, sucking it gently and flicking your tongue into her already erect nipple. Her whimpers and moans gives you the impression that you’re doing the right thing. You slowly bring back your hands to her thighs running your hands on it and cup her ass loving the shape of it   
You have to touch her now, your longing for that one intimate place to touch. You already feel like you’re about to explode if you do not.  
You run your fingers on her navel and slowly grace your fingertips on the top of her shorts. You fumble with the buttons when you stop for a moment and catch yourself from what you are doing. You turn your gaze upwards and look into her eyes. Her blue shades are so dark right now and so full of lust. You wait for a sign of approval. You have to make sure that she wants this too.   
Then she nods. “are you sure?” you don’t know what you will do if she says no. You’ll go crazy if she stops this now but she takes your face with both of her hands and kissed you with all her might and says “yes…” one small word but so full of trust and longing. You don’t waste any more time and opened the buttons of her shorts and guide it off of her. You run your palms just below her navel and cup her center still covered with her underwear and you feel the slight moisture in there. You slowly peel it off her and she lifts her bottom to help you in disregarding it and you threw it across the room. You can see Brittany now in all her glory, she’s totally naked except for the shirt and bra pulled up just above her chest. Kneeling infront, staring straight into her, she notices how you’re a little overdressed for this so she sits up and removes your dress and throws it over your head. She pulls you with her when she lays back again and you gasp when you feel the nakedness of her chest and the heat coming from the core in between her legs. You pulled her into a wet kiss, both tongues getting to know each other more. You knead her breast more roughly this time and pulled away from her mouth and transferred it on her other breast, sucking fully at it. Now you slowly travel your hands from her breast while still sucking on the other one, lifting yourself a little so you can run your hands all the way from her navel to slowly reaching her folds.  
“oh God you’re so wet…” You hear your very hoarse voice say. Your mouth feels so dry but you don’t give a fuck. You feel like you’ve gone to heaven by how good she feels in your hands. You rub your fingers to her slick folds over and over and can’t help but say “ you feel so got Britt..”  
She’s moaning and writhing beneath your touch. You rest your head on the valley of her breast, licking the sweat from it while your hands don’t stop in giving her pleasure. You almost climaxed at the hotness and wetness that you feel while rubbing Brittany. You slide one finger into her and you feel like youre going to die, you’ve never felt this good pleasuring anyone ever before. She buckles her hips into you, wanting more so you insert one more finger into her. you slowly found a rhythm, while going in and out of her and with her actions you can see how much she likes what you’re giving her. You curl your fingers inside of her and rub your thumbs at her clit.  
“uuuh.. San..” she pulls your face into her and kissed you sloppily. You can feel her almost near the edge “San.. Im coming..” her muscles tightening around your fingers. You almost came at the thought of you having this effect on her. “shh.. just let go.. im here to catch you” you tell her and hopes she also understands the meaning behind it.   
A few more push and circles of your thumb on her clit and she tips over the edge and holds unto your neck, breathing heavily into your ears. “oh God.. oh god.. uhhh” then she falls heavily into the couch after reaching her orgasm. After catching her breath a few more minutes she tells you “San.. that was” you look into her eyes full of love “yeah.. it was” you don’t really have to continue, you both know the word you were looking for is amazing. Indescribable. There’s no word for it really being this close and intimate with her. And Yes, love. You admit it now. There’s no point in denying it anymore. You’ll just have to push it at the back of your heart for a little and wait for Brittany on how she responds to all of this after.  
You lie beside her on the couch and nuzzle your nose in her neck. She pulls you into an embrace, tangling her legs into yours. Her sweat is slowly drying now and you feel goosebumps on her skin. She’s cold but she just pulled you tighter into her. You reach for the blanket draped at the back of the couch and covered both of your bodies in it.


	11. Chapter 11

You don’t go to sleep yet. You don’t think you can after what just happened. She has not moved in your arms for minutes now so you think she has already dozed off. You nestled more into her, wanting to absorb all her warmth. That’s Brittany to you all warmth and goodness. You run your hands up and down her waist into the side of her thigh, doing it over and over while you wait for sleepiness to come. You don’t want to think about what will happen after this. You just revel in the moment of having her here with you, of having her in your arms. You don’t know how long you’ve been staring at the ceiling but you almost jump when she suddenly says ‘I can hear you..” She looks down to your face with a tired smile  
“you’re awake” wondering what she means by what she just said   
“what do you mean, you can hear me? I did not say a word” you look up from her chest and raise your eyebrows at her  
“I can hear the loudness of your thoughts” she giggles and you roll your eyes at her. she lifts your chin so you can look at her. you just held each other’s eyes for seconds now when she runs her index finger up and down your cheek, her thumb holding your chin. She kisses you softly and stares back at you again, running her other hands thru your hair. You feel lost in this moment, thinking how you can live like this, staying and doing nothing but this forever.  
“San Im hungry…: she says just inches away from your mouth. You give her a peck, one last more and say “We can eat”  
After you both dress up, you go to the kitchen to look for something to eat. Seeing that it’s already 5am, Brittany offered to make you pancakes and fried some bacons with it. While sitting on the kitchen table and watching Brittany move around your kitchen, stealing glances at you and giving you her signature smiles, you can’t help but love how domestic this all feels. What you constantly deny to yourself, that you want something like this in your life is happening right here, right now in your kitchen.  
You don’t want to talk about what happened with her just yet cause you’re afraid that you’ll scare her off. You’re curious about one thing though  
“Uhmm.. Britt..”   
she slightly turns on her shoulder and raised her brows at you   
“what?”   
she says while licking her fingers with a small mixture of pancake on it   
“Have you done that before? I mean have you been with a woman like that before?” you asked a little unsure if she’d be comfortable with your question.  
“why do you need to ask?” she said too seriously and you fidget on your chair but then immediately starts to laugh at your reaction   
“I’m kidding San..but to answer your question. I may have experimented a little in college but we never really got past making out” she tells and turns a little shy by adding   
“You were actually my first…uhm, you know”  
“yes, I get it” you catch her from the words she was looking for to describe it  
You can see her back shaking while standing infront of the stove, finishing what she’s making. Why is she laughing?  
“why are you laughing?”   
“Because you’re cute when you’re a little nervous”  
Yeah, it also surprises you how you don’t even mind that you look like a complete fool around her.  
You continue to answer Rachel’s email with your laptop on the table when Brittany tells to stop working and just enjoy the breakfast that she made.  
“this is good Britt” you tell her when you had your first bite and she just smile at you while also busy eating a mouthful of her pancakes.   
Your phone suddenly rings and you see it’s Rachel calling, you think maybe it’s an emergency cause why would she call you at his hour so you quickly answer the phone.  
“Rachel, is something wrong?!” your voice full of concern  
“Everything’s fine Santana!” Her voice is so loud, you’re sure Brittany can hear it.  
“Then why are you calling at this ungodly hour?!” you ask her, now annoyed  
“who is this new friend, you’re telling me in your every email S!?” you eye Brittany shyly knowing she heard it. This table is not that big you know.  
“No one! Can we talk later?!”  
“I know it’s someone Santana, you said you’ve met someone interesting and you were practically gushing about her in your email! And you never do that! I have to meet her and---“  
You immediately cut her off “Bye Rach, I’ll call you later” then you turned off your phone.  
“sorry about that..” you say to Brittany who looks like she was not giving any attention to all that but says without looking up from her food  
“So you were gushing about me to your friend?” while peeking thru her eyes, clearly trying to tease you.  
“That’s Rachel. She exaggerates too much and she’s a drama queen” you say trying to convince her and Brittany just nods and gives you a smile. Ugh you just wanna pull her into your arms and kiss her but you’re not sure if it’s okay.  
After finishing Breakfast, you both clean up and helped in washing the plates with Brittany sometimes bumping your shoulder trying to be playful without taking her attention away from the plates and just smiles in the corner of her lips.  
When you both walk to the living room, you suddenly feel unsure, you don’t know if you should accompany her to the door or sit on the couch again. You feel sleepy though so you release a yawn which Brittany notices and said  
“You should head to bed and rest” You want to say only if you’d come and sleep with me but you just nod  
“ I should go now” you step forward to go with her to the door when you feel her hands hold yours and pulled you back to meet her lips. You kiss each other slowly with a little tongue for several minutes in your living room then she pulls away and says “thanks San..” then she heads out.  
She needs to stop giving you this kisses out of nowhere really. It makes all your senses fuzzy and your brain likes shuts down.  
You don’t really know what she’s thanking you for. Is It for the kiss? For the orgasm you gave her? or maybe just for breakfast. You give up thinking for answers cause your eyelids are so heavy now that you don’t even reach your bed and you just crashed on your couch still smelling Brittany’s scent all over it.  
The last 6 days you feel like you’re in heaven. You hate to use that term really cause it makes you feel like a total cliché and there’s no such thing. So okay, let’s just say, you feel like you’re walking on clouds. You just feel so light, like you have wings. This is what everybody is thinking about but doesn’t really talk about, you only read this in books or get to watch on stupid romantic films. What everybody’s afraid of cause they long so much for it and fear that they go thru life without ever finding it.   
But did you really find it? You don’t want to think about the answer cause you’ll end up feeling bad about how complicated this situation with Brittany is again. You just want to savor this feeling you have when you’re with her every moment.  
For the past days you have been spending every meal with each other. She cooks and goes over to your apartment or sometimes does the cooking in there. You don’t really cook that much so you just live it up to her. You even thought to yourself to just do the grocery thing together and share the bill or better yet just get a joint account so you don’t bother on splitting the bills anymore. You can’t help but cringed at your own thoughts, the hair at back of your neck standing up at how much you don’t detest the idea. You don’t tell Brittany all these though, what? You’re not that crazy.  
You don’t talk about what happened cause you don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable. She’s the one with the baggage, well if you call Dan a baggage but you prefer to call him D, for douchebag but only to yourself. You doubt if she likes you cause you feel like she’s avoiding the issue by also not bringing it up but all of that is erased by the small gestures she always does, the lingering touches and the stolen glances she’s constantly giving you when she’s at the kitchen or in the living while you’re busy pretending to write on your desk.   
It also affirmed to you that maybe she really does feel something for you when during the 3rd day of always cooking for both of you, you decided to take Brittany out cause you’re not really good in cooking. You only know one dish and maybe you’ll cook that for her but there’s always next time.   
So You go into town to have dinner at the diner when you ran into Marley  
“oh San!” she greets you but just nods and smile at Brittany   
“Hi Marley, How are you?!” that’s coming from Brittany, you still don’t know what to say to her knowing you just left the last time you were with her.  
“Im good but I was about to ask if you were Santana, with how you kinda dash off the last time we were about to you know..” she says with a knowing smile, insinuating that something was happening before you left her.  
“uh im good” you say looking from her to Brittany, who is now busy looking at her hands  
“that’s good, maybe we can go out again some other time and continue where we left off” she winks and grins at you.  
“see you around Brittany!” then she goes her way.  
Brittany has been silent since the run in with Marley. You’re now seated at the booth and just both finished giving your orders and she still hasn’t said a word and is just staring outside the window. She did admit how she didn’t like it that you went out with Marley and now knowing that maybe something happened with you two, you get why Brittany’s like this. She does like you somehow if she feels this way. But how much? You don’t want to ask. Yes she does lovely things for you, so much that you’re afraid you’ll get so used to it but you can’t really measure it with that cause you discovered with your time with Brittany that she’s really caring like that, it’s just in her nature. She sometimes talks about how she volunteers at the kid’s center and home for the elderly before. Maybe she just feels the same way towards you, that you need help like those children and old folks that she volunteers with. But you also know that it’s not all that with those sweet things she does for you, you feel there’s something more specially with the way she’s acting now.  
You’ve had enough of this silent treatment “Nothing happened between me and Marley” you look at her, still with her gaze outside the window, then she turns her attention to you and you continue to say.  
“But we kissed…” you might as well be honest, also you want to see her reaction. You can’t take it though when she looks like that. Like she’s a little hurt maybe, but wait is she?   
She’s meant to smile, that beautiful smile is meant to be shown so you couldn’t help but add.   
“I couldn’t go thru it… cause I was still so caught up with my last kiss..” then she looks at you and you see it, there a tiny twist in her lips, then she’s smirking with her head down but blue eyes peeking at you. No wonder really, why D as in douchebag won’t let her go and hide her from the rest of the world. When you see that smile, you would understand.  
After dinner you went back home, she thanked you for taking her out and bid you goodnight. You enter your apartment and decided to have a glass of wine to help you with sleep. You went to your desk and looked at your post its of ideas thinking if you should add some. After an hour you decide to go to sleep, washed your face, brush your teeth and just wore a wife beater and your underwear to sleep since it’s a warm night anyway. You lay in bed just staring at the ceiling, you always do this before dozing off but when you feel sleepiness slowly getting to you, you hear a knock on your front door. You quickly jumped out of bed and forget to put a robe on. When you opened the door, you see Brittany standing there with a long shirt on and a silent oh escaped her mouth when she saw you with just your underwear on but quickly recovered by saying lightly   
“Im having a hard time sleeping” you stop yourself from wanting to pull her into your arms when you see the hunger in her eyes slowly roaming from your head to toe.  
“come inside..” you tell her with a groggy voice. When she’s inside you ask  
“Can I get you anything?” she shakes her head and say  
“can we just go to sleep? I mean, is it okay if I sleep beside you on your bed?” she asks hopefully.   
Yeah, if you want to torture me.  
But you don’t answer and just thread your fingers into her and guide her into the bedroom. You settled into your side and see her slowly lie down next to you. You see her turn to your side so she can face you.  
“San…” you turn to face her too “can I put my arms around you?” You can do anything you want with me. Ask me for anything and I’ll give it to you, within my power and within my reach. You’re really turning into someone you don’t even know. You think of all of these but just simply smile and say   
“come here…” she placed her arms in your waist and laid her head on your shoulder. Aah this scent, can I Just bottle it up and keep it? Can I bottle you up and keep you forever?  
“Night San..” she says as she settles more into you. You run your hands, into her blonde locks feeling the weight of her head after sometime letting you know she’s already asleep and you whisper into the darkness “goodnight Britt..”


	12. Chapter 12

It’s the weekend and it’s been 7 days and 8hrs since you’ve been living in a domestic bliss with Brittany (yeah, you wish) but who’s counting? No one really. You’re on your computer when an IM suddenly popped out.  
TooBlonde4U – “Pssst”  
It’s Brittany, You remember she asked you what’s your IM name yesterday during lunch and when you asked why she just shrug and said, just asking.  
S. Lopez – “Pssst back”  
TooBlonde4U – “Wachu doiinn..?”  
S. Lopez – “Just making some changes on my recent chapter”  
TooBlonde4U – “Quick! Are you up to doing something with me today?  
Like I wanna go there and have my way with you something?  
S. Lopez – “nope”  
TooBlonde4U – “ :( “  
You’re too beautiful to frown.  
S. Lopez – “turn that curve upside down Britt”  
TooBlonde4U – “if you stop being such a buzz kill, I wil”  
S. Lopez – “you’re just too blonde for me”   
TooBlonde4U – “shut up”  
S. Lopez – “why what do you want to do?”  
TooBlonde4U – “can we go to the creek again? pleeeeassee San..?”  
As if you could really say no. You’ve been held hostage. You don’t even own your own breath anymore, she always takes it away.  
S. Lpoez – “I’ll think about it”   
Yes, you can’t make it too easy for her. Whatever happened to your dignity and pride?  
TooBlonde4U – “can I bribe you with your favorite pasta dish? :)))))))))”  
Well you can bribe me with a kiss.  
S. Lopez – “maybe..”  
TooBlonde4U – “yay!! Be ready after an hour, I’ll pick you up this time. the pasta will be sooo good, you will forget your name!”  
S. Lopez – “Don’t keep your hopes up too high Britt”  
You immediately sign off and took a shower, denying to yourself that you’re a little excited for this afternoon outing with Brittany. After an hour you hear the honking of a horn outside. It’s your hostage taker with hair like gold, sporting an illegal smile outside, in her convertible car, you see while peeking thru the window.  
You strut outside with this cute outfit you chose, blouse & skirt that accentuates your nice figure and legs. What? You do care about fashion too you know. When you hop into the car you tell her “Nice car!”  
“Uh Dan gave it to me” Dan who? It’s been days since you last seen him or even Brittany mentioning him that you almost forgot that he exists. Oh yeah D as in douchebag, you wonder where he is or what’s happening between him and Brittany right now or what they fought about but you don’t ask. You try to forget it, you don’t want to ruin this beautiful day.  
You are now at the creek, Britt parked at the same spot the last time you were here.  
“Please remind me not to let you drive next time”  
Brittany is an animal behind the wheel, no scratch that, a crazy animal. She’s so gentle on other things but just minutes ago you found out that nobody really is perfect. Well her driving and being with D-bag that’s her imperfections. An animal and a hostage-taker, what did you get yourself into? They did say looks can be deceiving but can you really blame me?  
She’s laughing and said “oh don’t be so dramatic” Me, dramatic?  
“You almost hit a truck when you decided to overtake that car!”  
“San the truck was too far from us!” she says while shaking her head at you and you just roll your eyes at her.  
She takes the basket out of the car and you help her in setting up the blanket and the food.  
“This looks good”  
“wait till you have a taste of it!” she exclaimed.  
She watches you while you take your first bite.  
“Well?”  
“hmm its good..” you say nonchalantly. Pride. Dignity, remember.  
“Ha! Just good?! It’s amazing! Admit it?!” No. you are amazing.  
“yeah, I guess you can call it that” then you give her a smile. You can do smile, like more than two smiles a day (that’s your limit )but only to her. You don’t have a choice, you’re a hostage. There’s no point in fighting.  
After eating you both just enjoy the view, sitting there relaxing when a group of teenagers arrived at the other side of the creek, it’s fine their a little too far to disturb the peacefulness you’re currently in with Brittany. You both watch them play and swim at the creek when Brittany’s phone rings. You watch her check who it is, she lets out a sigh when she sees who it is and looks at you.  
“excuse me…” with apologetic eyes, she excuses herself and stands up to take the call and you just nod at her.  
You try so hard not to look at her while she’s on the phone and pretend that you don’t care who she’s talking to but you do have an idea who it is.  
“I said, I need some time…” you heard her faintly say while you still pretend to watch the four teenagers running and splashing water into each other. You don’t notice that she has finished talking, you just see her hands reach out for the wine and poured her glass that you see she has settled herself next to you.   
Maybe sensing that you’re a little quiet she pokes you at your side and said.  
“Can you tell me something about yourself?”  
You look at the sky. You forget how blue it is but what do you need the sky for when she’s with you.  
“I used to hide in my closet if there’s lightning when I was a kid” tell me, why are we doing this again?  
“I love Disney movies. I love it until now” Don’t ever ask me to watch it with you, I’d fall asleep the moment the movie starts.  
“Autumn is my favorite season” There’s something achingly beautiful about it. Like you.  
“I close my eyes when I see a falling star and make a wish” I don’t. I don’t believe in them but you make me wanna try.  
“I lost my virginity during Prom, he was the crowned king that night” I was the queen.  
“My first crush was a girl” You knew it!   
“I cried when myself to sleep when my father died” And I haven’t cried eversince.  
“I think you have the prettiest smile” No. You have.  
“I think I’m in love with you…” Silence. If you could punch yourself you would or why can’t the ground just swallow you right now with the way you’re pulling hard the grass on it.  
“San…” you hate that tone of voice. Definitely not the tone she used when she was about to come and she was crying out your name. why are even thinking about that right now.  
“I’m sorry..” you quickly stand up, walk to the trunk of the tree and leaned against it, looking out to the creek. You want to see if this tree is really hard and use your head to check it. Why did you have to say that.  
You feel the air is suddenly thick and there’s a light rush of warmth electricity on your back. You should have known it’s her. She’s behind you. Too close for your own comfort. You feel her hands slowly sliding from you waist to the front of your stomach. She holds you close to her, afraid you’ll move away again. Puffs of air on the back of your neck from her heavy breathing, she’s too his close. She kisses your neck. How can you stop this electricity, this is bad for your health. Only prisoners on death row should feel this.  
She tries to turn you to face her. Don’t look at her eyes, you know how tricky she is. Too late, you’re looking at each other now, her longing look sucking you in, reaching even to the depths of your soul.   
Don’t. Don’t kiss her, even if she’s licking her lips, switching her gaze between your eyes and your lips.  
You already put it out there cause your stupid. The next step should be from her now but you hurt knowing deep inside that she did not say it back.  
You’re still staring at each for about ten seconds now. She wants to kiss you, her eyes asking for a silent permission. Then there it is, you feel your drugs hitting your lips. Her weapon against you, slow and soft. Her silky tongue dipping inside your mouth, it taste like the wine she just had. Knees don’t give out now. Don’t you dare. Her hands on your cheeks and on your waist holding you properly in place for the assault. She pulls away looking at you with so much tenderness in her eyes. Didn’t you say she was tricky? So tricky. As if making up for not answering back at your confession. Carefully stroking you face, kissing your jaws, leaving a trail of kisses on your neck, sucking, her tongue tasting your skin. She’s now back to kissing your lips again. This time she holds you, backing you up against the tree, both of you hidden from the view to other group on the other side.  
“San…I…” She’s struggling. Staring at you, as if embracing you with her eyes  
“don’t. Don’t say anything you’re not ready for” You can’t hear her say it yet, if not wholeheartedly or so help you God, you will take her with you and never ever let her go.  
Deciding there’s nothing else she can say, she tries to sooth you the only way she can. She slams her lips on you again. Not Gentle this time but wet and forceful, like she’s afraid that you’ll slip away, holding you at the back of your head with her hands snaked at the back of your waist, holding you so close to her. You’re legs feel like Jell-o, good thing that she’s holding you up but when her hands goes up to your breast, slightly squeezing it, it took almost all your strength not to slide down to the ground.  
Was that your voice, moaning in pleasure. Yeah it was. She probably heard it too and took it as an encouragement cause she suddenly turned you around to face the tree while her hand is hugging you, her other hand still squeezing your breast from behind and Her lips on the back of your neck, kissing it. You tilt your head to the other side to give her proper access. Her hand that’s on holding your waist is now slowly sneaking inside the hem of your skirt.  
“Britt… it’s..” it’s broad daylight not to mention, where only hidden from behind this tree. It’s a big trunk of tree though but still.  
“shh.. please…” How do you fight that? What do you have against that? Tell me, what..? yeah, thought so.  
Your stomach is quivering from the anticipation of what’s she’s about to do. Then You feel her hands inside your underwear,now touching the most intimate part of your body.  
“Oh god…” shut up. You’re acting like you haven’t been touch like this before. Oh you have, numerous times but not this good. She’s slowly stroking your wet, sensitive bud, her other hand still on your breast, kneading it through your shirt and her mouth kissing your neck.  
This is too much. With all your strength, you try to hold yourself up, clinging to the trunk of the tree. You can feel the roughness of it, rubbing with your forehead and when you peek to the other side, you still see the group of teenagers drinking near the banks of the shore.  
You feel a coil at the pit of your stomach, a pressure building up from the continuous sensations her fingers circling your clit and when she entered you with one of her fingers, you forget to suppress the moan that escaped your lips.  
“uhhhh…” too good.  
“kiss me” she nudges your cheek with the tip of her nose and you tilt your head sideways to accommodate her request for a kiss. You don’t care that this position is a little difficult, all you think about is how her tongue is stroking yours. You fees strokes from everywhere. Her fingers, going in and out of you and her tongue circling inside your mouth. You’re enveloped with heat. Heat all over your body. Heat in the pit of your stomach that’s about to explode. She’s going faster with her fingers now, feeling your muscles already tightening around it. She sneaks her hand inside your shirt and under your bras, squeezing your breast, pinching with her thumb and index finger your nipples.  
“Britt.. im so close” you beg. She moves her fingers faster and deeper into you then you feel the release running through your body, you think you tasted a little blood on your lip from biting it too much. You let yourself go and you tip over the edge, exploding into an abyss of sensual gratification.  
You twitch when you feel her hands still rubbing you and you catch her wrist, telling her to stop. It’s too much. Your head is going to explode from the beating of your heart, blood rushing in the hollows of your ears.  
She slowly takes her hand out of your skirt. You still have your head leaning on the tree, trying to catch your breath. When you turn back, you see Brittany wiping her hands on the back of her pants but what caught your eye is her face, trying to stifle a laugh and with a smug look on her.  
So you’re quite proud of yourself that you were able to make me come, huh? We’ll it won’t be that easy next time. Ha! Did you just think that there’s going to be a next time?  
“what’s funny?” NO one laughs at me, don’t you know that? They’d be too afraid for their lives if they do.   
She pecks at your lips and just simply says “nothing…”


	13. Chapter 13

She’s much comfortable to be near you now. She was before but sometimes you notice how she would gauge your reaction if it’s okay with you and she holds back if you flinch from the touch but you see how she’s not tip toeing when it comes to that anymore.  
In the car on the way home from the picnic, she reached for your hair when it was covering your face when the wind blew it off, covering your face and tucked it behind your ear. When you catch her eye, she just smiles and goes back to driving. She stops on the front of your apartment and thanks you for the day.  
“and San uhmm.. you’re welcome too” with a teasing smile on  
“welcome for what?” she gave you that smile again, you understood she’s teasing you, with what happened behind the tree. If trees could talk.  
Did I ask you for that mind blowing orgasm. No.  
“Shut up” hey mouth, stop smiling. Traitor.  
When you reach your door and finished unlocking it, you suddenly thought of…. Fast, you can still catch her.  
“Hey Britt” you raise your hand to her but there’s something in it. Her eyes questioning and her eyebrows wrinkled.  
“You can hold it for a while the next time you can’t sleep” when you drop the thing to her hands, she realizes it’s the key to your apartment.  
“Just in case…” Now you suddenly feel shy, with her just standing there, a little shock and touch with this gesture. It’s not a big thing really , it’s only so you wouldn’t have to get up when she comes in the middle of the night.  
“Thanks San” she tells you, clearly appreciating this.  
Xxxxxxxxx  
You’re eyes hurt from staring at your laptop for hours. You just finished another chapter and you decide to call it a night and finish the rest tomorrow, you slowly place the laptop on the bedside table. You stretch your arms and feet feeling so tight with your muscles from staying in one position for hours. You’re glad that you already feel sleepy and not have to wait for it to come, lying awake staring at the ceiling for hours. It’s cold tonight so you cover yourself up with the blanket.  
Now resting more on your pillow, slowly drifting off, you see a silhouette figure, slowly walking up to your room, if you haven’t secretly memorized Brittany’s curves you would think that there’s an intruder in your house. You don’t move from your position, your left cheek leaning comfortably on the pillows, facing the door then you say quietly to the approaching figure.  
“You know you’re bound to give me heart attack one of these days, always sneaking up on me like that”  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t knock but I thought that was what those keys are for?”  
She’s standing on the doorframe with her head leaning on it. You can make out her features from the faint light coming outside that she’s smiling.  
“What is it this time? Bugs under your bed?” she paused for a short second of silence, thinking of the right words to tell you.  
“It’s just more comfortable here….”  
You don’t say anything anymore. You lift the blanket up, showing her it’s okay to get in the nshe settles to her side. Her scent never fails to awaken the butterflies inside your stomach. You’re not sure if that saying is even true cause you feel like the ones inside your stomach are not butterflies but dragonflies. The way it’s buzzing intensively all over your insides not fluttering like butterflies do. You can’t take it, yes you’ve touched each other intimately twice but you’re still not on that level of understanding with Brittany on where exactly or what kind of relationship you two have that’s why you can’t just give her affections (although she has no problems on giving you one whenever she feels like) thinking how can you get used to it, lowering all your walls down then having it all end up in nothing cause the truth is, you don’t really know where you stand with her although you seem to forget this all the time but right at this moment it bugs you how it’s especially difficult to have her here beside you, filling your senses in everything that’s Brittany.  
You don’t know what you would do if this will turn out bad, leaving you all open and vulnerable. You decide to turn your back to her thinking it’s better to sleep on this side, not facing her so you won’t be too exposed from your hostage taker. But as soon as you finally regained breathing cause you’re not facing the person responsible for stealing your breath away, her hands slowly slides to your waist, stopping on your stomach, trying to hug you from behind.  
No.  
“Britt, you can’t…” you swallow the lump you didn’t know was forming in your throat  
“you can’t always touch me like this Britt. Knowing how I feel towards you” you take a hold of her wrist, stopping her.  
You feel her forehead dropped to your back then she exhaled heavily  
“please…” No.   
But you feel your hand slowly loosing it’s grip from her wrist. What a traitor. Hand don’t or I swear to God, I’ll cut you.  
“I just want to hold you..”  
You sigh, defeated. Why don’t you just Take everything. My body clearly answers to you now. Take my skin too, why don’t you.  
From her wrist, you slowly pulled her hands tucking it to your chest. To add more to your already trembling nerves, you feel her lips, your drug, touch your shoulder.  
“San, I care about you… more than you’ll ever know” So, show it. Leave Dan.  
But I guess you also care for him. You hate how your stomach feels with that thought.  
“And lately you’re all I ever think about but…” of course there’s always a but, this wouldn’t be your life if there’s no buts “I have to be sure….” Yeah you do that.  
“I understand..” I understand how you’re still not mine. That’s what I understand.  
“But do you understand, how I want to do this to you all the time…” and of course, you her willing victim, gives in when she tilts your head to her with her hands then you feel her lips on your mouth, shy tongue immediately plunging inside as if missing the contours of your mouth.  
I hate you for understanding too, that I can’t say no to this. To you.  
Xxxxxxxxx  
What’s that feathery touch running on your face. You wrinkle your nose when there’s a line being drawn from your forehead to the tip of your nose. You slowly peel your eyes open when you heard the faint giggle, and there, you see with sunlight coming from outside shining on her golden hair, wearing a smile that you’re sure could only compare to angels. If she didn’t tip your nose once again, you would probably think that this was all a dream. With all the things you’ve done before, not caring for any other human being’s feelings except yourself (and your mom), you don’t think you deserve to wake up to this. For a strange reason the heaviness of last nights events is quite the opposite of what you feel this morning. Maybe you woke up at the right side of the bed and yes this is the right side, any side as long as it’s beside her.  
“good morning…” ah that music, like music to your ear.  
“hmmmm..” you insert your hands under your pillow and snuggled into it more but you’re still facing each other, her mirroring your actions.  
“you’re so beautiful…”No you are. Tingles stop, it’s too early for you to come out.  
She reached out to tuck a hair that fell to your face behind your ear  
“how long have you been awake?” you hold her hand and placed it in between your bodies.  
“sometime now.. I’ve been watching you sleep” Mouth stop smiling.  
“creepy” you watch her when you think she’s not looking so that makes you even  
“I love the sound of birds chirping in the morning” like how I love your voice this early in the morning?  
Noticing how it’s raining a little outside you say.  
“I love the smell of wet grass when it’s rains” mixed with dirt, it’s like you could smell the soil breathing  
“I like watching kids play in the park. I could do it for hours”  
“ I used to watch you on your living room thru my window” stop blushing, the pink taint is creeping even to your ears.  
“I like it when you watch me when you think I’m not looking” don’t look at me that way right now if you don’t expect to be kissed.  
“San… I’m really thinking about this thing between us.. I don’t want to hurt you so I have to be free of any strings----“ enough talking, its too early.  
You take her into your arms and kissed her thoroughly. For you, it’s like you have reached a progress, that you’re heading into the right direction. Where is that direction? You don’t wanna talk about that now. For now, you’ll take this and you’re okay with this. For now.  
You lean on her so she’s lying on her back and you’re on top of her with your hand holding her face while giving her the kiss you so wanted to give her ever since you woke up. You dip your tongue inside her mouth and move your hands to her sides, gripping the exposed skin on her waist. Ugh if you could only mold both your bodies into one, you just can’t get enough of her. the familiar warmth you so desperately seek now creeps from her body to yours stopping into your center already leaving a pool of wetness.  
You sneak your hand under her shirt immediately coming into contact with her breast and covering it with your hands, you become more aroused at the thought that she’s not wearing any bras. You transfer your kissed to her jaws and neck then you swiftly sit her up to remove her shirt and before lying back down, she quickly remove yours too, throwing on the floor. Your actions are rushed but when you both noticed how the other is naked you both marvel on each other’s current state.  
You’re now kneeling infront of her and she’s sitting up with your breast right in her face. She hugs your waist and squeezed your breast with her free hand, kissing your chest and neck. You moan from too much pleasure when you feel her wet mouth covering your breast and sucking on your nipple. A minute of that and you can’t take it anymore so you push her to lie on her back and also placed a few kisses to her chest before you fully give your attention to her boobs, spending the right amount of time to each mounds, Flicking your tongue and making her pink nipples erect while squeezing the other one. You hear her gasp and she pulled you back, asking for a kiss while her hands are roaming at your back, ending it on your ass giving it a firm grasp.  
You try to slow down the kiss, the movements of each tongue slowly getting to know each other more. You cherish the feeling of how perfect it is to be kissing her, like you’ve been kissing each other all your life, like you were meant to be kissed only by her. You kissed each other more, painstakingly slow and sweet, then you pulled away, held her face in your hand and stared into her eyes, instead of fighting it, you allow yourself to be sucked and get lost into the beauty of it while the back of her hands is running on the side of your cheeks. You kissed her once again, slowly then fast. Next You travel your kisses downwards, concentrating on every part of her body that you get acquainted with, praising it the best way you know how. After her breasts, you slowly move downwards into her waist, sucking at the side of her navel, leaving a mark, branding her, you just hope she doesn’t get pissed off with you leaving that. You continue bringing the kisses downwards and tug the waistband of her pajamas with your teeth. You peek your eyes up to her, she’s leaning on her elbows, swallowing then sucking her lower lip, anticipating what you’re about to do.  
You remove her pajamas and her underwear without taking your eyes off of her then you run kisses to her feet going up to her knees, her still watching you breathing heavily.  
When you reach the outside of her thighs, you see her hold her breath, her lips and stomach muscles quivering.  
Then you have your first taste. You run your tongue on her folds and she collapses back to the bed, biting the back of her wrist. You position yourself well in between her legs and placed both her legs on both sides of your shoulders. You move your tongue on her again and you’re sure, you’ve found your new drug. You circle your tongue into her clit and she buckles her center into your face, wanting more of what you’re doing to her, her stomach convulsing and you feel like you almost came at the sight of her biting the back of her hands from too much pleasure.   
You plunged your tongue into her more, going back and forth and you stretch both your arms under her legs and placed it on to her stomach to hold it down with your palm to keep it trembling too much. Her wetness is just so sweet, her muscles massaging around your tongue while you go in and out of her. you reach out one of your hands to cover her breast and knead it, pinching her nipples with your fingers. Meanwhile not stopping with your tongue running circles all over her slick folds.  
“San.. uhhh.. please” she cries out to you  
“tell me what you want”  
You go back to licking her clit once again but this time you put one finger inside of her and she arches her body into you, loving the new addition pleasuring her body.  
“soo good…” she utters a whimper “you’re soo good San..”  
“ahhh, don’t stop. Don’t stop. Right theeere” you plunge your finger in and out of her while your mouth is busy sucking her clit. After a few pumps you feel her muscles contract around your fingers  
“uhhh im almost…” she didn’t get to finish, it was replaced by a moan cause you added one more finger inside of her. You see on of her hand covering her mouth, stopping herself from shouting.  
Her muscles are tightening around your fingers, two more push and circles of your tongue and she comes over the edge, her legs shaking, trapping your head between it. She falls limply into the bed and you just marvel at how amazing she looks right after her orgasm. Her eyes glittering, with her hair tousled all over the bed and sweat sparkling between the valley of her breast.  
You slowly remove your fingers inside her and you hear her gasp. You bring your fingers into your mouth, savoring all her juices not wanting to waste her sweet nectar then you give her folds one last sweep of your tongue and kiss her very swollen clit and you feel her twitch.  
She stretched her arms to you and say  
“come here…” she kissed you hungrily, rolling her tongue all over the inside of your mouth, tasting herself in you. after a minute of kissing, you pull away from her cause you just want to gaze into her eyes. Add that to the list of favorite things you do involving her. She’s looking straight into your eyes, tired but glowing from the aftermath of your lovemaking to her.  
“I have no words for that San…” she said clearly spent  
“because I’m that good.” You tease her  
“that you are” she smile  
You just smiled at her too pleased, knowing you’re the reason for her, feeling good.  
“Rest..I’l make us breakfast” you peck on her nose. You were taken by surprise though when she pushed you to your back and she’s leaning on top of you now  
“But I’m not finished with you yet..” she says in her most seductive voice, wriggling her eyebrows at you. You were about to answer that when you already feel her hands slowly running in between your legs, separating your very wet folds, thrusting her fingers inside of you.  
“uhhhh..”  
“It’s your turn..” she says before kissing you again.


	14. Chapter 14

After that second round, Brittany suggested that you both clean up but then it ended up to doing another round in the shower. Brittany sure has a lot of stamina, you’re amaze how someone who looks so sweet and innocent can be such a wanton seductress in bed and she’s not shy to ask and get what she wants, and who are you to deny whatever she asks really. One look at her and you’re basically salivating with how gorgeous she is, in and out.  
You have to go dress up at the other room cause you’re not sure if you can both resist each other if you see her with just a towel on youre sure you would end up once again doing it, you’re totally fine with that but you have a deadline to catch up, needing to pass a few chapters to Rachel.  
A couple days has passed and today everything’s going slow, you’re writing non-stop, you feel like you can go on and on cause maybe you’re a little inspired. Just maybe. You’re occupied on this particular chapter when Brittany places a cup of coffee on the side of your desk and smiles at you that sends warmth and tingles all over your body. You’ve just been apart for several hours but you hate to admit that you kinda miss her. You never expected that you have this clingy side within you, you just need to hide it very well cause she’s not even your girlfriend yet. Yes yet, you feel good that you’re going into that direction. You sure do things like girlfriends would do but you want to call her officially yours too.  
She placed her hands on your shoulders and bends, her arms circling in front of you and she whispers in your ears.  
“watchu writin….?” Her breath hot on your ears  
“just a bunch of crap” you immediately close your laptop. Afraid she’ll see the name of your character.  
She peeks behind your face “can I read it?” then she slowly massages your shoulder. Aaah That feels so good. Didn’t you say she was tricky.  
“No.” you think you can’t handle her yet reading what you’ve written.  
She walks from behind you and sits sideways on your lap.  
“Pleasseeee…” batting her eyelashes. aargh the weapons that she uses on you.  
“it’s not finish” your hands circling on her waist to keep her from falling.  
She changes her position and is now straddling you and she says before starting to kiss the line on your jaw.  
“Just one paragraph..?” she murmurs while kissing your neck. You turn your head sideways to give her better access but still trying so hard to keep up the pretense.  
“Britt, im busy..” you stretch your hands below her arms that’s on your shoulder and opened your computer again, pretending to continue to type.  
She kisses the other side of your neck and is now nibbling on your ear when she slowly pokes her tongue inside it, you bolt up a little making her lean backwards on the table and now she’s laughing at you.  
“you’re so ticklish” yeah and you didn’t know that you could be before her.   
“you’re cute but don’t you dare laugh at me!” that doesn’t stop her though. You hold her thighs, squeezed it while gritting your teeth and then you sigh at her  
You’re about to play this teasing game with her when your laptop suddenly rings. It’s Rachel calling, you forgot you’re scheduled to have a conference call meeting with her and a few people at your publishing company about some technicalities on the book.  
You quickly move causing Brittany to slightly fall on your lap.  
“I’m sorry, this is very important”  
“yeah take it” she says but as soon as you answer the call, she slides under the table and not off of you. You give her an eye as if asking ‘what the hell are you doing?’ but she just gives you a playful smile.  
“How are you Miss Lopez?” you try to forget that Brittany is under the table in between your legs.  
“uhm fine, I’m fine” you try to answer with a straight face and glare at Brittany who’s still smirking and then mouths at you ‘don’t mind me, just do what you have to do’ the hell how does she think you can do that?   
But immediately you try your hardest to concentrate on the people on your webcam.  
“So how’s the book coming up?” that’s from your publisher.  
“oh good. Good.” You sound like an idiot. “It’s taking shape now, I’ll send you the drafts after this” Then you feel Brittany’s hand on your knees, slowly crawling up your thighs.   
Oh god, you can’t believe she’s actually doing this.  
“okay we’ll discuss what needs to be changed and parts that should be edited” that’s from Rachel. You hear them talking about some policies but you don’t understand any of it anymore cause Brittany’s fingers are slowly sliding up to your underwear, feeling up your soaking center, running her thumb on your very wet folds over and over again.  
You don’t know how long of the talk in your meeting you’ve missed cause all you’re seeing and feeling are sparks from the high pleasures Brittany is bringing you.  
“Santana..Santana?!” it’s Rachel.  
“uh yeah.. yes?” you gulped and couldn’t help but cough out at how hoarse your voice sounds.  
“are you okay? Are you not feeling well?”  
“yeah.. ahh.. Im fine, just a little under the weather” you try to fake a smile and hold a moan to escape your lips because Brittany’s finger is circling your clit ,teasing with each movements, antagonizing and torturously slow and just So fucking delicious. Your senses are all over the place and she’s bringing you up, carrying you with her to the peak.  
But when she opens your legs wider, you almost fall off the chair.  
“Santana, are you fine with those dates?”  
“yes. Sure.” Brittany is now pulling your underwear to the side try to expose your center more and she’s carefully positioning her head just inches away from it. Oh my god the things this woman do to you. Is this really happening? You also can’t help but ask God, does her really think your life was that uneventful and boring before? For choosing you to fall in love to not just an ordinary girl with no complications and whose not crazy enough to go down on you while you’re having a meeting.   
You almost die when you feel her tongue grace yours, sliding over it and then moves it in a circular motion. Tasting your wetness ,running over it hungrily over and over again.  
You don’t know what’s happening anymore, you just see thru the webcam that Rachel is passing some papers and they’re all going over it.  
“I will just email to you a copy of this” Rachel tells you but eyes you strangely and you just nod at her, your hands hurting from gripping your chair too hard. Brittany’s finger goes inside you and her tongue still sucking your clit. You feel like you’re brain is going to explode from too much ecstasy and from holding yourself, not wanting to look anymore foolish than you already do in front of your editor and publisher. You feel the pressure build from the pit of your stomach and you buckle into Brittany’s mouth when she hits your spot with her finger, the spot where you feel like you’ve dip your head into heaven every time it is touched and when she added another finger into you, you’re sure you’re going to loose it already.  
“Ms. Lopez are you alright? Why are you shaking?”  
“I… I.. have a slight fever. I’m so sorry” you’re so close to coming cause Brittany’s fingers and mouth are just too good that you couldn’t keep yourself from not holding her head to let her know to just keep the same pace going and not to stop.  
“Im coming…!!” you said in a trembling voice. Oh my god.  
“No. You don’t have to” Rachel says “Just make sure to send me everything that I asked you to” then you feel the sweet release slowly washing over you, spreading from your toes to the tips of your hair that has built up from your center and now is bursting thru the rest of your body. You’re panting and trying to catch your breath and when she pulls her fingers out you almost yelp at the loss of contact.  
After that, you see Brittany in between your legs, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, giving you a sly smile.  
“okay that’s all for now Santana, you should go get some rest, you poor thing”  
“yeah, thanks Rach, I’ll call you later” when you’re about to turn off the call, Brittany slides out of the table but you quickly grab her hands when she’s about to get away.  
“oh no! you’re not! Do you think after doing that, you can just get away?!” she squealed and gets out from your grip and ran away from you as far as she could.  
“I’m going to get you for that Brittany!!!!” you shout and scrambled after her. This girl will surely be the death of you.  
That testament was surely brought to test when after a few days when you are spending a quiet night with her.   
You don’t know how she talked you in to watching the little mermaid cause you swore to yourself that you draw the line with watching cartoon films, cause for you it’s just a pointless story and all make belief but when you saw that pout of hers, all your reasons flew out of the window.   
So here you are with a pillow propped up on the back of the bed, leaning into it with Brittany in between your legs with her back on your chest. She’s eating popcorn while chuckling at what the crab just said. She’s too adorable for words, watching her always brings a smile to your face and couldn’t help but sigh at her cuteness.  
You’re not really paying that much attention on the movie cause you’re also busy surfing the net on your tablet while balancing it on your knee while your other hand is on Brittany’s stomach, scratching on the exposed skin there.  
“Britt that tickles” you say when she doesn’t stop with her hands caressing the top of your knee. She looks up at you and pulled your head down to her mouth. You gave her a chaste kiss and when you pull your head back to continue reading this article she whispers “more…” pucking out her lips, not getting enough of what you just gave her. Do you say no? of course not. You give her one of your kisses that always leaves her breathless then she moans “mmmm…” into your mouth and gives you one last peck before she goes back to watching the film again, grabbing a handful of popcorn munching on them one by one.  
After a while when you think the movie is about to finish, you placed the tablet on the side table and eyed Brittany who has her full concentration on the film.   
You nuzzle into her neck and gave it a few kisses before turning it into a wet one, running your tongue slightly on it while your hand that is on her stomach sneaks into her shirt.  
“San… you have to watch, this is the good part” you don’t listen to her of course and continued, but you’re now giving attention to her neck, sucking on it a little and inhaling how good Brittany smells on that spot.  
Your plan of seduction was brought to a stop when all of a sudden you hear someone shouting outside  
“BRITTANNNNY!!!”  
Brittany quickly shoots up, now sitting straight, the movie completely forgotten.  
“its Dan” she says while slowly standing up, her eyes becoming bigger trying to listen more to the voice coming from outside.  
“BRITAAANYYY!!! TALK TO ME!!!”  
She’s now moving to the door when you caught her hand. Was she just about to leave without saying anything to you?  
You see the panic in her eyes. Confusion and worry completely etched on her face  
“I have to talk to him..” she tells you asking with her eyes for your understanding.  
“Britt just tell him to go home” you tell her, upset how he could just ruin your time with Brittany  
“Brittany, come out!!!” he sounds like he’s crying now.  
“I have to go” then she’s out of your apartment and you feel your gut being crushed inside of you.  
You resist the tears that are welling up at the base of your eyes. Only now that you’re face with the truth that Dan still has a hold on her.  
You slowly walk to your front window and peeked thru the curtains, you see Brittany getting angry at him and you can hear their voices because it’s very quiet outside.  
“are you drunk?”  
“Please Britt talk to me…” he reaches out but Brittany steps backwards away from his reach. You just watch if in case he hurts Brittany or what, you swear to God you’d beat the shit out of him. You don’t think of interrupting them though because you need to see Brittany handle this on her own and put a closure to this herself. As much as it pains you to see that she’s there outside with him, she needs to decide what she really wants in her life.  
“I said I’ll talk to you when I’m ready Dan..”  
“I’ve given you plenty of time already, I miss you so much. Please Britt…”  
“I don’t know if I still want this”  
You see Dan now, kneeling in front of her and she’s looking at him with a painful look in her eyes. Brittany has a soft heart and could easily pity someone you just hope for your sake that she can be hard for this.  
“Don’t say that. We’ve been thru so much. I’ll do anything for you” you see Brittany turn her face to your apartment. Good thing all the lights are off so she can’t see you standing here.   
Now you see Dan hugging her legs, begging.  
Be strong Britt. Fight. Fight for us but then you can’t help but ask yourself was there ever an us? The unknown answer made you feel nauseous and You can’t breathe, you feel like you’re going to faint with this pain in your chest.  
“I beg you. don’t leave me” then he stands up and asks for her hands.  
“Please come with. I want to show you something. I want you to see what I did for you” she has her arms crossed in front of her, contemplating if she should take Dan’s hands  
“Britt just give me this chance, just come with me please…..” you hold your breath waiting to see what Brittany would do. You hold your breath like your holding on for dear life, waiting if she would take Dan’s outreached hands into hers too.


	15. Chapter 15

“Britt just give me this chance, just come with me please…..” you hold your breath waiting to see what Brittany would do. You hold your breath like your holding on for dear life, waiting if she would take Dan’s outreached hands into hers too.  
And there you see… something break in her features, like he’s giving him a chance, to see, to explain and when she took his hand that’s when you feel that something inside of you broke too. You don’t know what but you’ve never felt this pain before, you feel like you’re falling, head first and nobody’s there to catch you. When you feel this immense pain in your chest running to your arms, leaving you numb all over, that’s when you understood it is your heart breaking inside of you.  
Xxxxxx  
The next day, you woke up with a massive headache and your body aches all over. You woke up curled up on the couch with dried tears on the side of your eyes. You don’t remember how you got there last night, you feel like there’s a cement blanketing around your head and it feels so heavy, you feel like the base of your skull is going to break. Add that to the several things breaking inside you.  
You spend most of the day like that, nursing your invisible scars and you don’t see Brittany the whole day, aside from that you don’t notice much anything else ‘cause you feel like you’re not the one in control of your will-less body. The whole time, you feel like there’s a dark cloud hanging above your head.  
You don’t bother turning on the lights the whole day and you don’t care much with it either. Well what the outside looks on you and everything around you only reflects what your inside are feeling. You don’t even bother showering, much less combing your hair the whole day. You’re just lying there, curled up and wallowing in your sadness. You supposed you should have known all along that this would happen, you met her when she was already in that situation, and you’re the fool who chose to fall in love with her with full the knowledge on what she is, she never did really promise you anything but still you dove right into it head first. Yeah you’ve never met anyone like her and god she’s so easy to love really but still you should have the read the signs early on. But what signs, when she’s so fucking lovable. the only signs you saw was when she runs her hands all over your body, looking into your eyes so tenderly, like you’re the most beautiful thing in this world, that sign? When she always make sure that you’ve already eaten and asks every 3 hours if you need coffee or just anything. That signs? All that signs just points at that maybe she does feel something for you too, right? But she’s not here with you right now, she’s with Dan, how about that sign? Despite all those things she has done for you, she never did really say that she wants to be yours, you were the only fool who assumed it.  
After hours of feeling heartbroken and pitying yourself, you have now reached the point where you’re angry at Brittany for being all of that to you. You feel like she just used you, maybe because you’re there and she has nothing to do while she was trying to figure out her issues with Dan and not to mention how very easy you were. You’ve never found yourself in this kind of situation before, oh yeah also because you’ve never been this stupid before.   
Why should you feel this way, you are Santana Lopez, you’re the one who drives people away. No one can do this to you. For the next hours, you think of all these reasons. Maybe you’re being unreasonable and completely irrational but this is the only way you know how to protect yourself, to put those defensive walls back up again. You resort to all of this because if you let one thought of hope that maybe Brittany did feel something for you, even the tiniest bit, you’d go back to curling on your couch again and you can’t do that.  
Xxxxxx  
You hear your stomach grumbling, maybe that’s a good sign cause your body is beginning to feel something again, your wall is back up, everything is slowly getting back in order inside your system again.  
You glance up to your clock and see that it’s already midnight and still no sign of Brittany. You wince at the mere mention of her name. You’re not doing this anymore and you’re back to being angry and bitter again.   
You thought of the only thing that will help you cover up this crack you feel that’s been gnawing at you ever since your sun left and went with that D-bag.  
After 30mins you’re now dressed in your skimpiest outfit, you head out and drive to the bar where Marley took you before. The bar is packed, you immediately head to the bar and order the most deadly drink they can offer and started drowning yourself with it.  
After sometime, you’re already drunk as hell. All you know at this time is how much you like this feeling, how you feel like you can do anything unlike a few hours ago where you were just slumped in your living and sobbing, now its as if all the hurt has magically disappeared.   
You feel so care-free that you even gave two dances to two different guys. What? They were not bad to look at and they kept on flirting with you so you thought what the hell.  
At the bar, while you were ordering your hundredth drink when you spot a blonde woman at the pool table, you’re heart jumped to your rib cage making you sweat and a cold feeling runs to your back but when the blonde woman turns around you see that it was not your blonde all along. FUCK this! You took a deep breath and swallowed your drink without even wincing at how strong the alcohol is then you ordered another one of those kinds again. Liver, you’ll just have to bear with me on this one.  
You don’t notice a certain someone sliding up to the stool next to yours.  
“well, well it’s a surprise to see you here” when you look up, you see Marley smiling at you, clearly happy to see you that you’re here.  
“hey Marley” But you tipped off a little into her, loosing you balance But she catches you on the shoulder then helps you back on the stool properly.  
“woah, easy there” she says while laughing.  
“one more please…” you tell the bartender then you smile back to Marley with an intoxicated look on your face  
“are you sure you can still take it?” she places her hands on your shoulder, looking intently on your face, very amused with your current state.  
“you clearly have to spend time with me, to know that I don’t get hammered easily” you say and then throwing a wink at her.  
“oh yeah? You think I could do that spending time with you now?”  
“we could do much more than that if you like?” is that the alcohol talking inside of you?  
She doesn’t reply and just laughs at you. You buy Marley a few drinks and spend time talking and flirting with her at the bar, noticing she’s a little drunk herself too and after awhile you ask her to dance with you.  
“I don’t think I wanna dance with you if you’re drunk already. are you sure you can still perform?” she’s smiling and teasing you. oh so she wants to play this game? Ok.  
“you forget that I’m a woman, my ability to perform never gets affected by alcohol” are you sure you’re still talking about dancing here?  
You pulled her to the dance floor, placed your hands on her shoulders and she placed her hands on your waist and you’re both getting a little touchy with each other now. Everyone whose looking at the both of you would clearly see that this is far from a friendly dance already. How both your hands are all over each other, staring into each other’s eyes while grinding your body into her.   
You love the uncomplicatedness of this moment, just letting the alcohol carry you and not anymore if you’re into Marley or not. Of course she’s super hot and she’s clearly into you too but this body you’re feeling up now is not the piece of the puzzle that you’ve been missing since yesterday, leaving you in a daze and chaos. At least now when you’re drunk, you don’t have to feel the responsibility of controlling your actions, you’ll just leave it to the alcohol swimming thru your veins to walk you through everything tonight.  
You run your hands on Marley’s side, all the way under her ribcage and you feel her breath hitch, she stared at you too hard and you see the hunger in her eyes. Without any inhibitions, you both dashed off the dance floor, you leading her all the way to your car. You push her inside the backseat and before you know it, you are all over each other, making out and dry humping each other at the back of your car.   
In the hurriedness of the situation, you already found your hands inside her blouse, kneading her breast and Marley’s hands are slowly sneaking inside your jeans and despite the tightness of it but she found her way to your center, immediately rubbing into your clit, and both heavily breathing into each others mouth.  
It was all in a haze though considering how drunk you both are. You don’t even remember all of it, just bits and pieces. Like how you both stumble into the floor of your car for being so clumsy and drunk, having a hard time keeping your balance into that small space but you just roll off and both laugh your asses off and jump back at each other again but somewhere in the middle of it, you decide to take this elsewhere when you see some dudes hanging out and talking at the parking lot.  
You don’t know how you manage to drive your car back with how heavily intoxicated you are but you did get home safely. You don’t even give a second glance at the apartment next to yours because you were that out of it already and before all of it you have already placed an invisible veil on you, on everything that would remind you of Brittany.   
The last thing you remember that was seeing Marley’s head in between your legs before you completely passed out.  
Xxxxxx  
You woke up the next day to the sun shining on your face and when you open your eyes it hurt like a bitch, like there’s a small daggers poking into it. You grunt, complaining to yourself at the brightness that you don’t notice at once that there’s someone else who’s back is turned against you lying naked beside you in bed and when you do see her, you flinch and curse at yourself.  
So last night with Marley did happen. You feel a pang of guilt but immediately pushed it at the far side of your mind and keep it locked down, replacing it with the only emotion you’ve been keeping around for so long to survive. Why would you feel guilty about this? You’re not anybody’s girlfriend and definitely no one owns you. Even though you don’t remember much about what happened last night or if you even enjoyed it. You’re so used to this feeling though, this is how you lived the most parts of your life, going through countless of meaningless hook-ups and drowning yourself in booze was what your idea of how to have fun. Only recently that you’ve been let to feel how it is to feel for someone else. Brittany is something else, something so good that your own body even rebels against you just to get it. All your insides aches for that feeling that you have when you’re with her. It constantly craves everything that is Brittany. Stop. Don’t. don’t go back to thinking about her, she’s not here, she went with him, she did not go back to be with you the other night. She’s not the one lying on your bed right now. She did not even bother to show herself the whole day yesterday, no explanations. You don’t even want to think about what she’s doing with Dan right now. Does he touches her the same way you do, like she’s the most delicate thing in this world. But then you catch yourself, you can’t start doing this again cause your stomach will start to whirl and you will end up feeling like you’re going to vomit every time you think of all these things.  
You’re awaken from your thoughts when Marley changes her position. You begin to panic, you can’t be caught in bed with her when she wakes up cause you don’t do sleep overs. It will be all sorts of awkward and you want to avoid that.  
You slowly lift the sheets off of you got out of bed and tip toe your way to the bathroom. You think twice of waking her up but you don’t really want to be naked while doing that and what are you going to tell her? are you going to tell her to get dress and move herself out of your apartment? You can’t do that, you’re not that rude.   
You forego that decision and just decided to take a shower and maybe get out of the house and have brunch at the diner so maybe by the time you get back, she won’t be here anymore.  
Unbeknownst to your knowledge while you were taking a shower, there was a knock on your door but you definitely didn’t hear it and the next one that came with it. You also don’t know that the knock woke Marley up and picked your nearest sweatshirt to wear in opening the door. By that time you’re already out of the shower and hurriedly dressed up into a shirt and a skinny jeans but when you slowly went out, you see the bed completely unoccupied. You immediately went out of the room and what you saw made your stomach dropped down to the floor and something twist so painfully inside of you when you see Marley at the front door wide open, revealing a very pale Brittany outside of your porch, her eyes switching between you and Marley with a mouth wide open.  
“it’s Brittany” Marley simply says but when she looks at between you and Brittany’s reaction, she immediately catches and sensed the heavy tension in the air.  
“uhmm.. I’m late for work. I’ll just go dressed and I’ll be on my way” she says as she passes by you on the way to get her clothes. When you look back to your porch, Brittany’s not there anymore.  
You remember the hurt so evident on her face. You somehow feel a little better for that because of what she did but you also feel like the worst person in world. Like you were just kicked on the guts for causing that to her. You cannot really take just to see even a tiny frown on her but you have to be strong, you tell yourself. She left. She went with Dan. You remind yourself once again like countless of time.  
Marley just muttered a small ‘I have to go, thanks’ and smiled at you before she left and you just nod at her and also manage to let out a small smile.  
When you’ve composed yourself, you decided to continue your original plan on going into town. You can’t be here so you gathered your purse and keys and was out of the door in a second.   
You halt to stop when you turned and saw Brittany standing there on the side of your apartment. She looks so tired and a pink circle is on the outer lining of her eyes, like she has been crying. Your breath stops cause even though she looks like this, she’s still so undenyingly beautiful when you roam your eyes at her, terribly missing her presence but immediately you put a stop to that thought. You hate how she looks so small, unsure of herself. She wants to say something and you just wait and watch her even though all you really want to do is snatch her in to your arms, shout at her for leaving and then kiss her until you both can’t breathe.  
“are you going somewhere?” she looks like she’s struggling, fighting a battle with herself and you just want to make it easy for her. Hold her face and run your hands at the back of her face.  
But you don’t and You just nod at her. she looks so lost with your answer and how you’re not really giving her an opening to have this talk with you, she’s looking at you ,searching for the right words to say.  
When silence drags between you two, you finally tell her.  
“what do you want Brittany” you say, with a lack of interest on your tone but totally different from what you really feel.  
This thing with Brittany is really like pointing two way sword on your enemy, you can’t just dismiss her or say something hurtful cause it hurts you more and the intensity of it, you feel ten more times.  
“San..” she pleads but you don’t know what she’s pleading for  
“don’t San me!” you snap at her, she can’t use that tone at you, where it can chip off the walls that you work so hard on building again. she can’t use that sweet voice that melts everything inside of you  
“will you let me explain…?”  
“NO Britt! You left. You just left without saying anything” tears, don’t you dare come out!  
“I had to San… I had to finish---“  
She wasn’t able to continue cause you already cut her off  
“I don’t care what you had to do with him” you know you’re being unreasonable right now and you probably should listen to her explanation but you’re angry and you want her to know that.  
“don’t say that..” she sobs and you feel like you were pierced straight to the heart  
“I can say whatever I want to say”  
“and you can be with Marley or whoever you want to is that it?!” looking straight at you, jealousy clearly splashed all over her face with tears falling from her eyes.  
“don’t you dare. Don’t you dare bring that up. You have no right when you’re the one who’s still with Dan who by the way is married” you tell her raising your hands on the air and letting it fall again, you can’t believe you’re tangled in this messed up situation  
“he’s not” she says quietly, you did not almost hear it.  
“what?!”  
“he’s not married anymore, he brought me to his new house letting me see what he’s done with it for me”  
You can’t believe you’re still listening to this. She’s just clearly here to finish this whole thing with you  
“the whole thing that happened to us, did it even mean anything to you at all?” you hate the sound of desperation in your voice.  
She reached out but you signed a ‘don’t touch me’ wave at her  
“San… it meant the whole world to me. If you will just hear me out. I went to Dan to---“   
you don’t want to have this conversation anymore, you can’t take the hurt that twisting your insides  
“stop. I don’t need to hear anything that you have to say anymore” you have to leave  
“I know you’re angry but—“ you see her take a step before continuing what she has to say but you can’t be within her reach.  
“no. you cant hurt me anymore than what you have done. This whole thing with us shouldn’t have happened” she looks like you just kicked her in the stomach and something just died inside of her. Her face tells you that she can’t believe you just said that and that’s when you can’t watch her anymore, seeing her so broken down all you wanna do is take her into your arms and beg her to choose you. you can give her anything she wants, you will give her anything within your power. Just be with me, that’s all what you wanna say while looking at her now. Why is she acting like this anyway, like she doesn’t want to let you go? She has her happily ever after Dan already. isn’t that what she wanted all along?  
“ I have to go” you walk pass her but she calls out to you one last time, eyes begging  
“San please…”  
“go Back to Dan Britt…” then you walk to your car and quickly sped away.  
Xxxxxxx  
This is the 6th night that you’re in this bar and you know the bartender already. It’s 1am and theres not a lot of people anymore just a few couple dancing on the dance floor.  
“I think you’ve had enough” johnny the bartender tells you. he has become your friend already, listening to your sob stories about a certain gorgeous blonde with amazing legs.  
“just give me a drink johnny” he sighs and just left you with the drink that you ordered  
You’ve been going home drunk almost every night, it’s the only way you can go through the night without going over to the next apartment and tell Brittany how she could do this to you.  
The 3rd night that you went home, you stumble on your front lawn and landed on your knees to the ground. A soft hand suddenly holds your arm and helps you up. Aah that familiar scent that has been haunting you sleep is all over you, filling up your senses. You turn to look at your side and see Brittany with her head down brushing the dirt from your knees  
“oh San..what are you doing to yourself?” she looks like she haven’t had enough sleep for the past days.  
You immediately stand up away from her and almost stumble again cause you can’t keep your balance. She tries to reach out to help you at once but you push away from her reach  
“stay away from me!!”  
“I can’t! I can’t stay away from you Santana! Don’t you get it?!!” she sobs.  
Pleaseee.. you can’t watch her cry again. why didn’t you just drink enough so you could have passed out in your car again instead of being here.  
“why can’t we just talk this out san..?”  
“just leave me alone Britt!”  
“Okay fine!” you see her breathing heavily “ I give up! Do whatever the hell you want to do! See if I care!”  
The she storms off back to her apartment and you were left alone outside your apartment.   
Come to think of it, you’ve never seen Brittany raise her voice like that before, so fiery but still so damn irresistible even when she’s mad that you just wanna snatch her and carry her over your arms and have your way with her outside your lawn. Ever since meeting her, your world was turned upside down.   
That’s what you wanted right? For her to just stay away because you think with her in your life, would only bring you nothing but complete misery. Why is it that when you see her turn her back at you, you feel like it’s the worse feeling you’ve ever felt these past few days. It’s like life is completely sucked out of you and it’s all dark now. You feel more hollow than before, sunken into the deepest level and everything’s just dull that even the countless of alcohol you just consumed can’t fill up anything that’s empty inside of you.  
That was days ago and nothing has changed, you already conditioned yourself that you can settle for this kind of life.  
You can’t go home yet cause you’re not past your limit. With your head down eyeing your own drink and heavily lost in thought that you don’t notice the man sitting already sitting beside you.  
“the moment I saw you standing on Brittany’s doorstep, I know there was something about you” when you turn your head up, you see it’s Dan. He looks so big, sophisticated and handsome this close. He has one of that chiseled feature on, it’s really clear how Brittany could have liked him in the first place.  
You just scoff at him, hoping he would leave if you don’t answer him. Why is he here anyway, why isn’t he with Brittany?  
“well clearly youre beautiful, so I see where the attraction is coming from”  
“but I don’t think you’re good enough for her” ooh he’s hit a nerve  
“you don’t know anything about me” you hiss at him. He doesn’t need to tell you all these things, he already has the girl.  
“she’s special and I was ready to give her everything, you know..?”  
“well good luck with that” you stand, getting enough of this conversation but he stops you from moving  
“But when she said, she’s in love with you and she wants to be with---“  
“WHAT?!!” did you hear him right? Did he just say that Brittany was in love with you and wants to be with you?!!


	16. Chapter 16

“WHAT?!!” did you hear him right? Did he just say that Brittany was in love with you and wants to be with you?!!   
“You can’t make her happy, like I can..” you don’t wait for him to finish cause you stood up so fast, your mind reeling from what you just heard. You don’t even mind the bullshit that he’s saying cause all you think is Brittany’s face while you imagine her saying that.  
You hurriedly turn to get out of this damn bar, you’re mind seemed to go blank from anything else, you just want to go to Brittany. To go to that one place you’ve been dying to be and desiring with your whole being that you have to drown yourself with alcohol because your whole body just aches every moment to be there with her.  
But the last thing you heard Dan say, made you stop from walking out just yet.  
“I’m not letting her go without a fight” he tells you, looking straight in to your eyes, his face full of challenge.  
“oh yeah? Well I’ll give you a taste now of how I’m willing to fight for her too!” you caught him off guard when you slap him so hard on the face before rushing out of the door.   
Serves him right for talking down on you like that.  
You have to find Brittany. How could you be so dumb and stupid, she tried so hard to explain to you and talk to you but what did you do? You pushed her away. You’re so good in driving people away that you may have driven away the one person you can’t live without. There’s so many things you want to do with yourself right now, like put your head in between the door of your car and slam it until you lose consciousness. That’s what you deserve for treating Brittany that way.  
First you have to find her and beg her to talk to you and if she does not give you the time of the day then you can continue the process of torturing yourself, starting with the list you’re seriously conjuring in your head now so to speak.  
To add to those stupid things you did, you remember the incident with Marley, when she opened the door to her that morning. Oh god.  
If the roles were reverse, you don’t think you could be that calm and to think she still waited for you outside your apartment even if she was hurting inside. Another stab to the injury you’re currently feeling is when you remember the look of hurt she has that day. The thought made you knock your head on the steering wheel numerous times that you almost hit a car but was unscrewed from your desperation when a loud horn blows at you cause you are already on the other side of the road, you rapidly wheel your car to the other side and exhaled a sigh of relief.  
You’re no good explaining your side to Brittany if you’re dead, you can die later if she drives you away or worse if she has truly given up on you. The last thought made you wanna crawl in to a hole and stay there for the rest of your life. You shiver at the idea cause you can’t have that. No you can’t.  
When you arrived outside her apartment, you slowly park the car on the side. You don’t know if she’s still awake, knowing how it’s late already. you get out of the car and sat down on the side of the road, planning on what you’re going to do or say to her.  
After an hour of contemplating ways on how to talk to Brittany, you thought of the one thing that will tell her how you really feel. It’s the perfect way. It’s the reflection to your soul, all your energy and passion poured into it ever since the day she walked in to your life.  
You immediately go to you apartment and prepared everything that you need. If she doesn’t get what you truly feel for her after this then you don’t know what else will.  
When you look at the clock, it’s almost 2am by the time you finish. You head to her apartment and left the small package on her doorstep.

XXxXxxxxxXXXX

The next day you wake up to Rachel’s call reminding you that this is the day you have to head back in to the city for some very important meetings. You argue with her on why you weren’t informed on this so called appointments.   
The truth is you were hoping to see Brittany today and just be able to talk to her so you would know if you should start torturing yourself already if she doesn’t accept your apology. If you’re angry with her for going with Dan for the right reasons, clearly sleeping with Marley is more than a way of getting back at her.  
You don’t think you can even look at her if the positions were reversed. If she slept with someone at the first sign of trouble as a way to forget then that just says you clearly haven’t changed from your old ways and as painful as it is, maybe you really don’t deserve her. Like what Dan said.  
When all you ever wanted was to protect her but ended up doing the worst thing to her. How could you think you’re any better than Dan then. You just hope that what Dan has told you is true and Brittany really does love you, cause maybe from that love, she can pull the virtue of forgiveness towards you.  
She doesn’t deserve this, having to experience that already with Dan and now all this crap from you. To think Brittany has no one really, yeah she has a family but they’re living so far away.  
If only you were not so stubborn and just talked to her maybe you wouldn’t have to go through all of this sufferings you went through all these days.   
Maybe she’d be here wrapped up in your arms, waking up to her heavenly smile and just savoring up all her warmth, God you need to stop with these thoughts cause you will start to grit your teeth again at how good even if it’s just a thought that you’ll start to have a headache again.  
How can you tell her that you were so drunk when that thing with Marley happened that you even have zero memory from it and if you were not drunk you think you could have only gone through it with all thoughts of Brittany in it. You smack your head at how bad that still is.   
Those are still not valid excuses.   
If in some miracle she does forgive you and decides she still wants to be with you, then you’d do everything within you power to make her happy and not give her even the tiniest reason to ever be sad again. You’ve never felt this way before and you’d be damned if you would let her walk away.  
You finish your talk with Rachel, slump back, still complaining to yourself but you have no choice, you have to drive back to the city. She even reminded you that you were the one who agreed to this dates and when you ask her how you can’t even remember talking to her about this, she had to shout at you that she repeated these dates to you clearly when you were having a conference meeting and you agreed to them several times. That’s when you remember, why you didn’t have them stored in your head because that was the time when someone else’s head was in between your legs. Brittany’s head. Brittany’s tongue, Brittany’s fingers. How well she knows how to please you and make you squirm. Ughh.  
Now is not the time to think of all those things. You take your mind off the gutter and hurriedly rush to the bathroom, if you don’t get yourself into gear by this hour, you will seriously be late and you cannot handle Rachel scolding you at this time.

XXXXXXXXxx

You arrive just in New York, just in time and when you see Rachel she released a big sigh and immediately threw herself at your arms. It’s not your habit to be so touchy and be a hugger to her but you admit that you kinda miss her too so you just nestled more into her embrace and told her that you miss her too. You jump when she slaps your butt and said  
“Put your business mode on now, lets go!” then ushered you inside the room.  
The meetings went on through the whole afternoon, you did not even have a time to catch your breath. Only when you have a 20min lunch break that Rachel right away jumped at you and dragged you to the pantry and forced you to tell her everything that’s been happening especially every detail about who this Brittany is.  
In her own words “You have to tell me anything and everything about you and this Brittany and you have to do it in not more than 20 mins Santana! Look at you! you look like a lovesick pupy just by the mere mention of her name! I’ve never seen you like this before!” she keeps saying while walking all around the room, preparing for both of your lunch in a complete Rachel manner. You miss this kind of moments with her too, being with someone who is so loud, obnoxious but still manages to be super sweet to you and keeps you from being lost into your own thoughts because she can just talk for hours about anything, forcing you to engage in any topic that has her submerge at any given moment. God forbid, if you have that kind of friend who has the same qualities as you cause then maybe you’d end up just staring at each other for days and rot if you were left in a room together.  
You did your best to tell her everything and you remember her face from having her mouth open, to almost crying when she sympathizes at you, to just all of a sudden smacking you in the head for not listening to Brittany and drowning yourself in liquor as an answer to your problems  
“San, I agreed to let you go an write by yourself outside the city cause you promise that you’d take care of yourself. We don’t want what happened before to happen again” you just shrug it off and told her that you have it all under control and when she asks what you’re gonna do about Brittany, you simply said with all honesty  
“I don’t know Rach… I did not expect this to happen. All I know is I love her” and bowed your head while looking at your nails  
Rachel just looks at you lovingly with a smile on her face and said  
“Awww San.. I never thought this day would come that I’d get to see you like this. You were never like this even with Simone before. Good thing though cause you knew I couldn’t stand her!” you chuckled at that because you remember how Simone and Rachel used to be in each other’s throats when there were occasions that the two of them are forced to be in the same room with each other.  
You wonder what Rachel would think of Brittany when she meets her.  
After the confessions of the heart you had with Rachel, you continue your meetings and the day stretched on from plans on what the cover designs will be, to the scheduling of the book tours that before you knew it, it was already 7pm.  
Rachel asked if you wanted to go back into town tomorrow and you can just crash in her apartment, offering her spare room but all you wanna do really is to go home and see if you can still catch Brittany. Rachel knew better than to argue with you so she just hugged you, gave you a warning looj and told you to straighten up.  
You bid Rachel goodbye, hugged her and said “yes mom, don’t worry” and went your way.  
When you see the welcome to New Haven sign just outside town after 3 hours of driving, you can’t seem to shake how you feel that you’re finally home even if this town is really not your home but there’s like a string tied to your heart that was tugged the farther you went away from this town. Maybe the feeling is also due to fact that you know you’re almost nearing that one place where you truly belong. Nearing where Brittany is and where your heart rightfully belongs, where it can beat right again cause she did stole everything from you without you ever knowing it.  
Different kinds of emotions stir up inside of you when you park your car outside your apartment. Excitement that you’d get to finally see her and at the same time this great fear on what Brittany’s reaction will be once she sees you.   
Overwhelmed by what you feel, you approach her apartment without noticing that all the lights are turned off.  
You feel the disappointment on your fourth knock when there’s still no answer and when you round the house, it suddenly dawned on you that she’s not home. She’s not here. Where has she gone to? You think of all sorts of place on where she could be and you suddenly feel dizzy at the idea that maybe she’s with Dan already.  
No.No.No. Where you too late? You remember the last thing Dan said to you, that he will fight for her. What if he was able to convince her this time. What if he was able to let Brittany see that you don’t really deserve her, not to mention the last two scenes you had with Brittany were not really good reasons to take into considerations that she should choose you.  
There’s a whirling sensation flooding your head, you feel like you’re swaying and a huge urge to vomit all over her front porch that you ran quickly to your apartment, almost crawling your way inside cause of how bad you feel all over.

Xxxxxxxxxxx

You narrow your eyes to your surroundings cause it’s still very dark but when you crane your head to look outside the window, you see light and darkness fighting with themselves outside. You glance at your clock and you see that it’s still 5am.  
You immediately feel the melancholy swept over you again when you remember the events from last night and it made your whole body feel heavy again that instead of getting out of bed, you choose to bury yourself in sleep again to escape this gloomy state of mind that you’re so immersed in.  
Where are you Britt?   
The last thought you had before dozing off again was the silent plea, begging with all your whole being, to have your sun, in the form of those blonde, silky hair set on you once again when you wake up.

XxxXXXXXXXXXx

It’s been weeks, still no sign of Brittany. When you check for the third time during the day as you hear a sound of a car passing by, disappointed that it’s still not Brittany coming back , so you slump back to your desk and continue to write again.  
Drowning yourself again whatever you can grasp just to get out the desperation and sadness out of your mind as the days went on.

XXXxxxxX

You have no idea that 300kms away, the blonde girl with soft, pale hands starts openning the package that on her doorstep, almost a month ago when she left. Inside is the bind of the unfinished draft to your book and the note you left with it. She slowly placed it on her lap, keeping it close as if her life depended solely on it.  
Her perfectly manicured fingers slowly opening the binder and was surprised to see her name on the front page and when she starts to read, she can’t help stop the tears slowly streaming from her eyes.  
Her heart rapidly beating on each words that punctured straight in to it. She clutched her free hand to her chest as she prepares, guarding her very tired heart hurting since the day she showed up on your doorstep, seeing Marley at your door.  
Dedicated to Brittany,  
I want you to know, I’d fall apart without you.  
I don’t know how you do what you do  
‘cause everything that don’t make sense about me,   
Make sense when I’m with you.  
I need you, I may have not said it more often but you gotta know,  
You’re wanted in my life.  
I wanna wrap you up, I wanna kiss your lips  
I wanna make you feel wanted  
And I wanna call you mine  
Wanna hold your hand forever and never let you forget it.  
Yeah, I wanna make you feel so wanted.  
Anyone can tell you, you’re pretty and you get that all the time, I know you do.  
But in my eyes, you’re beauty is deeper and I wanna show you what I see, forever…  
As good as you make me feel, I wanna make you feel better,  
Better than your fairytales, better than your best dreams.  
You’re more than everything I need, you’re all I ever wanted and now  
That I found you, I won’t stop making you feel wanted.

She spends the whole hour reading until the last page, not even stopping when her mother asked her if she wanted to eat something. Sitting with her knees folded to her chest in her family’s house. Feeling so lost, she came back here wanting some time for herself but even if she took herself away from the emotional pain the place is causing her, she’s still tormented by all these thoughts of this beautiful, conflicted, stubborn brunette that she left next door. It took her weeks before finally deciding to open your package, hesitating if she’s ready for the revelation of what’s in it.  
She realized that although unfinished, the book clearly was like a love letter written for her and the note with it was the last straw to make her sob like a baby on her mother’s living room. because You have no idea what went through her mind the last days that made her decide to finally seek the refuge of her family. How she was breaking when she saw you coming home drunk almost every night, helpless in her own apartment cause you were driving her away until she finally felt like giving up.

Britt,  
You’ve always wanted to know what my book was. Here it is.  
But words can’t even begin to describe how sorry I am. I don’t know how I can make up to you for acting the way I did. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I don’t even ask for you to be with me although God knows that’s what everything I’m dreaming of but it’s asking too much, it’s like asking for the stars and the moon. For me you belong with them cause you are my sun. But if you just say it Britt.., if you would only allow me to love you, I would lay the world on your feet. I would Brittany…  
But I would understand if you think you’re better off without me so I ask for your forgiveness instead.  
Santana,

For several days of being plunge in confusion, buried and almost crippled. After reading your letter, she stood up and finally came to a decision.

XxXxXxXxXxXx

You’re nearing the end of your book. You wonder how you even manage on finishing it when you have been almost lifeless for the past weeks. Walking in you apartment like a zombie, eating up on your own misery. At first learning to just live with it but by now you go back to just don’t caring like how you were the very first few days you arrive in this town but worse, much worse.   
You deserve this life. Having a chance to live the kind of life of what most people just dream about. Having someone worth living for, worth changing, worth turning your life upside down cause just by looking at that one person, you feel all this love flowering inside all over your insides that it hurts but blew it all up is the most stupidest if not the most lowliest thing you’ve ever done in your life that even just thinking of smiling disgusts you.  
You think it’s better to live this way, in darkness, with a mood as thick as the gray clouds cause if you go back to thinking of what if’s again, like what you played over and over your head the first few days realizing that Brittany was gone, you’ll not be able to leave the corner of your room and just stay there until God knows when.  
You even got sick, the other week but did not even get the slightest but bothered by it cause you don’t feel it being farther than what you really feel for yourself.   
You just go to that unopened medicine box and pop that pill like it’s candy and went about your day or night not even bothering what time of the day it is already cause it really doesn’t matter.

XXxXXxXXXXXX

You don’t know what brought you here. You just found yourself wandering through the night, letting your feet lead you to this place. Where she first took you, let you in and cried in your arms, where you first felt the force to open more and let her warmth seep into the crack of your heart.  
Where she first stole your breath and then your limbs when unconsciously it went behind her shoulders so you could cradle her more tightly into your embrace.  
You can’t deny how you hate this kind of moments where you’re slowly sucked into thinking about her cause you’re afraid you’ll fall into this limbo again that took you days to escape but you don’t fight it coming this time cause all your body parts are craving for it, namely your feet, who on their own accord brought you here to this park without even asking you if you wanted to be here.  
You chose to sit on this bench. Yours and Brittany’s bench. Hah! Are you really this intent on torturing yourself? Anyway, you took out a pack of cigarette in your pocket. Oh did you forget to mention that you picked up the habit again. well it helps you take your mind off something that’s blonde with inviting blue eyes like a pool that you’d just want to swim in and with a perfect body that are just to die for and those are all the physical aspects of, you don’t want to get started what all her personality is like cause you can’t. You just can’t.  
You light up the cigarette and take your first puff, inhaling that smoke and letting it run in your chest, relishing the satisfaction of taking the smoke it provides then exhaled it again thru your nose, gazing at the trees ahead, just getting lost at the moment.  
“You know that’s bad for you…” a voice from behind you suddenly said.  
You close your eyes, shutting it so strongly that your cheeks start to hurt.  
That voice, warm and soft which made you spend so many hours sleepless and wide awake at night. The sweetest music to your ears, sending tingles all over your body.  
For a second you think maybe your imagination is getting the best of you, experiencing something that only exist inside your mind but when you see those perfect shape legs, and you run your eyes to her slim figure, creamy skin and then finally to those blue eyes that are just sparkling on her, walking from behind you and stopping just a few meters away in front of you, you lungs almost starts to malfunction again.  
Is she even real?  
Your thief, stealing you air again, not even almost a minute that she’s here. You almost beg her right there, to take you. You’re ready for the assault this time. You’ve never been this ready for anything in your life.  
But your breath hitched up and it almost choked you and you just said.  
“Britt…”


	17. Chapter 17

Is she even real?  
Your thief, stealing you air again, not even almost a minute that she’s here. You almost beg her right there, to take you. You’re ready for the assault this time. You’ve never been this ready for anything in your life.  
But your breath hitched up and it almost choked you and you just said.  
“Britt…”  
You almost dash to her side as you see her take a long deep breath when your eyes both fall into each other. The pull is so great and heavy, like a magnet drawing you to her.  
When she sees you’re about to stand, she says very quietly  
“just sit down…” her face serious, deep in thought.  
You stop your movements and just your gaze at her but all your inside thoughts are doing quite the opposite. You just want to vomit all these words that you’ve been dying to tell her ever since you thought that you may have lost her forever but most of all, you just want to be near her, to be able to touch her even just one feathery touch of your finger on her skin, just a second of gently running your hand to her hair, to make sure that she’s really here so you can spring up some tiny life on you that’s been deprive of spirit this past weeks.  
“how have you been?” she says softly, breaking the silence first.  
How have I been? How have I been?! Seriously, you’re asking me that! Can’t you see how miserable I am without you?! Does my eye not tell you enough that it’s been so dull and lifeless ever since you left.  
You bow your head, shaking it at her question, you can’t help but laugh at the irony of it.  
“where have you been Britt?!” you ask her without looking up.   
You’re afraid that if you look up, you won’t be able to control your emotions and just be all over her and turn out to be too much for her to handle.  
“I went home to my family in Ohio.” You’re still not looking up and you take a long drag of that forgotten cigarette in your fingers before putting it off on the ground.  
You see from your peripheral vision that she has her eyes fixed on you all this time you’re trying to look at her.  
“Did you mean everything that you wrote in that letter?”  
That’s when you slowly look up but when you saw the uncertainty in her features, waiting at what your reaction will be and how small she looks, like she’s afraid that you’ll snap and say the opposite words of what she’s been wanting to hear, your heart all of a sudden feels this twist of pain, like it’s being squeezed out of all it’s blood that you were not able to stop yourself anymore from scrambling to your feet, stood in front of her and desperately blurted out.  
“Britt I’m so sorry.. I’m so sorry…” you’re fighting the tears that are desperately wanting to come out now.  
You don’t even think that you’re not answering her question, you’re just spurting out these words without feeling the need to think about them. You feel like, you just want to fly already and see if she’ll take your hand and fly with you.  
“I meant every word Britt…” putting all your effort into each words so that she’ll the sincerity in it  
“ It’s just that the last few days that we saw each other made it hard to believe San..”  
She says your name, using that tone, so soft and sweet and always causes your walls to crumble down.  
You’ve never hated it as much as you hate it now, the things that you have done to make her doubt you like this, you hate the look of hurt on her face when she remembers once again the memory of what those moments brings.  
You reach out asking for her hand, asking her to place it on yours. This is the only way you know how you can communicate to her the fastest way of what you truly feel.  
If you can’t say it properly with words then maybe your touch can make all your feelings travel and slowly flow in to her.  
It’s now suspended a few seconds on the air. You feel the greatest fear in your life, what if she won’t take it?  
From your eyes, she drops her vision to your hands. She looks confused and unsure but it slowly changes to curiosity and then to what you were wishing for, trust.  
She takes your hand and you release a breath of relief thru your nose that you were holding for a minute in your chest.  
You pull her to sit with you on the bench. Not letting go of her hand and of her gaze then you shift so you can both face each other.  
“ you should have known, you should have known how I meant every word of it Britt…”  
You can’t help the rush of emotions that are escaping so fast now. Like a dam that’s been hold up intensely for days, released from inside you.  
You bow your head, resting it on both of your hands, trying to hide the tears that are falling now.  
“im sorry Britt.. I’m so sorry for everything. I’m sorry for that morning with Marley” you can’t stop rambling. Your voice full of desperate pleas, letting her know how miserable you were for what you did.  
“shh..ssh.. it’s okay.. let’s not talk about that now” running her hands up and down your back  
You pull away a little from her so you can look into her eyes. you see tears streaming there too. You hold her face and wipe the tears with your thumb.  
“why.. why is it okay?” you can’t believe she’s this good and forgiving, incapable of hate.  
She tilts her head and looks at you very tenderly.  
“you should have known too, you know.” Also wiping the tears on your cheek.  
But you want to hear it. It’s not enough.  
“when you left with Dan..” you pause to swallow the lump on your throat.  
“you don’t know what went through my mind that night, I was so afraid..” the words are hard to get out with your tears flooding now  
“and… and when you came back, all I thought was, you were going to tell me that you can’t see me anymore”  
She wipes your face while listening carefully at everything that you’re saying  
“I went with him to tell him that I can’t be with him anymore San. I had to talk to him the right way, whatever the nature of our relationship was, I felt like that’s the least I could do for him. I owed him that.”  
She tells you, still cradling your face with both her hands, willing you to understand.  
You do understand. You understand how good her heart is. You understand everything now.  
“I’m so sorry too. For not telling you what I was planning that night but he was a mess San. I had to make sure and see he was alright and that he understood what I wanted.”  
Say it. I have to hear it.  
“and what is that?” you look at her, begging with your eyes  
Tell me. God, tell me.  
“You…” she says like it’s the simplest, most natural thing to say.  
You forget everything. All your surroundings become just a blur and she’s all that you see.  
“I want you San…” she said with the softest voice, almost a whisper and you feel your heart expand inside you, beating the right way again, pumping and spreading life into those veins that has been inanimate but are now slowly coming to life.  
She placed her hand on your cheek, drawing it near and when you feel her lips touch yours, all the warmth surge throughout your body. Your drug. The one thing you’re sure, you need more than air itself is brushing against your lips with the gentlest pressure.   
It’s too much but it’s all that you need.  
You’re the first to pull away wanting some clarity in your head but you don’t let her go that far and held her in your embrace instead.  
“God I miss you so much…” you tell her with so much emotion in your voice  
You know you both still have a lot to talk about and you want to start this the right way with her but you don’t think of asking her about what Dan said at the bar just yet, that can wait, you’re just happy that she’s finally right here with you, in your arms  
You hold her face and she placed her hands on yours and said  
“I miss you too San.. you have no idea” leaning more into your hand that’s on her face  
You roam your eyes all over her face, getting introduced once again to all her features. Memorizing each tiny freckles that you love that you’d just want to kiss each one and know you won’t ever get tired of doing it.  
That’s when you notice how she looks so tired but still manages to look so heartbreakingly beautiful. It dawned on you that maybe she just arrived into town but went straight into looking for you and that thought made you fall for her a little bit more all over again.  
“would you like to go home now?” you’d offer to carry her with all this strength your suddenly feeling if only she will let you.  
“yeah I’d love that” she smiles with her reply.  
It was a nice walk going back home. Everything feels so different. You notice for the first time tonight how beautiful the night is, how the stars are shining so bright and to top it off, you even feel that the moon is smiling down on you.  
But you know what, the most beautiful thing in this world is not up ahead but here, walking right beside you.  
You turn your gaze at her, making sure once again that she’s here and when she sees you staring, she turns bashful but not shying away on taking your hands and linking your fingers with hers.  
You see the crisp wind blowing at her beautiful, golden locks and you just want to run your fingers through it.  
And you do it, thinking because you can but your action made her look questioningly at you.  
“Nothing. I just miss running my fingers into your hair”  
And she chuckles at what you said  
“you’re a mush” she says while shaking her head at you.  
You don’t give a shit if you look like a fool, looking at her right now. You can be a clown all your life but if this is the prize is then you’ll take it.  
You’re wondering of one thing though, as you slowly near your destination.  
“how did you know where I was?” you ask  
“when I saw that you weren’t home but your car was parked at your garage, there’s only one place that I thought you could have gone to”  
You can’t help but smile at her, for having this thought of familiarity with you, even though you haven’t known each other for years but you have this feeling of easiness with each other. Maybe that also explains how hard you’ve fallen for her at such a short amount of time.  
When you reach the front of her apartment, you see her things are still outside the door. She starts to slowly pull her hand out of your grasp to begin descending her way inside her apartment but you quickly pull her again, not wanting on letting her go.  
“no. you’re sleeping with me” you said curtly, like it’s a must and anything that she’ll say otherwise is not open for discussion.  
If she thinks you’ll let her out of your sight ever again then she’s in for a rude awakening.  
You’re not going to tiptoe on this one. You’ve tried living more than a month without her and look what it’s done to you. As long as you can help it, you’re not going to let her go again. She’d have to look at you straight in the eyes and tell you she doesn’t want to be in on this cause that’s the only way you think that would make you stop.  
But you hope and pray to God that, that will be farthest from the truth.  
“yes San, but can I go fix my things first?” she looks down on your face so lovingly while waiting for your answer  
“ok but if you’re not in my apartment in 30 minutes, I’m coming to get you” you said very sternly.  
she laughs at your answer and said “ I’m not going anywhere, okay?” then she tips your chin up so your eyes don’t waver from looking into each other “don’t worry..” then she smiles and gave you peck on the lips before heading inside.  
You wait till you see the last of her body go inside the door before you let out a big sigh over how the events of this day turned into.  
You’re sitting in front of the dresser, blow drying your hair. You just finished taking a shower because before going in to your room, you did a quick clean up on your apartment, noticing for the first time in the last days how messy it is.  
Even your vision is functioning well now.  
You see Brittany’s reflection in the mirror stopping by the doorway and leans on it when she spots you. She’s freshly showered and just looks so cute on her blue boxers shorts and her small avengers themed t-shirt.  
“Hi…” she says  
“you’re late” you look at her with pointed eyes  
“ha, only by a minute!” rolling her eyes at what you just said and slowly walks to your dvd set on top of your tv, looking thru your several collections.  
She spots something that she likes and pulls it out from the shelve  
“Can we watch this?” asking with those big, round, cerulean eyes of her  
“Pride and Prejudice? Are you sure?” you’re surprise that she also likes this kind of movie. It’s one of your all-time favorite.  
“yeah. I love Mr.Darcy!” she says plainly and hands you the dvd.  
You don’t move just yet from where you are sitting even though you are now finished with all your before going to bed rituals. Rituals that you have when you’re not stumbling drunk to your room.  
You watch her first turn her back at you, making her way to your bed. You’re eyes firmly roaming all over her body, to her long legs that could go on for days that you’re dying to run your fingers on and have it wrapped all around your mid-section to her trim waist. You can’t stop marveling at how freakingly sexy she is that you can’t help how you’re getting all aroused now just by watching her back.  
You shake your head from your thoughts when you see her making herself comfortable on your bed, loving the normality of what’s happening here inside your room like she rightfully belongs here all along.  
She tells you while you’re placing the DVD on the player   
“Actually, Mr.Darcy reminds me of you”  
You blushed at what she just said and made your way to the side of your bed but stood there for a minute, thinking if it’s alright to just jump in with her or where you will place yourself cause she’s currently placed herself in the middle.  
When she looks up and sees your undecided state, she stretched her arms indicating that you settle right beside her.  
“you look cute standing there in you pajamas but I’d much rather you be here beside me..” she says teasingly.  
She didn’t have to tell you twice. You did say you’re sure about this but at the same time, you don’t want to just pounce on her. You want everything to be just perfect.  
You pulled the sheets up so you can settle next to her and when you start to lean on the pillows she pulls you so you can lean more into her.  
“come here..” she asks with that very sweet voice of hers.  
When you feel your legs gracing with each other, touching skin to skin and her arms circling around your waist, your heart blossoms at the feeling on how comfortable you are, contented and just overwhelmingly happy being in this position  
“are you sure you’re not yet too tired for this movie ‘cause we can just go to sleep if you are..” you ask concern if she is.  
“I’m tired but I don’t wanna sleep just yet. I just want to spend a little more time with you before I close my eyes” and she ducks her head, trying to hide the blush that’s slowly creeping at her cheeks from your intense staring at her.  
“ok shush now, the movies starting” she says as she squeezes your waist and held you tighter into her.  
From the last hour, your position has changed, now she’s already leaning her head at the crook of your neck and you doing circles with your fingers at the palm of her hands that’s currently on your stomach while your other hand is snaked all around her arms.  
You don’t even think you’ve watched a minute of the film cause you were just so intent on watching her. Soaking up on all her warmth and just filling up all your senses with how good she smells and feels right here in your arms.  
She may have noticed you sigh cause she suddenly looked up and said  
“you’re not watching..” looking at your eyes and on your lips, flipping it back and forth.  
She looks so adorable doing it and you lower your head until your nose touches hers and you just close your eyes feeling her face with the tip of your nose, basking on her hot breathing landing all over your face before nudging it up so you can kiss her.  
Slow at first, coaxing her lips and when she partly opens it, you dip your tongue inside of her, shyly making an entrance into her wet welcoming mouth. You might have heard her moan a little bit but you’re not too sure anymore ‘cause you’re also lost at just how fucking awesome it feels to be kissing her.  
Both your tongues are now dancing with each other, missing the silkiness and the warmth that it makes each other feel. A hot force jolts from the pleasure of feeling her tongue twisting with yours that goes all the way to the center of your thighs, leaving it in a hot wet mess.  
You slowly pull away and rest your forehead on hers, both breathing roughly from the emotion that the simple kiss brings.  
“that’s better” she says while her lips is still on yours  
“what’s better?”  
“your lips. It tastes so much better now unlike earlier, I could taste the cigarette on it”  
You see her at you after saying that and you just pinch her side and tickling it a little bit, she jumps at what you’re doing.  
How could she laugh at you when you’re feeling so aroused right now and here she is clearly with different thoughts, far from what’s happening in your mind.  
“stop. Stop… sorry..” while taking a firm hold of your hand that’s behind her waist and pulled it around, resting it right on top of her stomach.  
“I just don’t like you smoking San but I won’t ask you to quit. I just want you to know how I feel about it” then she threads her fingers into yours and plants it again on her belly.  
After a while, you feel her head slowly getting heavy on your chest and her breathing slowly getting even, you peek to the side of her face and saw that she has doze off. You move your body, pushing it down slowly so you can lie on your back without disturbing her from her current position that’s being held in your arms and you reach for the remote and turned off the tv.  
You watch her sleeping peacefully now, so beautiful. You’re waiting for sleep to come, still overwhelmed by a great force of emotion that she brings. Good emotions though. All good.  
You run your hand up and down the side of her arms and your lips just placed on her forehead.  
After sometime when you’re slowly starting to feel sleepy, you feel her wriggle in your arms and when you see she still has her eyes closed, you think that maybe she’s dreaming but she wakes up a little and frantically tightened her embrace on you.  
“San..” she says with a groggy voice, holding you so tight as if making sure that you’re still there.  
“im here.. ssh.. go back to sleep” you, cooing reassuringly at her. Not stopping until you’re sure that she’s sleeping sound again before dozing off yourself a little shortly after that.

Xxxxxx

You’re goofily smiling at each other while having lunch two days after. Your old self would loathe at how happy you look right now. Just looking foolishly at her, while she’s munching on her food, playing footsie under the table.  
You wonder how can you be so lucky, to be chosen among millions of people and to be the one that’s here, getting to spend all this time with this beauty.  
You wonder though for the past two days about the status of your relationship. You still haven’t talked about that and you want everything to just take it’s natural course and see when the moment is right. But is there really a right moment for that when every moment is the right moment when you’re with Brittany. Then what the hell are you waiting for?! Are you waiting for her to be the one to ask you? Is there really a need to ask anymore? Maybe she needs more time, cause if she doesn’t, she could have just said it right?! You scold yourself for thinking about all these ridiculous things, you stop yourself from thinking too much about it.  
Cause you’re sure when the right moment comes, it will be so easy for you, you won’t even need to think about it.  
That moment comes one afternoon on a weekend and you’re just lying in bed cause you’ve been constantly having this headaches and you feel like your body is just too heavy to move around.   
You’re slumped on your bed with a cold compress on your forehead that Brittany insists you put on while you’re watching her pacing back and forth in your room, fixing some of your clothes that’s been left scattered on the floor.   
She’s moving about arranging and putting stuff back to where they’re supposed to be and you’re just so engrossed on watching her, looking at how graceful she looks just moving around doing ordinary things. You take note at the way she bites the tip of her tongue when she thinks that nobody’s watching, the way her hips moves, swaying so seductively without her meaning to and you love how she carefully takes care of your things.   
You watch her use her slender hands, running her index finger on your face on that one picture you have with your mother that’s placed above you cabinet and smiling adorably while looking at it.  
When she turns around she notices that you’re looking at her making her raise her eyebrows at you, laughing a little.  
“you look like a sap, just staring at me like that” she chuckles after saying that and when you don’t give her any retort to what she just said, she curiously asks you now.  
“what…?” dragging her words when she says it.  
You grin at her cuteness but turned serious when you said  
“there’s something in the way you move… makes me feel like… like I can’t live without you.”  
The way her face changed when you said those words. If you can just print the mental picture that you took so you can look at it forever. The look of a person greatly loved and communicating her response, bearing it on her face immediately liquefying all your insides, like butter when it’s exposed to heat.  
On her face, it is written that she feels the same way about you. If you had doubts before, all of it have mysteriously disappeared now.  
She slowly walked towards you, sits beside you on the bed and takes your hand into hers.  
“how are you feeling?”  
“with you here, better.” You smile and she rolls her eyes at your answer.  
“Uhmm. You know, my mom called me this morning but I couldn’t talk that long with her cause I had to go check up on you”  
She stops and looks at her hands that’s bending your fingers, playing with it. She looks unsure if she should continue  
“and…” you goad at her  
“she’s asking who this wonderful woman, I can’t stop bubbling to her about..”  
“and..” you repeat again, suppressing a smile.  
“stop…” she laughs and slaps your hand for being impatient.  
“I just don’t know what to say about you when I’m talking to her. Do I tell her that I’ll call later cause I have to go to this girl next door, who would probably just go on with her day, satisfied with just drinking coffee cause she’s so lazy to cook that I have to make sure that she eats something or I can just simply say that I’ll call her later cause I want to check up on my…” she bows her head before continuing, blushing on where she’s heading with this conversation.  
“on my girlfriend…?” for a moment, you’re slightly frozen from what she just said. Surprised like a kid who was just presented a wonderful gift on the early morning of Christmas.  
You snap out of it and you tilt her chin up and held her gaze lock with yours.  
Speaking with pure love “would you like that?” and then looked at her so endearingly.  
The dragonflies in your stomach, whirling and buzzing so fast right now.  
She gives you a simple nod, full of hope in her eyes, a taint of pink blush spreading all over her cheeks then you reach out to connect your lips to her but not before saying.  
“there’s nothing that I would want more in this world” the you capture her lips fully, delving your tongue inside her mouth, enjoying the sweetness that it brings each time you get to have a taste

Xxxxx

The next day you’re feeling a lot better, no headaches just a little tiredness that you feel gnawing within your muscles. You keep pushing this notion at the back of your mind, ever since the other week when you first got sick that the thing you were afraid of happening is coming back again. No, it can’t possibly be, not now, when you already have Brittany with you.  
No. No. No. you quickly stood up and went to that medicine box again, hiding under your bed and popped a pill.  
You think how scary Rachel or your mom’s face will be if they find out that this box has been opened again. They’re very protective of you, especially with your health.  
You try to forget about it and immediately wash the sweat on your face before going back to your desk and continue answering emails.


	18. Chapter 18

You’re reading through some changes on the last part of your book and just doing some polishing on it. You’re finally nearing the end of it and you can’t wait to show it to Brittany cause it was mainly written for her. It’s a story about an adventurous girl going through this unknown land, meets trial and obstacles and came out victorious. It is set in the medieval stage where she also meets a widower and falls in love despite the difficulty they had to go through. It is a romantic story and all that crap. Everything was taken from Brittany’s character, from her physical features to everything that she is like.  
You’re in your own world when suddenly you hear the subject of your book call out to you.  
“San….!” She calls from across the room.  
You glance at your clock and see that it’s already 11pm. You’re always amazed at how fast time can go by especially when you’re writing. Although the difference now is you don’t mind leaving and you don’t even have to peel yourself away from it cause you have a hot, gorgeous girlfriend waiting for you in bed.  
Yes. Girlfriend. She’s finally yours now. How good does that sound? Much more ,how good does it feels? You close your eyes and let it seep into your mind again at how lucky you are.  
Hot, warm sexy body, great legs. All of that waiting just for you.   
Yeah, How much do you all envy me now?  
“come to bed… I want my girlfriend here..” she calls out once again and you can’t help but laugh at how cute she is.  
When you enter the room, you see her eyes are closed and she’s facing your side of the bed with her head and arms hugging your pillow.   
You lift her hand and slowly slide beside her, taking her into your embrace, her arms placed around your waist. She snuggles closely to the crook of your neck and inhaled deeply.  
“you smell so good… and so comfy” she says the last part with a voice mimicking how a child.  
You didn’t see each other much the whole day cause she was busy with her clients, talking to them online and when she came in later that night, you were still on your desk trying to finish your work.  
“tired?” you ask while running your index finger through the bridge of her nose up and down.  
“yes, I had to finish a deadline for this one client and there was a huge amount of work left ‘cause I didn’t get it done when I took that month long break.”  
You bow your head to peek and saw that she still has her eyes closed, so you try to make her feel relaxed by gently combing your fingers through her hair so she can easily go to sleep.  
What you do not know is that she has different plans on her mind and when you feel her nose moving up and down your neck then her tongue comes next and does the same thing a sudden heat of electricity runs through your veins stopping at the bottom of your stomach. This thing that she’s doing is making you feel very excited and aroused at once even though it’s not even a matter of minute that she started it.   
Not to mention, you’re now also very wet that you’re probably dripping on the sheets.  
At this early stage of your relationship, you’re surprised at how well you have been able to control your urges when it comes to Brittany. This is so totally not you. You should be given an award already for holding out this long but because she’s just not any other person and you respect and love her so much that you don’t wanna jump on her like your some kind of a dog in heat.  
You jump out of your thoughts when you feel her gently bite your neck.  
“I thought you were tired?” you ask while you bend your head to look at her.  
“never too tired for this…” she mumbles as she continues to lick your neck, all the way to your earlobe as she gently sucks on it.  
You hear yourself moan, it’s been so long since you’ve been dreaming of experiencing this again.  
She peppers kisses from your neck to your jaws taking her time on each part. When you arch your back from the intense pleasure you’re going through, she suppresses the soft whimper that was about to escape your mouth when she captures it with hers, delving her tongue inside.  
You keep kissing for minutes and just spending time on experiencing the pleasure of how good each other feels and tastes like. Tongues continuously battling with each other and getting reacquainted.   
Not knowing where to place your hand cause you’re emotions are in overload that it’s frantically moving up and down all over her sides.  
She pulls away and whispers into your partially opened lips  
“I wanna kiss you from your mouth down to your inner thighs and not stop until you’re shaking”  
Oh God. Is she for real?! Was she expecting you to just listen to that? When the truth is, you almost came right then and there at what she just said.  
From your mouth, she starts trailing kisses to your neck, slightly sucking, down to your collarbone, moving her lips smoothly and painfully slow on it.  
Ugh the agony of waiting, of wanting to have the release that’s been knotting in the pit of your stomach, making you so wet for her is excruciating that it’s making you grip the sheets on the bed so hard.  
You’ve been holding out for what feels like an eternity that you think you’re going to explode already just by her, doing mere kisses to you.   
Sweet, hot kisses, leaving you like a liquid heat, a molten lava already at its highest boiling point.  
She has now managed to take off your shirt and is now paying attention to your boobs, praising it using her mouth and hands.  
“Britt..” you utter in ecstasy, raking your hands thru her golden locks.  
She pushes her way back up to take your mouth again, torridly kissing it, like she’s so thirsty for you.  
Then you feel her hands slowly sneaking inside your pajama shorts but to your disappointment she abruptly stops and pulls away that you almost cry out for the loss of contact. She sits ups and hastily yank your shorts off of you then quickly tosses it on the floor, hurriedly removes all her clothes too and in a speed is now back on top of you again as if she was never gone a few seconds ago.  
Her actions make you think that she’s so desperate for this and your thoughts are affirmed when she whispers just above your nipples.  
“I want you soo bad….” and taking it into her mouth, sucking and flicking her tongue on it, making it so hard as a rock.  
You feel her hands slowly creeping into your thighs and then her fingers lands on your center, parting your slick folds. Running her fingers from the bottom up to the top part of it, stopping at your clit while teasing the bundle of nerves there.  
You all feel this is too much. Your consciousness are on overdrive. It’s just too good. So good that you feel like your stomach is tying into knots and is being pulled into different directions.  
You want to kiss her while she’s touching you.  
“Britt..” you lick your lips before continuing “kiss me..” you beg while tugging softly at her neck.  
You can’t get enough of all of this and you want her lips on your mouth. You’re so confused at how good this all is that you just want to anchor your wild thoughts with her mouth kissing you and her fingers working your center.  
You hold her face and swooped into her mouth, kissing her sloppily.  
When you feel her finger entering inside you, you take her bottom lip and suck hard at it. Wanting to deviate your thoughts into it so you can prolong this sweet ecstasy a little bit.   
You stretch your arms to pull her long shirt up, expecting to meet a barrier that is her underwear but when you move your hand up to her thighs, your wetness doubles when you feel that she’s not wearing any.  
You’re hips buckle more into her fingers and both your breast hitting and sweat mixing with each other. You’re arousal doubling at the thought of Brittany going commando on you.  
God this woman.  
She escapes a moan into your mouth when she feels your finger slide into her, running it up and down, astonished at how ready she is for you. Smearing you fingers from her wetness, you circle her clit not stopping until you reciprocate the pleasure that she’s also giving.  
Soon you both find a rhythm, going in and out and breathing heavily into each other’s mouth. After a few pumps you feel her muscles already tightening around your finger and you push one more into her tightness.  
“Saaaan…” you hear her shout out to the room, repeating your name with each thrust.  
You’re going as deep as you can, finding that spot that makes her arch her body and cling more into you.  
“San.. I’m coming…” you feel her nearing the edge and that she’s about to fall over. You curl your fingers inside her and make your thumb work more circles into her clit, not stopping until you’re done helping her reach for that high.  
You feel her shaking, convulsing at each thrust then to her surprise, you enter her with a third finger, pushing, bringing her to that sweet outburst, fueling more into her pursuit.  
Then she lets herself go, her head falling backwards as she reaches her peak and clamps her thighs close making it for your hands difficult to move but that doesn’t stop you from bringing her that release.   
She screams your name one last time when she reached the peak and falls limp, panting heavily into your neck.  
Her fingers has stopped working you but you don’t mind cause the pleasure that you felt watching her fall from that high is enough to make up for that.  
You tilt her head up, looked into her eyes and ask.  
“are you ok..?” her eyes are just too beautiful, especially after an orgasm. It just speaks volumes of satisfaction and you can’t help but feel like you’ve accomplished something great cause you were the one responsible for it.  
She swallows, looking for her voice then nods before saying so softly “I think you just broke me” and smirks with her answer.  
A couple of minutes after finally regaining her breathing. She continues her fingers that was still inside of you and started moving it again.   
It didn’t take long to have you worked up and writhing beside her. You encircle your arms around her neck, preparing yourself for the earth shattering orgasm that’s about to come.  
You feel the sparks that are starting to build from the tips of your toes, being pulled, rushing through your veins like electricity waking up everything that it touches inside of you.  
You believe there’s nothing else that could be better than what she’s doing to you now until she breaks her kiss and says with the most seductive voice.  
“I want to taste you…”   
Not waiting for your thoughts to catch up and give her some sort of an answer but she really wasn’t asking for your permission anyway cause she’s already positioned herself in between your legs, immediately lapping into your dripping folds, dragging her hot tongue, moving it up and down and dangerously slow.  
“please.. don’t tease” you beg at her to help you. To be released, to jump into that oblivion of pure ecstasy that only she could bring.  
She inserts her finger inside you and sucked hard on your clit. Not stopping until your quivering hard.   
“Uhhh. Britt… right there. Don’t stop..” she has to place her palm on top of your stomach to keep it from moving too much.   
You feel her smiling, pleased with herself for making you feel good.  
You’re almost there. You can almost reach it with just a few more thrusts and she enters you with two fingers and moves in and out, faster and deeper, knowing fully well how to hit that spot over and over again.   
You free fall into this endless pit. Not even caring if there’s anyone to catch you. The spark that has been running all over you, stops into the bottom of your belly and explodes like a giant fireworks display all over inside of you that it reaches to your head, making your eyes roll at the back of it, all the way to the tips of your toes making it curl and your flesh starts to melt leaving you into feeling like you’re a big pile of mush.  
A big smile forms on your face while you slowly fall back from your high, fulfillment etched on it from having just attained that wondrous desire.   
You just feel all this love bursting inside your chest.  
Then you fall back, lying flat on the bed with a ragged breathing and you wipe at the moist that forms around your mouth.   
You’re looking straight above the ceiling just enjoying the stars you’re still seeing from the aftermath of that intense orgasm.  
“wow…” you can’t help but exclaimed and you hear Brittany chuckle.  
That’s what tore your gaze from above and you lift your head to see her in between your legs. Clearly enjoying the scene she’s looking at. You.   
She leans to place a kiss on your knee and drags it slowly upwards to your thighs.  
Your brains shoots warnings on you. Stop. You need to reboot yourself first.  
You remember the power Brittany has to endure succeeding rounds of sex and you need to have your physical strength and health in check in order to keep up with her. For now you’re just so spent, recovering from just getting sick to this mind-blowing orgasm that you just want to lie there and cuddle with her first.  
“Babe.. come here..” and you reach out for her touch.  
She stops what she’s doing and looks at you smiling from ear to ear.  
“what?” you cup her cheeks to pull her closer to you.  
“you said babe, I like it” still smiling, looking adoringly at you.  
“babe, baby, baabeee” you repeated playfully.  
“If I had known what a dork you are..” you both can’t help but laugh at what she just said.

/

After excusing herself to go to the bathroom, she returns and her naked body slides into you and you welcome her into your arms, immediately cradling her into your embrace, swiping a few hair away from her face and kissed her thoroughly.  
You spend a few minutes just kissing each other. Languishing at how excellent this feeling of being here, wrapped in each other’s arms.  
Sliding your hands on her naked side up and down, to her bare torso and sometimes landing it on her ass, squeezing at it then coming back up to hold her neck again.  
You can’t get enough of the fact that this abundance of beauty is all yours for the taking. All yours to kiss, to love, to enjoy the company with and most of all to make love to all the days that you want.   
Well , yeah, if she doesn’t get to it first . Knowing Brittany’s desires and stamina for sex.  
You can’t get enough of all that is her, maybe even until you grow old and die.  
Really? Are you sure? That’s a long, long time of being together we’re talking about. Are you ready for that much of a commitment?  
All these questions speed through your mind but as you pull away and hold her face close to you, gazing intensely into her eyes, you find your answers there all at once.  
Yes, she’s all that you’re gonna need and more. There’s no one else for you. those lips are made only for your lips to be kissed and when you move to mold her body tightly into yours, it just fits so perfectly that you think of no one else, not now nor ever that you could do all of this with.  
You nudge her nose and gave her a chaste kiss and when you stare at her again all these strong emotions rush up, wanting to come out of your chest, clogging your throat that you don’t even fight it anymore.  
“ I love you…” you whisper so softly, looking her straight in the eye.  
Her response made it all so worthy, just looking at how her expression softened, her eyes turning into a darker shade that you don’t think is even possible but just tells you that she’s also overwhelmed from feeling all these emotions that you’re currently enveloped with.  
“I love you too..” she whispers into your mouth so sweetly that you have to breath deeply, to let some of the emotions even out inside of you that are being held up in your chest and she swoops your mouth, plunging her tongue inside, silencing the whimper that was wanting to escape your mouth.  
She pulled away first after a long period of just kissing and feeling each other up.  
Supporting her face with her hands, she leans her elbow to face your side and says.  
“San, I’m hungry. I want to eat something?” she looks so cute, looking at you now that you think you don’t feel tired anymore and you just want to toss her and have your way with her again until she’s screaming for your name, like what she did minutes ago but you know you really can’t deny her anything.  
“did you not just eat something?” you chuckled, trying to tease her first. Amuse at how she always looks for food after having an orgasm.  
“No! I want real food, you know how I am..” she says, smiling shyly at you.  
You slowly get out of bed and walk naked across the room, picking up all the discarded clothes everywhere and when you reach out to give one of her clothes, you see her ogling at you, different kind of hunger flashing in her eyes.  
“on second thought, I don’t want real food anymore” and she pulls your waist, making you stand in between her legs while she’s sitting on the edge of the bed.  
She’s kissing your navel and cupping your ass but before she can turn you into a hot quivering mess again, you pull her hair to the side with both your hands so it won’t cover her face and she looks up to you, resting her chin on your belly.  
“I’ll let you do that after” you chuckle after saying “but let’s feed you with real food first” tipping her nose with your index finger.  
“c’mon… “ you remove her arms around you and takes her hand instead so you can pull her up and out of the room and into the kitchen.  
/  
You’re in the kitchen, both just wearing an underwear and a tank top. You decided to cook some egg omelette for her for a change cause she does it all the time and you want to do something special for her even just small little things.  
You’re standing in front of the stove and she slips her hands to your waist, hugging you from behind. She peeks above your shoulder and says.  
“Mmmm.. that smells so good San” and then plants a kiss on your neck. You reach to your back so you can hold her face and caressed it gently.  
You turn your head sideways so you can tell her.  
“I dunno if it’s good but I tried” you said while laughing and shrugged.  
She moves your hair sideways and kisses your neck again while scratching at the slither of exposed skin just above the waistband of your underwear.  
You pat her hand and said “this is going to burn if you keep on doing that”  
She mumbles a small “mmm” before placing one final kiss into your shoulders, jumps and says.  
“I just can’t get enough of you!” turning you around so you can face her, holding your waist and squeezing it.  
You place your arms on top of her shoulders and give her a kiss.  
“eat first” you tell her with a smug face.

/

“how is it?” you ask while smiling at her.  
“it’s quite good. Now you have to cook this for me more often” she tells you with a narrowed eyes, trying to hide a smile.  
“Well I dunno..” you answer without looking up from your food, teasing her.  
Of course, you’d do this for her, you’d do anything for her.  
You’re wondering why she’s so silent all of a sudden but you get your answer when you look up to see her get up and is on her way over to you and sits sideways on your lap, encircling your neck with her arms and says playfully.  
“oh yeah? What if I tell you that I’m willing to pay you with special nightly favors…” and she placed a small kiss on your nose then looks at you with her eye browse raised.  
“well.. if you put it that way then I really don’t see why not?” you answer her and enjoying this playful banter while she’s currently on your lap.

/

Shortly after that you finish your meal and you help in cleaning up the table but Brittany insists that she’ll be the one to wash the dishes because you were the one who cooked.  
You both move around the kitchen completely in-sync with each other’s movement that it didn’t take long for the chores to be done.  
You yawn after placing the last plate on the kitchen counter, you suddenly feel so tired and realized how late it is already.  
You tell her that you’ll go ahead first so you can brush your teeth and wash your face and she replies that she’ll be in shortly.  
When you finished brushing, you saw the time that it’s already 2am so you head to bed but called out to Britt first and told her to just leave whatever is it that she’s still doing and just get back at it tomorrow.  
When you were about to tuck yourself, you hear her phone on the table vibrate.  
Not wanting to peek at it cause you’re not the type of a person who goes thru her girlfriends stuffs but you can see the message flashing on the screen and your curiosity starts to gnaw at you, that you slowly lift yourself up so you can read it, wondering who could be texting her at this time of the hour.  
When you saw who it was from, you regretted your decision at once, seeing Dan’s name and a portion of his message saying that he misses her.   
You feel the jealousy slowly rising up from your gut, making your hands fist the comforter that you were covering yourself with.  
“San..” you didn’t see that she was already in the room and she goes for her phone to see what you were looking at. She must have seen there’s something wrong by the look on your face.  
“sorry, I didn’t mean to..” you didn’t continue anymore, not seeing the need for it and also cause your mood has suddenly changed, not to mention the awkwardness that you feel when she totally caught you looking at her message.  
You try to act like you’re getting comfortable, fixing the pillows and looking for a position to finally sleep on.   
You can still hear her flicking thru her phone. Did she reply to his message? What did she tell him? Gaah, you hate how you’re feeling so jealous right now that it’s practically eating you from the inside.  
You turn to your side with your back at her cause you don’t want her to see that your upset. You feel the weight of the bed lowered on your side and her hands slides to your waist, spooning you from behind and you try not to flinch.  
For a couple of minutes no one starts to talk, you just feel her hugging you tightly into her chest. You even thought that she’s already asleep, considering how late it is but she suddenly speaks and you feel her hot breath on your neck.  
“that’s nothing San…” her voice so sincere that you feel bad for feeling this way. She didn’t do anything wrong. Though you can’t help but ask.  
“do you still talk to him?” your voice is very low, with a hint of sadness on it.  
“No San, I don’t! and please… can we not talk about him now. Let’s just go to sleep babe” and she tightens her hold on you and gives you a kiss on the back of your neck.  
You don’t answer her and you feel ridiculous for dragging this out but you can’t help it, you’re always irrational when you’re feeling jealous and when something upsets you.  
“San face me please..” she asks as she gently pulls your arms and you oblige her but not really helping her in pulling your weight.  
Once facing her, she places a kiss to your nose and to your forehead and just waits for you to look at her, running a line on your neck to the valley of your breast up and down.  
When you still did not move she stops her affectionate touch and you slowly see her pout coming out.  
“don’t do that…” you tell her. Now, a little broken from your state of absurdity.  
“I did not do anything…”   
You know you’re a fool for making her sad like this. You immediately hold her, rounding your arms to her back and tucking her head in your neck.  
“I’m sorry… I just… just thinking of loosing you again.” you can hear your insecurities rushing out of you.  
“but I’m not going anywhere. I love you. I love you very much San” she tells you repeatedly and reassuring while running her hand back and forth your back.  
“I’m sorry for being so foolish right now”  
Yes you should be. To think it was only a text message. You really have to keep your jealousy and you’re being irrational in check. She can’t be this patient with you all the time. The hell, you can’t even be patient with yourself most of the time.  
You should get it together before she gets tired of this awful side of you.   
You hug her tightly, in fact almost possessively at that last thought. You’d beat yourself to death if you’re going to lose her because of something that you have done.  
“I love you. I love you Britt” you repeat to her numerous times to atone for acting the way you did.  
“shhh. I know.” She whispers to you so softly and plants a kiss on your forehead.  
“can we go to sleep now?” she asks while giving you a tender smile.  
“yes babe. Go to sleep now..” you whisper softly into her temple, giving it a kiss, pouring all your love into it.


	19. chapter 19

“Britt... uhhm. Do you think we do it too much?”   
You asked, looking at her sitting on the dresser, facing the mirror and combing her hair.  
You’re lying on the bed now with your back against the headboard, getting comfartbale beneath the sheets, waiting for her to come and join you.  
She stops brushing her hair and she looks at you with a puzzled look on her face.  
“What do you mean?” Her eybrows raised, wondering at what you’re trying to say.  
“I mean...You know. Do you think we have too much sex?”  
She has now fully stopped at what she’s doing and just stares at you like you’re from out of this world or something with her mouth slightly open.  
For the past weeks you’ve been doing it non-stop, sometimes multiple times in a day. Brittany’s hunger for making love is just over the top. You wouldn’t have it any other way and you love that she can’t keep her hands off of you, the same way you are to her but these days you have felt yourself getting weaker and the headaches kept coming back frequently now. You haven’t told Brittany about all these hoping that it will just pass. Aside from that reason, the two of you rarely ever go out, contented to just be locked up, rolling in the sheets together. You understand that you’re still in the honeymoon stage of your relationship but you also want to take her some place nice and experience many things with her.  
You did go out this one time, a few weeks ago when you both managed to drag yourselves to see the outside world.  
Flashback  
“We need to go out! Do something” You told Brittany while reading your emails with your back turned against her. You can’t see what she’s doing but you can hear her flicking through the channels while lounging on the couch, sometimes chuckling at what she’s currently watching that she finds funny.  
“What did you say babe?” you hear her say in between her laughs.  
“I said we need to get out. Like go into town or watch a movie or something”  
You tell her while you’re about to write an e-mail to your publisher, informing him that you’re going to New York at the end of the month. You haven’t told Britt about your plans yet but you’re dying to ask her to come with you. Just thinking about the fun things you can do together in the city makes you feel excitement at the pit of your stomach.  
You didn’t see her come up behind you, stopping at the side of the table, leaning half her body on her elbows with her face a few inches away from you while swaying her butt playfully asking. “Why are you tired of my company already?’ She feigns sadness and lets out an adorable pout that you just want to kiss away.  
“Of course not B. I don’t know if that’s even possible” You hold her hand, bringing it to your mouth to place a kiss on it.  
“I just want to do something special with you. We’re like old people already, always cooped up inside this house.” You say while smiling at her.  
“yeah sometimes I forget there’s a world out there when I’m with you” And with that you turn into a puddle of mud, melting your heart like she always does with simple gestures and words.  
“aww babe...” You bring your face closer so you can nudge your nose and she crinkles it half way thru meeting yours.  
After briefly kissing each other you ask “So where do you wanna go?”  
“Definitely not Breadstix” She tells you, pursing her lips to the side.  
You just looked down to your notes not wanting to bring up the subject of Marley. You just want to forget that happened.  
“We could go to the movies?!” she beamed with so much excitement, her enthusiasm immediately infecting you.  
You just wish you could be this good when it comes to letting go of old stuff that happens in the past like how she is, so unlike you with how you feel wih the Dan issue.  
“Yeah? Okay, whatever you want baby” Then you cup her cheeks to bring her to kiss you again.  
When you arrived at the theatre, Brittany bought so much food that when you entered the movie house it was already starting. You let her choose this new animated film because you know how much she loves this kind of movies.  
Brittany bought popcorns, chips, sodas and chocolates. You wonder how could a person with such an amazing body can devour all of these food but you can’t deny that it is also one of the many things you discovered that you love in her is her love for food.  
Halfway through the movie, you turn your attention to Brittany and you can’t help but be amused at her sight. Completely captivated by the film, while sipping on her soda, you can see the reflection of the film dancing in her eyes.  
She’s so adorable. You have enjoy and have more fun watching her than watching the movie. You were taken by surprise when she throws a popcorn at you.  
“Stop staring!” You never watch the films that I choose San!” then she slightly slaps your tummy after saying that. You caught her hands and wrap it around your waist, bringing you other arm around so you can hold her closer to you, dropping a tender kiss on her forehead.  
“okay, okay. I’ll watch now” You tell her while chuckling.  
A few minutes after when you’re finally starting to enjoy the movie, you feel Brittany’s hands drop to your leg that you placed on top of your other one and she runs her hands slowly on it. You try to see what she’s doing, knowing Britt can be a little playful sometimes but you see that she has her eyes on the movie and you relax a little bit a little relieved that she’s not starting anything specially in a public place.  
Your breath hitch a moment after when she pushes her way in yourclose legs.  
“Britt what--?” you hiss at her.  
“ssh... open your legs” she purrs.  
Oh Boy. You can imagine what happened next, knowing how i can never say no to her.  
End of Flashback  
That’s what happened and you’re just glad that no one caught the two of you doing the nasty and when she finishes with you, she just smiles, looking innocently like she didn’t just had her way with you, pushing hard until you were biting hard on your lips, stopping yourself from letting out a scream.   
When the lights turned on and you can see her clearly, she just looks so goddamn pretty, like always that you just shake your head at her and she laughs then gives you a peck on the lips while on your way out of the cinema.  
“Do I think if we have too much sex?” Brittany’s voice brought you back from the memory and you see her standing at the edge of the bed, face full of wonder. Like your question is the most craziest thing she’s ever heard.  
You just nod at her question again, a little amused at the reaction she’s exhibitng now. She’s still standing at the edge of the bed for about 2 minutes now then she shakes her head and slowly crawls her way to her side of the bed. You open your arms and she settles into it, resting her head on your chest.  
“why would you ask that?” are you tired of having sex with me already?” she asked while looking up from you chest.  
“Britt..” you bring her chin up so you can look at her straight and show her the seriousness on your face.  
“That is so far from the truth and I swear that will never happen, not in this lifetime.” Your thumb caressing her cheeks.  
“I just wonder, you know” Now, telling her about your health issues is the last thing you want to say, not until you know fro sure. When you get back to New York, you will have to see your doctor again. You’re sure it’s nothing.  
“But we only had sex twice today and the other one, it was you who initiated it” she tells you rather coyly and you can’t help but laugh at that and then you added.  
“Yeah well... because you look so hot while wearing that superwoman shirt that you have.”  
“So you think we have too much sex? Like we can’t go on a day without it?”  
“I’m just saying, we don;t do much other things, like go for a walk or explore what else this town has to offer or different things. I mean we have all the time in the world now that my book is finished” you pause to give her a kiss, slow and sweet before continuing.   
“I’d like to do many fun things with you. I’m in this for the long run you know”  
“ok” She simply says and molds her body into yours. Taking your mouth into hers, dipping her tongue inside.  
“You smell so good..” you can never get enough of how good she always smell even if she’s sweaty from doing something, her natural smell, already ingraned in your brain as one of your favorite smells.  
You deepen the kiss as you slowly sneak your hands inside her shirt, kneading her breast.  
“San I thought you said ---- “  
“Let’s forget about what I said” then you lift her shirt up, throwing it across the room and continued on what you’re intending to do.  
/  
You woke up from the gush of wind blowing to your face and see that the windows are open and the curtains are tied to the side so the morning breeze can come inside the room. When you turned to your side, you thoughts were confirmed that Britt is already up when you saw she’s not there at your side anymore.  
You smell the aroma of coffee being brewed outside and you hear Brittany humming and her footsteps, letting you know that she’s approaching.  
“you’re awake” she looks so adorable standing there in her tight shirt and underwear and you just smile at her.  
“good morning” you say with a sleepy voice. “come here..” you pleads while opening the sheet to welcome her, revealing your still naked body.  
She jumps on the bed and straddles you and you can feel the heat of her center on your stomach, a thin fabric of her underwear is what separates your skin from it. You grab her butt which made her fall on you so you can give her a kiss. Will you ever get enough of this? She feels so sweet. So good. So warm. Her breast rubbing on your chest and you feel yourself starting to get hot and wet again.  
No you won’t ever get enought of her.  
You gently squeezed her butt and start to deepen the kiss but to your disappointment and astonishment she puts a stop to it, gives a small kiss on the lips and throws her weigth off of you and says “Come on San! Get off the bed. Let’s go for a jog! It’s so beautiful outside!” and skips out of your sight going to the bathroom.   
Uhhm what just happened? Did Brittany just leave you hanging, practically dripping on the bed. You have never seen Brittany able to resist you on the bed, most especially a naked you on the bed.   
When she comes out of the bathroom, she’s now dress with the most skimpiest shorts, showing her long creamy legs and an exercise attire that’s very tight, it could be mistaken for her skin, the fabric cuts just below her ribcage revealing her abs that are to die for. If you can only see your face right now, you know you’re mouth is hanging and your drooling with the sight thats infront of you.  
“c’mon babe hurry up..” then she sprints out of the room but not before hearing the complaint in your voice when you had to dragged yourself off the bed and she looked over her shoulders asking “did you say something baby?”  
“huh? No. Uhhm I’ll meet you outside in a second Britt” you said as you walk to the bathroom to change into your jogging clothes, the whole time you can’t stop thinking what the hell is happening.  
/  
After an hour you’re back and you stop just outside your apartment to cool down. You’re drinking from your bottled water and you almost choke when you saw Brittany bending down while stretching her hands to reach her feet. Her butt cheeks in your full view that all you can think is to grab it and touch her long and shapely legs.  
You snap out of your perving when you heard her say “San, pass me that water bottle please. I’m parched” when you didn’t move she moves closer to you and grab the bottle herself.  
“Is everything okay babe?” she asks while she brings the bottle to her mouth but purposely letting some of the water slip from her mouth making it drip all over her neck chest.  
You feel so hot again just watching that water slowly run from her neck to that valley in between her breast. You can’t watch this.   
You hurriedly turn your back to go inside the apartment.  
“where are you going San?” Brittany calls out.  
“I need to take a shower” You didn’t turn to wait for her reply anymore but you’re sure you heard a small laugh escaped from her.  
Oh ok, you all shut the hell up. You know you were the one who brought this up and you didn’t wanna bring the subject up again with Brittany because you dont want her to think that you’re the one greatly suffering from this. It is your stupid idea after all. Why the hell did you have to ask that? You just wanna smack your head for ever thinking that you have too much sex.  
You haven’t been getting headaches lately so of course your appetite for sex has doubled now that you’re not having it. It’s only been a day but you feel like you’ve been deprived for weeks.  
That night while you were freshening up, you thoughtfully choose your sexiest nightgown that you know Brittany always likes whenever you wear it. Put on some moisturizer and styled your hair the way Britt likes. After one last look at the mirror, satisfied with how you look. You step out of the bathroom and saw Britt reading a book, you wait for her to look up to you and when she didn’t you stood in front of her at the edge of the bed.  
She notices your presence and slowly looks up from her book and when she saw you, you see the hint of hunger in her eyes and you almost made a fist jump on the inside, thnking you’re definitely gonna get some tonight. She places the book on the side table and she reaches for you, indicating that she wants a hug and you quickly abide by it. When you finally settle in her arms, you hug her tight, forming her body into yours, always loving how she makes you feel that this is the only place you belong to. She pushes you on your back and she leans on to you to give you a light kiss on the forehead, on the top of your nose and she lifts her eyes to yours, looking at you with a burningfire in her eyes then transfers her eyes on your lips, you anxiously wait for that kiss, the kiss that can melt you and turn you into a quivering mess.  
As soon as her lips touches yours, she pulls aways and said “goodnight San.. sleep well” and gives you another peck then turns to her side to sleep.  
What the fuck!? You feel like screaming and you can’t believe that this is actually happening.   
/  
“Babe, wake up..” you hear Brittany’s voice but your disoriented mind can’t process what’s happening still. You don’t remember what time you were able to sleep last night just staring at the ceiling, cursing at yourself. You slowly tear your eyelids and saw how she looks so awake, completely the opposite of how you feel right now and if she didn’t look so cute and eager to tell you something you would ignore her and go back to sleep.  
“San I wanna go to the carnival in the next town! There’ll be fairs and rides and lots of other fun things!” she looked like she was almost glowing from too much excitement that you can’t voice out your disapproval at this time cause you still want to go back to sleep so badly.  
She gets up from the bed, letting you see her sexy underwear and you almost grabbed her and slam her on the bed so fill the ache in between your legs since yesterday.  
“You shower and I’ll prepare the breakfast!” she tells you over her shoulder not hearing anymore the whining sounds that your making as you peel yourself from the bed, cursing and blaming the lesbian gods for punishing you.

*il update sooner. longer and better chapter :)


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